People who don't take ASD seriously

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone!

I very rarely disclose that I have AS, so only very few people know. However, lately I did tell somebody who is important to me and now I am very sad that this person believes that either AS is made up to be more than it is or that I do not have it at all. Somehow that bothers me, because I am proud of the hard work and the effort behind my being able to appear almost normal most of the time.

How do you handle situations like this? Is it better to ignore those comments or try to explain?

l

Yeah I get through life playing an NT...our personal experiences and/or individual psychology are too complicated to put in descriptive words. On the one hand if you don't explain then the person will carry a misguided view. On the other hand if you try and explain then the person will think you are trying to compensate for some personal inadequacy. You can't win.

I've never yet met someone who doesn't believe in the diagnosis, or seriousness of Aspergers / Autism.

I've met many who don't understand, but they are at least sympathetic and ask questions.

I have however, met a lot of pig headed people who believe things that aren't real or practicle. My experience with these people is, they won't be convinced by anything you say.

Ah, what then to do. If it was me, I'd forget that I ever told them and go back to doing and acting as I was before I said a thing. One day in the far distant future, they will ask questions.

I haven't gotten a lot of people who accuse me personally of not really having AS or tell me it's not a real thing, at least not to my face, but I have seen people out in the world with that attitude and it is frustrating...especially, as you said, since many of us have worked so hard at learning to adapt only to be told that must mean we were "normal" all along.

Thing is, most autistic adults think they're normal. And everyone knows some of them. They think they're normal too. No one talks about it, because they don't know.

It will take people like us. Talking about it. Pointing out that it's a bit silly to make esoteric facial twitches and their proper comprehension and response the fundamental unifying force in a civilisation that holds about three percent of people for whom those twitches go unnoticed.

Where I live, it's illegal to discriminate like that. Of course, to make that point one has to get ov the not talking about it part (see sentence one)

am on a different part of the spectrum and even still,have known many,many people in the care industry who do not take ASD seriously unless its profound fully low functioning autism,because am able to locate the on switch on a computer and turn it on; am not autistic to some people [seriously,that was the deciding criteria for some staff of mine from years ago],have also been 'undiagnosed' by armchair pyschologists in care AKA multiple staff in the past due to having humour,aparently we arent supposed to have any form of humour,theyd be more comfortable with us being completely non functional,sat drooling staring at a wall and following other stereotypes NTs have of us.

there are people who dont believe in autism,john best jr is a very infamous example of this,and is well known to the WP community.
and loads of members of the very first autism speaks forum didnt believe in aspergers and said it was offensive to their over spoilt profoundly autistic kids that high functioning individuals are allowed to be part of the spectrum to.

there is ignorance in everything,its not worth educating everyone,only educate those who matter.

I haven't been diagnosed, but I'm fairly certain I fall on the spectrum. Nothing in my life has made more sense. The problem is, besides being dependent my whole life, I've never been "sheltered" from the world and had to learn to adapt as best I could to alleviate stresses and pain.

I've only really told my GF, and she has a hard time accepting it. I think she would rather believe I was some co-morbid mess of various mental health issues than someone with AS or Aspergers.

I've tried explaining it to some of my family and they just don't get it and just think I'm crazy. Most of my family I don't think are "capable" of understanding. Lack of education and growing up in a different culture where mental illness was definitely something to be shunned and ashamed about. Their thinking is pretty much black and white. Not a lot of understanding there in general.

My fear is that I will never be able to get a proper diagnosis, because even though I communicate fine on paper or on the internet, I fail to get my point across with complex issues in real life. I also feel I've been generally failed by the "health" system in the past and generally don't trust professionals or their abilities.

I feel like if I even walked into a "proper" professionals office and told them I think I have "x" disorder and my reasoning for it, they will immediately dismiss it since I'm pretty much diagnosing myself, and I have no where near the education or intellectual prowess they do so how dare I. Whatever conclusions I've drawn must be wrong just on principle. Probably conclude I'm a hypochondriac, fixate on one or two things I've mentioned without even trying to look at the bigger picture and just classify me as a big ball of common disorders that they have a hard on for labeling people as. Then proceed to put pills down my throat that never help and just make things worse.

