What are your parent's like ?
When I was young, I thought they were ridiculously mean and strict, but having been a parent myself now, I realize they were just trying to make sure I knew the rules of society and understood how things were in the real world, so I could survive and function when I was older and on my own.
Of course, I also understand now that even though any diagnosis was decades away and none of us had any idea what Autism or Asperger were, they could clearly see that I had problems with poor social skills (even I knew that) and that my thinking was often very naive, so they kind of had to pound things into my head that a more neurotypical kid would have understood on their own. They spent a lot of time correcting me and lecturing me and I resented them for it terribly. It seemed to me they were the worst kind of abusive tyrants, who could not or would not even try to see my point of view.
There was a time when I thought I would hate them forever, but once I got out from under their roof, things between us mellowed considerably (even when I failed repeatedly and had to move back home to regroup) and they began to treat me more like an adult individual instead of a dumb kid or a sullen teenager. They are certainly closer to my sister, who other than a touch of Dyslexia, turned out perfectly normal, competent and successful, and is therefore their pride and joy, whereas I am the embarrassing disappointment they've had to prop up over and over, but we get along okay. I have to respect the fact that if they hadn't been there to fall back on over the years, I'd have been homeless and living under a bridge many times over.
Still, it would be nice if there were a way to let them see the world through my brain for a while. You can't ever really be close to someone who doesn't understand who you are.
My mother is an NT but has depression (dysthymia).
My father has many traits of AS and ADHD-PI and is very much like me, and he is diagnosed with ODD+schizoid features.
They're both ok.
I get along with my fsther better, mainly because he's more like me and because during my childhood years I passed way more time with him than with my mother (because of various reasons).
My mother is NT, but seems to suffer with anxiety, though she would deny this.
My father seems likely to be on the spectrum, but if you were to ask him, he'd just say he had some learning difficulties in school.
He is in more or less complete denial.
Hence in my family my father is seen to be quirky, eccentric, difficult, and moody, but that's him and everyone has to accept it.
On the other hand, I was recently diagnosed with ASD.
I'm 41, and was incorrectly diagnosed with schizophrenia, after I had a psychotic episode when I was 17.
I realise now that this was because I was having great difficulty adapting to changes in my life at the time, but this was completely overlooked when this occurred.
As the teen years are the typical time one experiments with substances, my parents decided that I must have made myself mentally ill by using drugs, and that I was to blame for my own problems and difficulties.
From then on, I was treated as though I was immature, irresponsible, and in one instance and psychiatrist stated that I was seeking attention and sabotaging myself to gain attention.
My mother actively engaged in clandestine behaviour to break me up with any girlfriend she didn't approve of - which was most of them, and likewise tried to remove any "bad influence" from friendships I had developed.
This behaviour continued until in the past five or six years I have ceased almost all contact with my parents, save for the occasional salvo I send, when I go through memories of abuse and neglect and send letters bringing my concerns to them.
Likewise I sent a letter a few days after my diagnosis to say how I did not blame them for the fact I have been diagnosed with HF Autism, but that I do hold them responsible for the way they treated me, and that they should have provided me unconditional love, acceptance, and respect, rather than try to dominate my life and make choices for me, rather than teach me how to trust my conscience, and learn to accept my limitations.
So how are my parents? Out of my life that's how they are. Do I miss them? I miss feeling part of a family, but I don't miss the ridicule, lack of respect and courtesy, and the belittling behaviour that went with being an active member of a dysfunctional family.
They really came to rely on me to be their whipping boy, as it was easier for them to say they had a troubled family member, than to accept they were far form perfect themselves.
I sometimes feel I want to know when they die so I can urinate on their graves.
My parents are incredible and truly go above and beyond for me. Even through my often difficult childhood, they have been, and still are extremely supportive and continue to do everything they can to ensure my success. They are also very much against labels in general and while they agree that ASD fit me as a child, they think that I shouldn't rely on this label to define myself. They prefer to see me as an intelligent, creative person with tons to offer others and society.
I also work closely with people with ASD and those people with supportive and accepting parents usually have the greatest chance of success in many areas. Many of the people I know struggle with having to deal with self-absorbed or inconsiderate parents, and this manifests in tons of anxiety, depression and lack of self-awareness.
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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.
My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
Last edited by anneurysm on 05 Aug 2013, 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My mom's not to bad as far as things go I suppose, but my dad on the other hand is quick to anger, close-minded about everything and just generally a real tyrant most of the time. Both of them though are really over bearing and refuse to let me do things on my own. Heck I even have a hard time getting to go to the store without at least one of them coming along, which now that I'm 22 is starting to get very old very quickly.
