Self Medicating, Self Intoxicating, Down to Scipts +Results

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From a rather young age I discovered I did not need to feel as i thought through drinking then onto weed and all the way till the end of the list. But my methods were much less conventional. I was a maintenance man, just enough to keep the chemicals flowing throughout the day.
Ive learnt there are things I just cannot touch - weed just slows my processing speed down to nothing to the point im in hyperfocus x10 with paranoia and anxiety. Those effects tend to couple most phychedelics for me. I cannot stop thinking, cannot function and gain insecurities.
Ten years of semi-self medicating through the means of opiates was a productive decade - not including the year at the end of it.
And now its back to plane old fasioned whyskey beer and wine. I feel i cant really have a conversation without.

Ritalin is the new thing which Im not too sure of. Not knowing what things can do really leaves me in the dark on this one.

Reasearching these chemicals were my special interest for a long time so please share some opinions and differences - MDMA make me see what ever my brain wants me to see.

Surely we've got some good data in here. - look foward to discussing it.

Deleted.

Self medicating did not go so well for me.

I used prescription drugs, a type of beta-blocker called Propranolol, as well as alchohol and opiate painkillers. Mostly, it was just the Propranolol, which I did not use as prescribed. It would calm my mood and anxiety and paranoia right down...and I got hooked on the feeling of normality. I'm now being taken off it because they're convinced I'm addicted, and are worried about the damage I have possibly done to my stomach. I was sometimes, taking packets at a time.

They prescribed me Zopiclone a few weeks ago (Sleeping pills). I've only taken one, and they're crap, to be honest. Since I've been warned that I may well end up in hospital if I mess around with my meds, I'm not gonna.

Still can't help but kinda wish I had the feeling of calm that OD'ing on Propranolol gave me though...as bad as that sounds.

My experience:

MDMA - Allowed me to experience people as warm beings I could feel good with rather than complicated objects I had to puzzle over. However this drug is quite potent and can only be used in careful doses at infrequent intervals.

Weed - On for most of a 15 year period in my life. This allowed me to relax about myself more and feel confident and able to focus on the things I wanted to achieve in life. I managed to get a degree, work a professional job and have a social life whilst smoking weed every day. However, it is a drug that can be difficult to control the doses of and can allow a person to become habitual with. Not smoked it for years now.

Alcohol - A nasty drug that I only take if I cannot sleep and am getting agitated about it. I have never taken to this drug like most people do. It makes me feel sick and bloated.

LSD - Can be fun, but also freaked me out a lot. Only took it on odd occasions. It is no use to me as a medication.

Tricyclic Anti-Depressants - Induce lethargy and a spaced out feeling but can leave me feeling irritable too. Not very effective and I tend to feel worse if I use them for anxiety or depression.

SSRI - I took them once for a 3 week period and they made me so hyperactive I could not sit down for 5 seconds. Far too severe for me and will not take them again.

Diazapam - Brings on a very blissed out sedate feeling but leaves you feeling anxious and irritable. Only had minimal use of these.

Zopiclone - A lethal sleeping pill that will knock me out on the first dose, but subsequent doses are not effective and if I take for several days on the run will make me feel very anxious and over stressed. I will never take one again.

Zolpidem - Similar to Zopiclone but allows you to dream. I found my first experience to be very bizarre because I went to sleep and had a colorful dream that was so real I still remember it clearly to this day. But like Zopiclone the drug stops doing what its suppose to do after a couple of days.

At the moment I don't take anything.

I find that gabapentin makes me chatty the same as alcohol, but without the impaired judgement or 'sloppiness'.

And, far as abuse potential you can't get high on it for more than 2 days in a row. For whatever pharmacological reason there's a rapid tolerance that prevents it. ...Er, that is, a rapid tolerance to *feeling high.* I've noticed that on a dose that is less than one that I can feel, I can still tell that the drug is doing something by how I interact with others. So, I suspect that the 'tolerance' is actually not the same kind of tolerance that opiates and other things cause, maybe due to GP causing increased release of GABA in an indirect way. Oh, and I haven't had to increase the dose in 3 years (though it's a somewhat large one at 1600mg/d).

Besides that I take amitriptyline, since I can't tolerate SSRI's at all and being half-suicidal all the time was sucking worse and worse as I got older. The SSRI's are supposed to have fewer side effects, but for me I'd rather have AT's physical side effects that I can do something about than debilitating psychic side effects that I'm stuck with.