I feel really stuck about this. This is the only place where I feel I'm understood.

I feel for you. I've had that dismissal happen to me from "professionals", and I have been diagnosed. I'm trying again being in a rough spot lately. I've run into communication issues before also, so I'm slowly compiling a written list as things come to me to be able to refer to during face time. Even during shorter phone calls, etc I've found I have to write the main points I need to cover down in front of me. I do hate the fix everything with a pill mindset. It's never "fixed" anything except provided a temporary respite occasionally.

I'm very sorry that happened to you. After reading your situation I feel fortunate that my good friends just said "oh ok" at first.. But in the end, we are in the same boat of being upset because both of our friends didn't really take it seriously.

One of my good friends mom is a Special Ed teacher and you'd think that my friend would know more about ASD then, but its not true. She said to me that she didn't understand the routines I need or the neediness for the same foods or the fact that it takes a lot of energy for me to get together with her. I was shocked.

Anyway, what I've done is attempted to explain to her and others all about aspergers and how it effects me. It's the only way we are going to get society to take us and aspergers seriously.

This is one of those issues that strains my marriage. I have been diagnosed with AS, but I don't think my husband really believes it. I think he believes the condition exists, but not that I have it. However, he sometimes does: he'll be upset that I've been "faking it" and think that who he thought was the real me doesn't exist. Apparently he thinks I've tricked him (despite having told him that any "faking" was subconscious, and I didn't even know about my AS until 8 months ago...we've been together for 14 years), and it angers him. It feels terrible, doesn't it. Every time I've ever told anyone, they've said something along the lines of, "Oh, it must be very mild then," or, "You seem so normal." I think they don't understand how hard it is to maintain that facade, and I guarantee you that if we didn't do it, they wouldn't like the result. So either our difficulties and efforts are completely dismissed (or even criticized!), or we're shunned. Nice choice, huh?

I understand that situation. It sounds similar to what I'm going through with my girlfriend. When she met me I posed myself as relatively normal, because that's how you behave in society. Especially more so when you are courting. It's not intentional deception. It's just trying to fit in. Plus, I had no idea or clue about AS or Aspergers then. I just thought I had a tough time with things and suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety and that was pretty much it.

We've been together for about 5-6 years. As time progresses, I realize I'm more and different than what she originally bargained for, and I can see her struggling with that. Now with me thinking and fairly certain I'm on the spectrum...I'm even further off from "the man she originally fell in love with."

I get the sense that she's feels I'm reaching in my attempts to find an explanation for my failed life and issues, and to some degree thinks I'm just looking for something to justify things, and it's not real. It's all in my head. It's very real to me. I don't jump on explanations and go "ok that's me" find something else "ok that's me." This is the ONLY thing I've come across in my life where I said, "ok that's me" with any degree of real certainty.

Exactly.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

I fear I won't be required on making a decision on what to do next, because the friend with whom I had this dispute seems to have disappeared. He does not answer the phone, my emails or anything. I think he's off

Only counting cards in Vegas counts.

Hey if he disappeared he's not a true friend after all. I think it's very common for people to not take ASD seriously. In fact, nearly all the people I told didn't really acknowledge it. My parents didn't bother to study it at all, just complain about their rotten luck that their daughter is "abnormal". My in-laws showed respect and willingness to learn, but never ever mention about it again. I wonder if they think if they don't ever say "autism" then hopefully I won't exhibit anything weird. My friends just say "oh is that so, whatever." My family doctor said "you don't look like you have it." What can I do other than living with them?

To me there are two types of people in this situation:

Type 1- Uneducated: These are people who haven't heard of it before they don't necessarily discount it but they don't know enough about it.

Type 2- Haters: These are people regardless they know about it or not just brand it as an excuse for us to be as*holes or not to socialize.

The way to deal with type 1's is to educate them and for type 2's to shoot them down in flames.