Depression and work

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I've missed some work this week, including taking a sick day. Only that the sick day may not be a whole one available, though another source says that it is. Which means I could get written up for attendance.

I've been depressed the past week or so, and have not had much motivation. Now I get this on top of it all, but my indifference just kinda stamps it out. Still, I care enough to share it, because to be honest, I've had difficulty thinking about this clearly.

If I lose my job, I'm thinking about just fleeing somewhere. Of course, that would cause a lot of stress and could lead to an exacerbation of mental health issues. Still, I don't know what else I would do.

That happens to me at every single job I've ever worked at. I get drained, depressed, often come in late, take sick days when I'm just too drained to go, etc. It almost always ends up in getting fired or I quit just before the hammer is about to drop to avoid the rejection and shame of getting fired.

Going through this every time I get a job really messed up my self esteem especially when it comes to work. It's gotten to the point where I generally fear the workplace.

I don't have any advice. I can just tell you I've been there many times, and it's the most difficult thing I've had to deal with as an adult.

I've fleed from not only my city but across the whole country and I'm in a worse position now than ever. Especially when it comes to employment.

If you decide to get up and go, at least try and find a place that has tons of jobs you can do.

Jasper1,

How do you live when you're in-between jobs?

Basically, I've been dependent my whole life. Either parents or a significant other. It's the worst thing.

As far as the financial aspect, I basically learned how to "ball on a budget." In other words, have decent things and what I need, because I learned how to be extremely frugal, and keep things aside for when times are extremely lean.

Since I'm a homebody for the most part I only need the very basic necessities of life when times are tough. When times are OK financially I do stuff like rely on finding super cheap sales for stuff like clothes and entertainment.

For instance in my closet I have nice clothes, shoes, and pants that I keep in the best condition I can if I wear them and others that even still have the tag and are in the original boxes that I will wear when my current clothes/shoes get too old.

I also have movies and especially videogames that I haven't watched or played yet for times when I can't afford to purchase new ones. I find them for pocket change. I'm a little behind the times as they are not brand new, but all that stuff ends up in the bargain bin and/or used sooner or later. I still end up experiencing the best of that for that reason. It's just sometime after everyone else does.

If I want to go out, I find something cheap or free. Summer is a great time to experience fun things with little or no money.

I don't have cable, just netflix.

My car was cheap and very reliable. Insurance is about the same cost as a bus pass. Repairs on it were always reasonable and cheap. It helps when you find a good mechanic with good rates.

Food, pretty much the same stuff as above. You learn how to be frugal and look for sales.

My only other expense is that I smoke, but I found some that I enjoy and can get a carton for a few dollars more than what people pay for just a pack.

It goes on and on, but if you were to look at me and come to my apartment, you really wouldn't think I struggled for money most of my life. I do though, I'm constantly on the edge. Hanging by a thread.

Last edited by Jasper1 on 27 Jul 2013, 4:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Jasper1,

Your post just increases my sense of indifference toward the future. LOL.

Is it a chronic problem that you have had like me or is it something that's just been happening lately? You could be going through a bout of depression that if you are vigilant about it, you can come out of it and get on with your life.

In jobs I find it's pretty easy to get written up or even reprimanded for just about anything. In other words, it happens to a lot of people without necessarily effecting their employment. Providing it's issues that don't keep happening, and in the scheme of things aren't really all that serious.

It could be that you feel overwhelmed by the amount of social interactions that are accompanied by participating in a work related atmosphere, and because you already feel not very well, the barrier between your home where you feel safe, and work is suddenly a lot bigger.

I would feel this way in jobs when it would become a common thing, just like brushing my teeth, as if I was unable to find new challenges in it, because the social aspect to my job would physically and mentally drain me, because all my energy went to social interaction.

Trough a psychological evaluation in which my capabilities in conventional labor where investigated, I got some clues as to what kind of jobs would fit my personality, and how much hours / week I can deliver the quality work without draining myself, but unless you already have clarity on this subject this may be something worth looking into.

Since my country has a very good social security system, this evaluation was ordered by the city where I live, as the re-integration program they have for the unemployed did not work out for me, so I have no idea what kind of expenses you would be looking at, if you would have to take such a test voluntarily.

For me this means I can work 16-20 hours max / week, not taking into account the stress building up while traveling to work using public transportation.

As for the depression part, it is very common in Asperger's to have periods of being down, followed by periods of feeling like you could conquer the world in single day, a common solution for the darkest of days within this depression is medication that can remove the sharp edges of such moments, usually knows as Benzodiazepines, which can relieve the stress for a few hours, but ONLY for the darkest moments and as little as possible, because you get very dependent, and they are therefore highly addictive, a psychiatrist can prescribe these, as well as a general practitioner, at least they can where I live.

Another solution to lessen the effects of a depression, is finding a challenge outside of work, which doesn't have to be something big ( my mother makes postcards for instance ), by doing that you can use your creativity, and perhaps feel more satisfying with life, especially when you have job where you feel you cannot use this creativity or only limited.

Not being able to express yourself is a common cause for depressions, as it can make your life feel as if you are a robot that could be replaced by any other robot.

Because you mention work it is possible the depression is work related, but it can also find its origin somewhere else, and feeling unable to go to work could merely be a symptom of it, if you want to find out where the feelings originate that make you feel down, it may be a good idea to ask the help of a mental health professional or a social worker specialized in autism, so you don't have to go trough it alone.

Depressions have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, and the same can be said for my mother who is in her 50's now, and even for her it is still not always clear why it happens.

I wouldn't worry too much about a sick-day, unless you take many of them often and they are related to being overwhelmed by working itself, rather than actually being sick, being overloaded emotionally can show itself in physical symptoms, and if that is the case it may be even more important to discover what your limits are.

