Help Finding Therapy, and Help Living

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I need help,

I have two choices of therapy as it seems:

1 - understand that my victimhood is because of my parents' and family's neglect of me and my needs
2 - take responsibility despite the victimhood state and despite how my family has been treating me (this includes lying from my mother, a suicide attempt which could have potentially ruined my family's reputation in which I have not eaten and drank for a few days and could have caused damage to my brain because of an extremely stressful event I have gone through with not a single person caring about it so how the F*** does a therapist expect me to care about others REGARDLESS of that?!)

Decision 1 is owning what I've decided and what I've been through and go forward with it, which could potentially limit my social and economical status. But then my ego is pleased, and with the fact that I do not have to take responsibilities for problems which could've been taken of had my family cared for me

Decision 2 is the most frustrating one. The therapist said "Maybe you mother doesn't know how to care". There is no "doesn't know", there is only "doesn't want"
And my family can joke around and be all fine regardless of my condition. They give absolute no f***. To be honest yet ironic, so do I. I really don't give a f*** about life anymore. I rationally want to end it. It has come to a dire and unfortunate conclusion, that in order to really and truly thrive, I have to accept allot of bulls*** from other people, even people who are supposed to be friends

If you were really ready to end it all, you would not be reaching out for help right now.

You present a dichotomy of therapy approaches, and frankly I am a little confused. You seem to know how the therapy would go, don't even need the therapist. Whenever you find yourself looking at two opposing outcomes, question whether you are using black-and-white thinking, a cognitive distortion frequently seen in autistic persons. Reality usually is much more multi-faceted than that.

I urge you to start psychotherapy, go as slow as you need to, and allow some unexpected outcomes to develop. I hope it helps you.

#1 is a dead-end

#2 is the route towards life and independence. Its a tough road, but worth it.

just my 2c

I admit that I did not understand #1 and #2 were different therapists, I thought they were just approaches.

Go with your gut, and express your reservations. It's all grist for the therapy mill. Don't be afraid to tell the therapist how you really feel about the therapy. That's hard to do, but discussing it will give you progress.

Best of luck, and let us know how it is going.

accidental double post, sorry