Not sure if I have AS or not... Feeling down

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Hey everyone

First of all I've never talked to anyone about this before apart from my mum, but I just want to write down my thoughts and share the way I'm feeling right now.

I've always felt "different" from other people, and especially so around others in social situations. I'm fine talking with people one on one or in a very small group, but if it's any larger than that I completely clam up and barely say a word. I can't seem to keep track of the conversation at all and end up feeling totally lost. They might as well be talking a different language in all honesty!

If it's a noisy environment then it's even worse because I can never hear a thing that they are saying. Other people can hear each other perfectly well but I simply can't hear above the noise. At the other end of the scale I am very sensitive to loud noises.

At the same time I do have quite a few friends and some very close ones. But even around people I know really well I often feel anxious and get awkward moments.

But I DO have a social life to some extent and things improve a bit after a few drinks and I can become quite talkative.

The weird thing is that I want to get to know people better, but at the same time the actions of other people either disgust me or seem alien.

I am currently age 25 and have never had a partner and am still a virgin. I get attracted to others but don't feel as though I could cope with a relationship or sex. I sometimes feel that I am destined to be alone for my whole life.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, but these, along with AS have never been diagnosed.

I have frequent breakdowns, typically after social situations.

Sometimes I feel thick but in other ways I consider myself to be quite intelligent. I run my own business, have been to uni and have a career.

I spoke about AS to my mum a while ago and she doesn't think that I have It at all.

What do you think?

Feel a little better for getting these thoughts out.

Thanks!

brief test: www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php

Well you sound very like me at that age, other than that I'd had some girlfriends by that stage.
The stereotype out there says that autistics (Aspeger's Syndrome is now considered a type of autism, since DSM5 came out this year), are socially awkward, may have difficulty academically, or may not have any or many friends.
The reality is that this is not the case at all.
As I said, you sound very like me at age 25 (I'm 41), and had I had even a clue at that age that I was on the spectrum, I would have gotten myself diagnosed, and it would have made my life a lot easier.
The reality is, that most of the research, and therefore diagnosis and treatment for autism, is focussed on the young, as early intervention is seen as the best way to reduce the negative effects of autism.

If like me you suffer from anxiety and depression, then you have to understand that it must come form somewhere.
If you just try to diagnose and treat those two - as I did in the past - you'll just end up in a vicious cycle, and not get to the root cause.
Your symptoms sound very like mine, so I'll share a few more for you to compare, to see if this helps you confirm - at least in your mind - what you may be dealing with.

I have a very strong sense of smell: I can smell if the neighbours burn toast, if the neighbours are cooking a roast, or even if someone that walks past is wearing a weak perfume or aftershave.
Sometimes I can even smell laundry detergent on the clothes of others as they walk past me.

I can't stand the sound of leaf blowers, vacuum cleaners, jackhammers, drills, garbage trucks, hair dryers, or any loud, continuous, or oscillating type sounds - unless I am operating the noisy item myself.

Increasingly I find strong lights, strobe lights, or too many coloured lights not just distracting, but confusing. I find that I am trying to make sense of my environment and it makes me feel a little disoriented, and uncomfortable.
If I go to a gig and there are spotlights that move around and pan onto the crowd it greatly upsets me if it is focussed on me, even for a second or less.

I can't multitask, and have difficulty transitioning from one task to another.
e.g. if I take a phone call, it will take me some time to get back to what I was doing before. The same if I am emailing or posting.

I can concentrate for an extraordinary amount of time on doing one task; such as alphabetising my CD collection, counting money, preparing bottles for home brewing, or any repetitive task, such as folding paper, filling bottles, or the like.

Anyway, you have a job, you have been to uni, and you have a place to live, so that's all in your favour.
Your mum is not the one to decide if you do or don't have autism, only a professional can judge that, and it is a spectrum, so some are more effected than others.
I've been in and out of the workforce through my life, and remained with one employer for six years, so clearly it doesn't mean one who works can't be autistic, or that one with autism can't work.
I recommend you check online, starting with Tony Attwood, so far as finding a place to get diagnosis.
Also have a look at Simon Baron Cohen's stuff, he and his team wrote the tests they do to determine some forms of autism.
Both Tony Attwood and Simon Baron Cohen should have links from their websites to places you can get diagnosis and treatment.

Remember, having autism just means you're different, not lesser, and there is nothing necessarily "wrong" with you.
What some say is it's like you're running on a mac, when everyone else is on a pc.
Just like having different brain software, it works fine, just not the same as everyone else.

Umm...that was a bit awkward. I'm trying to figure out what your being a virgin has to do with anything, unless you're saying that it's because you rarely go out anywhere. and have never had that sort of temptation.

Only an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional is qualified to give a valid diagnosis. As far as I know, there are no WP members who fit that description. Certainly no one on WP is capable of rendering a valid diagnosis from a few subjective descriptions in a single post on a social website without actually meeting and examining the subject in question personally and over an extended period of time.

This is aside from the fact that Asperger's Syndrome is no longer an official diagnosis as of the issue of DSM-V.

If you believe that you may be Autistic, then please consult an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.

Thanks for the replies everyone, especially benh. I can relate to some of what you've said, although not all.

I mentioned the virgin thing because I don't feel able to be physically intimate with someone, even though I may feel attracted to them.

Obviously I don't expect anyone to be able to give a diagnosis over a forum - lol, I am really not that stupid, rather just wanted to get my thoughts out and see whether or not you guys could identify with them.

Thanks again.

I know where you're coming from so far as the intimacy thing.
The emotional connection etc is very complex when it comes to relationships, and it's kind of like riding a bike.
It's scary, daunting, and a risk of getting hurt, and only be doing it and practicing can it feel natural and comfortable.
Perhaps if you are lucky enough to meet someone you feel a special connection with you may take that step, but it's a very personal journey, and some settle for someone they like, some just do it anyway, and some remain single, or have brief encounters, you just need to do what feels right and authentic to you.
Diagnosis or not, autistic or not, there are lots of people on here who can relate to you, and you will feel comfortable relating to them as well.
No everything in the world is suitable for everyone, so just make the most of what makes sense and is comfortable for you.
The rest is for everyone else.
Just don't forget to test the boundaries from time to time, so you don't restrict yourself too much.