Neurodiverse mating behavior

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This is a little speculation about this subject based on my own observations over the years that suddenly made a little more sense (?)

OK, so the neurotypical mating behavior is well-known because it is a norm, and has no legal or moral aspects against it. Female's signals interest with body language, and look at the male facing him. The male will approach the female when he sees the right signals looking back at her. Should be a snap for neurodiverse males to learn and adapt to, right?

I think the neurodiverse mating behavior is fundamentally incompatible. I know that I do not naturally approach a female looking at me face-to-face, especially not if she also is smiling. There is something instinctual that just seems to stop me from doing that. When I looked at a dating video for ASDs a while back, there was a female doing this, and my first reaction was "she is aggressive because she shows her teeth". What I typically do in such a scenario is look away or look into the ground if I for some social reason must approach her. Or just stay put. But it is entirely different if the female is facing away from me so I can see her from the back. In that situation I can approach her even if she is looking at me and even smiling.

Hypothesis: In a mating situation, the neurodiverse female will turn her back (and look over her shoulder) when she wants a potential mate to approach, and turn face-to-face when she wants him to stay put.

Objections are welcome.

I'm curious about this as I never figured out it. I met my wife by being "fixed up" with her by someone who I was talking with at a bar one night. Oddest setup of all time, but hey it worked for me.

Not so easy to figure out (for a male) because you think they are sending you signals that you interpret as "don't you come here!". For a female, another problem arises because as she signals "let me be alone" the male think she wants him to go talking to her, so will get lot of unwanted males chatting with her. And when she turns her back to signal interest, the males just ignore her because she is sending signals that she is not interested.

Seems like asking would be the easiest way to accomplish this.

No need for nonverbal signals and other mystical mumbo.

I don't know if an NT is just being nice or actually interested, but I'm terrified to act on an assumption with the way things are now. I'll take aggressive over passive or passive-aggressive, although assertive is best. Females just don't need to bother being assertive or aggressive.

To me NT females are as predictable as the weather. Where I live, Midwestern America, we are having weather more typical of September than July. It is 68 degrees fahrenheit where I live as I write this -- 3:18 pm Eastern Daylight Saving Time. Further west it is more like October.

Last edited by DemocraticSocialistHun on 30 Jul 2013, 7:59 am, edited 3 times in total.

It seems to me like a lot of thought goes into stuff round here.

Not effective. If you miss the relevant signals you will first go chatting with about everybody that you like, and mostly getting a negative response because most of them didn't ask for it. After a while you will stop doing that, and when somebody signals interest you will not go chatting with her, and thus miss real opportunities.

I don't think mating behavior exists outside of neurotypical-land. It's a game we weren't given the rules for. Our "mating behavior" is simply the act of being honest.

You mean you think that neurodiverse people are the only animal species/population on earth that lacks a mating behavior? That seems like a pretty radical theory.



No, it is a game that most of us naturally have the rules for but are not allowed to act upon because we would come out as weird. This is no different from our stims that many like to practise in private but try to hide in public. Displaying mating behavior in private is not very useful.



I don't follow you here. Does that mean that you would select anybody as your partner (provided you thought they were honest)?

Radical or not, I find it to be true. We do not behave like the rest of the human animal kingdom. We have evolved beyond "mating behavior" and adapted to traits such as honesty and open selection. We do no exist for the purpose of mating. This is a neurotypical affliction. It is an animal affliction. It has nothing to do with neurodiversity.

There is no doubt about that.



That's just conjecture. Neurodiverse people are no more honest than neurotypical:

Attwood - Do you show absolute loyalty and impeccable dependability in peer relationships?(http://www.rdos.net/eng/aspeval/#1333). Insignificant relation to neurodiversity

Attwood - Are you a "social unsung hero" with trusting optimism: frequent victim of social weaknesses of others, while steadfast in the belief of the possibility of genuine friendship? (http://www.rdos.net/eng/aspeval/#1357). Insignificant relation to neurodiversity

Attwood - Are you determined to seek the truth? (http://www.rdos.net/eng/aspeval/#1342). Insignificant relation to neurodiversity



Of course we do. All animals exist for the purpose of reproduction. If we didn't exist for the purpose of reproduction we would be free of sexual urges as well, which is simply not true.



Not likely.

Actually, many of us *are* free from sexual urges. We just pretend to be sexual to avoid coming off as freaks.

Surprised at the results you listed. Curious how insignificant...

That's actually true. Many seems to be free of the constant need for sexual intercourse (which, incidentally is strongly correlated to identifying as asexual), but it is neurotypicals that are atypical in this case because almost no other animal have sex only for fun. But that doesn't mean that even those that are asexual will not have sex for reproduction.



The correlation is in the range considered insignificant in Aspie Quiz (-0.1 to 0.25). That means it might be due to the inherit bias that neurodiverse items have in Aspie Quiz, and if this bias could be eliminated, they might have no relation at all.

I can't speak for all neurodiverse people but it's not really different in my experience. I met my bipolar spectrum boyfriend by simply asking. NT men also make their interest known publicly toward women. For example guys will be like 'hey shorty want my number' in public.

It's quite atypical (and against the rules of NT mating behavior) for a female to take the first step. And before a NT guy will go up and ask a female's number in public he would already have been through the mating ritual even if nobody else noticed what happened.

wtf this is BS, I have an aspie score of 190+ and I like to have sex with my girlfriend not only for giving birth ...
I think you'll never find a true reason for why things are the way they're. I know it sometimes look that things are the way they're but they are not.
Enjoy life instead of constantly talking about scientific matters on the forums. Your energy is better spend on daily life, perhaps this is a reason why people have dificulties in daily life; to much thinking.