The biggest thing that drives me crazy about them though is that they're very closed minded about things such as psychology, fringe or alternate lifestyles, and any type of sexuality other than heterosexual. This might grow to be a problem since I'm bi and I can't start a conversation about anything resembling these topics without starting an argument.
Actually let me restate that the biggest issue I have with them is the way I can't say anything that they don't agree with without starting an argument. They seem to have settled down on bashing of homosexuals and other religions since my sisters and I are all supportive of the LGBT community and one of my sisters is agnostic, but still I'm afraid to ask them questions or try and start a conversation with them because it seems we always end up in a fight. Not to mention that everything that goes wrong is our own fault no matter how much evidence is showing otherwise.
They also fail to comfort me and my sisters when we need them most. My sister came out as having considered suicide after her best friend told her she hated her and the only thing she got was a lecture and told to forget about her. While when I came home almost every night in near tears thanks to an abusive workplace I would be told that it was my fault and to do better. At one point I ended up having a bad meltdown over this and spend almost an hour in the shower trying to calm down before just sitting on the couch curled up under a blanket while he kept telling me to stop letting this get to me so much. I'm out of that job now but he still continues to make off hand comments like "make sure you get to sleep tonight so you don't make stupid mistakes at work." I'd like to mention how much they hurt me but I don't want to start another fight.
All and all mom's okay if a little hands off which is understandable because he gets even more angry at her than he does me if she disagrees with him or steps out of mind. My dad on the other hand I want to get away from and have very limited contact with once I get the money to leave.
My mother is sweet, understanding, and down-to-earth, and I usually come to her whenever I have a problem. We actually consider each other friends, because we trust one another, and we help each other out whenever we can.
My father, on the other hand, was bipolar. He has problems in the past, which resulted in his drinking and abusing my mother. My parents divorced when I was 10. When I met my stepfather a few years later, I found that he was much better to get along with than my father, and shared many of the same aforementioned traits as my mom.
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Black cat on duty
Mother had me two weeks pre-mature.
She gave me to her parents when I was 18 months, but nice as they were, they died so Mother had to have me back for a while.
She put me in Children's home when I was five, that was about the nicest thing she ever did.
Guess she didnt really want me?
Selfish.
They are both alcoholics. My mom stays depressed. My dad has depression as well, and I believe he has AS too (he is diagnosed with ADHD)
My relationship with them is.. well I don't really have one
My dad teased me a lot as a child and as an adult he still does. He is abusive and likes to watch people "react" to him, even when they have asked him to stop antagonizing them. Then when someone (like myself or my sister) reacts he blames their reaction on lack of control. Frustrating.
My mom is a saint. She is always patient, kind, gentle, and compassionate towards everyone she meets. She is especially gentle and patient with me. She is also very overprotective of me and openly admits to being so. Although on the surface my mom generally has a sunny disposition, you can tell that there is an underlying deep sadness and anxiousness within her, which is understandable given that her life before she met my dad was complete hell. My mom is also easily distracted and never sits still.
My dad is very eccentric. He baby-talks to my mom (to whom he is still happily married, by the way) and to all 4 of us kids, even though we are all grown adults. He speaks in an odd way, using unusual terminology for everyday occurrences that would not make sense to outsiders. He is almost always in a jovial and goofy mood. However, he can also become very serious when discussing certain things. Despite his eccentric behavior, however, he has an acute business sense and a very solid understanding of human nature. Like my mom, he is very gentle and understanding towards me, though he isn't as sensitive because he runs much more on logic than emotion.
Well, one parent (dad) is pretty dead. But growing up, I was always daddy's girl. As an adult, I understand that he may not have been the perfect parent, but he was my dad and the best dad in the world to me.
My mom has always been the tough one, the one who raised us, set the limits, enforced the rules, checked the homework was done etc. She is, and have always been, the warrior of the family. Fierce in her love and loyalty, never backing down, never giving up. (Actually, sometimes OOM reminds me a little of my own mom.) So my teens was pretty much one long battle. I hate to admit it, but ya know, mom always knows best... Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to kick my own a$$ and say 'Listen to your mother, you moron!'.
My Parents are both very friendly and caring in their own way.
My mom understands me better and listens better than any psychologist I've ever met in my life, and since she has a form of high functioning autism as well, I guess in the last few years we have sort of have become each others therapist .
My dad is less of the talking type but if I'd ever be in a Jam he'd be there in no time to help me out, and we sometimes go on trips together to museums and other places that match our mutual interests.
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