The myth of "growing out of it" for autistic/AS ch

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I have heard multiple times that the idea of AS children "growing out of it" and becoming neurotypical/almost neurotypical is a myth--but I had always thought that I had shown AS behaviors as a child which disappeared as an adult, and now I am confused whether I never had it in the first place, or if I'm just coping extremely well now.

When I was younger (elementary school aged) I was very very clearly HF AS. I would have meltdowns if a stranger spoke to me, if something was changed (we trimmed one branch off a backyard tree and I had a panic attack), or if I was criticized. If someone attempted to speak to me, I would hide under a table, I wasn't able to understand social cues, etc. The idea of speaking over the phone to a stranger was so horrifying I couldn't even make a call to ask a store's hours until I was in my mid teens. I was so sensation-sensitive that I had to wear entirely handmade clothes, because the feeling of seams or tags made wearing store-bought clothes unbearable, and I couldn't eat strongly-flavored food. I had one childhood friend who didn't seem bothered by my oddities, but I spent almost every waking moment doing puzzles, reading, or playing with my toys that I became very attached to, and avoided all social interactions.

However, I now exhibit none of these behaviors. I seem to have minor social flaws (ie sometimes thinking literally, some discussion of things that others find boring) but now (~20 years old) I function socially with almost no anxiety or any issues--I don't think I or anyone who knows me would classify me as AS.

What do you guys think? How did you or your children's AS behaviors change with age?

I never "grew out of it"; I just found ways of working around the limitations that having an ASD put on me.

You don't grow out of it.

You learn how to do new things and how to cope.

You never "grow out of it," that is a cruel myth used to bully autistic adults and deny their handicaps. You develop coping mechanisms that help you function and hide your differences so that you're not singled out and harassed as much and most of those coping mechanisms are developed unconsciously. As you mature and come to understand the reasons and triggers for your autistic anxieties, you gain more control over your emotions, thus meltdowns and outbursts of frustration are better controlled.

This is why it's considered more difficult to diagnose AS and HFA in adults and many professionals who are used to working with autistic children can be very dismissive of adults with autism, because the diagnostic criteria they normally look for are not as easily recognizable, but they are nonetheless there. Sometimes it may take observation over a longer period of time to spot them for what they are, but masked is not cured.

Don't ever fool yourself into believing that you've magically transformed yourself into a common neurotypical. No matter how well you think you are functioning and blending in, everyone around you still perceives you as 'odd,' because your brain does not function like theirs and no amount of masking will ever completely cover that up.

If the person never had it to begin with, then why did they have all those symptoms as children? That is what I wonder. Were they just brats? Just bossy? Wanted everything their way? Strong willed and professionals thought it was all autism? Were they just restless and fidgety? Why the impairments if it wasn't autism?

I keep hearing how if you have "grown out of it" you never had it to begin with. Isn't that like saying if you have outgrown having seizures, you never had them to begin with? Same with food allergies? I hear some people grow out of their allergies.

Ja. I kinda improved as I got older as well, especially starting at age 14.

As I understand it, under the DSM-5, you are autistic for life and you never outgrow; it's just that the symptoms may be "masked" by learned strategies later in life.

That is how it was explained to me by a specialist with many years in the field.

Yes. There was no Asperger's when I was young, of course. There was however being uncooperative, and being irresponsible. Or "He lives in a world of his own." Self-absorbed. There was "acting-out." And later there was passive-aggressive. And even Peter Pan Syndrome.

That was the sense of growing up AS that I got from reading about it, but that's not how I feel about my behavior--I don't feel that I am suppressing meltdowns or using strategies to cope with my anxiety, I simply don't get meltdowns or experience much anxiety.

I think my question is more what League Girl was saying

Does my lack of symptoms now mean I was never ASD, and if so, what would you call that behavior and "recovery"? Maybe this is the reason that the myth of "growing out of it" got started--from some people exhibiting AS behaviors that then disappear?

I'd say it's unlikely you had an ASD, considering its constancy. I think that some hold the idea that an obstreperous child must have some kind of neurological condition. But lots of cognitively normal children are difficult when growing up.

Your other behaviours could be explained by just social anxiety that has now diminished almost completely.

But that's simply an opinion, I'm no expert.