I hope this helped a bit, and did not overwhelm you too much.

-edited for spelling about 20 times-

Thanks, you two. I've held this job for more than 3 years, and previously I held a job for nearly 3 years while going to school. This is new, but I'm wondering if I'm not as capable of handling stress as I used to, and if I'm burning out, and what the implications of said burnout will be for my future.

I've held on to a job during college for 4 years as well, but in my last year experienced a burnout situation, causing a severe depression leading to my struggle to figure out my attention span in a work related setting.

I would suggest you to investigate the following, to clarify the cause of your current situation, but you do not have to post that here as that can be quite personal, just use it as a an investigative tool.

- In the weeks or even months leading up to your depression have there been any changes in your normal daily routine ?
- Have there been any recent changes in the responsibilities you have in your job that cause you to invest more energy into it. or has there been any radical (or subtle) change within your routine in a work related setting?
- In the past month have there been any changes in your social life outside of work, or in the intensity of personal relations and/or responsibilities concerning these relations ?
- Last but not least the above but concerning the social interactions within your job.

I still think it would be wise to have someone else outside of a forum to consult on these things, and I wish you good luck on figuring out what is going on in your life right now, feel free to pm me if you want to know anything else, that you do not want to write on a forum.

Thanks. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist. They're aware of the depression. I did discuss it with them and they tried to find the cause, but we couldn't come up with one.

1.) I did have a time where I moved in with someone and even lived with my parents a little bit, but I am back to normal as of June. I did exhibit some stress in May from rooming with someone, but that was more along the lines of attenuated psychotic symptoms than depression; I had bouts of paranoia, being sure people in the room were talking about me and all the conversations I was hearing were each and every single one relevant to me, thinking people were looking at me more, feeling like my body wasn't put together right (like it was put together wrong), seeing things out of the corner of my eye, etc. I hadn't noticed much stress in my house, other than its messiness, leading up. My motivation started declining 2 to 3 weeks ago.

2.) No changes, other than enforcing lunch and break times more strictly, which is a little more stressful, but I don't think it causes depression.

3.) Nope. If anything, I'm more withdrawn now than I was.

4.) No change in social interactions.

But I do notice sometimes I have difficulty thinking clearly and concentrating, so I wonder how well I can do. I think my ability to handle stress has gone down in the past year.

This could be a longshot, but could it be that because your situation is back to normal since June, your body and mind are now recovering from the changes that were made in the months before, and have been doing so in the last few weeks, because you now have the proper situation to relax, and are not constantly on edge, you may have gotten an overdose of stress and are now subconsciously trying to adjust the right balance.

I often notice the emotional effect of change being delayed for me, until I find a moment where I can reflect and rest and then it hits me.

The lunch breaks are the moments you reset your stress level a little bit, and it can contribute to the amount of stress you can handle in the long run, on its own it may not cause a depression but combined with something else it may have tipped you over the edge.

I think its very well possible that it has to do with your ability to handle stress as you said, but if it was solely your ability that changed over the course of a year, wouldn't it have changed more paced, and wouldn't you have noticed it more often in the past year.

Good point. It could be. I'll let my psychiatrist know.



True.



Well, it started around this time last year. I started getting very fatigued more and started missing work more. I was trying to save up money for sex reassignment surgery, which is generally not covered by insurance or government programs here in the States, and which is very expensive. I was starting to miss a lot of work, so that by the start of October, I realized I was making no progress in saving up money. I began panicking and raging and had to be hospitalized after a suicide attempt, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I then starting having psychotic symptoms after getting out and got hospitalized again in December. After that time, things kinda improved, though I started becoming indifferent to my goals. Then in March, I decided I gotta save up money for surgery and thought to room with someone else, which started in April. It was very stressful and I was very anxious around her, though she was kind; even though I was no danger to her and she implicitly trusted me (by not closing/locking her bedroom door at night, for example), I kept getting caught on the idea that as far as she knows I could harm her. I left at the start of May, and stayed with my parents. I started having psychotic symptoms then which were helped by medication. In June, I got back in apartment and got somewhat better, but was increasingly tired. Then a few weeks ago, I lost energy and started becoming indifferent again, and starting this past week, began to feel numb emotionally.

I hope that wasn't too much to read, but I think it shows that I've been starting to lose my previous abilities over the past year.

It's all this in the past year that make me wonder about my future prospects.

Does your company have an employee assistance program and do you have short term disability in your benefit plan? Here in Canada, an employee can take stress leave and apply for EI which is the same as social security. You will keep your job while you get back on your feet. If I became depressed, I would not have to apply for EI since I have short term disability in my benefit package (private insurance). It is however, not likely my job would cause me to burn out since I work alone in a warehouse most of the time and my boss does not breathe down my neck. I have a decent work life balance at my job.

I do have short-term leave at work; I did use it when I went to the hospital late last year. You can't get Social Security for short-term leave though, only for when you can't work at all. I've been using intermittent leave, where I can, say, come in a few hours late (or even miss the shift) and not get dinged for it, but I can only use it 5 days a month. Maybe I can bring it up with my psychologist.

No doubt that it shows clear pattern of losing that ability over a period of time.

If I sum this up, then I am not surprised that you feel the way you do right now, and I think anyone would be severely fatigued, after having such an amount of emotionally stressing events to stomach, not to mention the fact that your autism causes sensitivity to stress in general, Every event you went trough takes quite some time to get to terms with, and what I notice in this whole story, is that you do not seem to have given yourself enough time to recover.

This is my point of view on what you told, and I think it is remarkable you are still actually able to work, and that shows that you a very strong person, I really hope you get the right kind of help from your psychiatrist.

Thanks Jonov. I do have a trip away to the beach coming up in 3 weeks. Maybe I'll finally get to cool down, then.