What if our ToM could be accessed?

Post Reply New Topic

What if we do have ToM, only we're not able to access it unconsciously inside our intuition as NTs do? What if there were ways to access it?

I ask because I've had instances in my life of sudden "enlightenment" when all of a sudden a total social mystery became crystal clear - either in a dream, or in alpha state, or when doing psychodrama exercises.

IMO, yes, through regular meditation.

I'm sorry I don't understand what ToM stands for. I keep reading it as.... something else.

HF - different people define ToM as different things. In my personal definition, which coincides with many other people's, Theory of Mind is the ability to figure what a common, normal person/group would feel/think/want/need in a given situation.

I think we are able to rebuild parts of the database of understanding people in our minds, but you have to dig very deep and retrace every step you take, to be able understand how to build mirror images, which you can use to reflect on the behavior of other people, and eventually to get closer to understanding them.

See ToM as a finished model airplane, and people without autism or any other development disorders in that cluster are born with a finished painted model, whereas people with autism are born with only the pieces in a box, not knowing it has to be a plane and what the plane should look like, trough trial and error you slowly start building that plane, and some will only have finished the wings, where others have an almost finished plane but haven't colored it yet, and some may not have any glue in the box to fit the pieces together.

I retrace my steps a lot and that helped me a lot to understand things about ToM but I don't know if that counts as meditation or something else, I guess walking around in your mind as if its a museum of collective data is my way of meditation.

I think that most of us do develop theory of mind, actually. It's delayed, but most autistics have it by adulthood. Some even on time, depending on their particular traits.

I know I'm capable of thinking about other people's viewpoints, and have been since childhood. I don't have a heavily emotional theory of mind, which does differ from NTs, but it works for me.

Please note I'm referring here to that ToM that is supposed to belong in the intuitive, right-hemisphere part of the brain. Maybe we do have it, but need to do something NTs don't need to do, in order to access it?

HF, to give a very simplistic example, if someone says "I'm terribly thirsty", the other person knows that a glass of water will be welcome by the speaker.

At the last autism conference I went to, it was explained by Dr Tarbox that ToM is actually a set of skills so in a way it's a confusing title because it doesn't describe one skill/trait. I think that could explain why we all have varying levels of ToM skills. Some of us especially as kids might have had little to absolutely none of the skills categorized under the catch all term ToM. I know I have a pretty good to ok ToM, at least intellectually but in the moment when I am interacting with people, especially in groups but also in 1:1 interaction, I can't access any or very little of my ToM skills. Maybe because unlike NT brain, we have a tough time processing more than 1 thing at a time, if we have ToM, it goes out the window. I don't know, just some thoughts I've been tossing around in my busy brain.

I have really bad ToM, I don't know what other people are thinking in a situation, and I don't take account whatever context other people are taking into account, and from my perspective, other people appear histrionic and insane, but I can still have interactions and conversations inspite of this social-emotional dunceness.

I have a hard time understanding what is involved in theory of mind, but this is my understanding of it as it relates to me.

Up until 7th grade I was oblivious to my social isolation. In 7th grade I became aware that other girls got together in groups and started talking and acting like grownups. I wondered how they knew these things and I didn't, but I was still isolated and could not participate. If that is theory of mind, I think it is the level of theory of mind I have stayed at my entire life. I had childhood friends in my neighborhood. I was immature and only knew how to play with younger kids when the play involved doing things and not being social. I guess you could say I was socially immature and maybe that is a manifestation of a lack of theory of mind.

Most of the time I go about my days not considering connecting with other people except for what is necessary for survival. I connect well with my daughter and grandchildren because they are an extension of me. I have no natural inclination to start friendships or be part of a social network. I never initiate social contact. I have had no more than 3 friends throughout my adult life and they went out of their way to make friends with me and I passively accepted their friendship, but the friendships did not last. It never occurred to me to initiate a friendship. I don't know how to be a friend, I am not concerned with other peoples lives or what they are thinking, but that is not because of a lack of empathy. I do have empathy, especially for my family. I have conversations with people who talk to me. I do not dislike people, although my parents thought I did not like people.

I remain isolated in the universe within my own mind. I think my isolation and social immaturity is due to an incomplete development of ToM or no natural inclination to think that way.

I only think about "give and take". Whatever information they receive about me + lies I may or may not tell and vice-versa for them to me.

Never do I think about what they want-ish...