Intentionally using "um" and "uh" in sen

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I just realized that I intentionally use "um" and "uh" when I'm talking to... I dunno, sound normal? An example would be when I go to order something at a fast food place. My "script" has "um" and "uh" in it. So I'd say something like "I'd like uhhh... X please". And that "uh" would be there every single time. Even though I know exactly what I'm going to order and don't have any problems cutting it out.

I guess I feel like without it my speech would be robotic or awkward? It's not just when ordering though. I find myself doing it whenever a sentence doesn't sound "right" in my head. I'll add a um/uh wherever it would make it sound "better".

Does anyone else do this, or is just me?

When I first started in Radio, that was one of the first things my mentors beat out of my head, because it sounds so unsure and unprofessional to be hemming and hawing on the air. I don't know if I did it any more or less than most people, but because of that training, I am now hyper aware of it when I hear others doing it. A little of it is normal, but some people do it so much I just want to shake them by the shoulders and scream "Spit it out already!"

Yeah, I use those often. I do so intentionally or un-intentionally simply because I haven't thought of anything to say. Often with anything like decisions and so on. It signals a pause for thought and its normal, people often get annoyed that I need time to think over even the most mundane of things.

(I was wonderin when I'd see an Ace here. (Lol I dont even remember my user name. I remember you, though))

I do the same.
It's because I take so long to think, people skip over letting me answer, so I 'um' and 'uh' to, sort of, fend off their cutting me off. XD Being autistic, I can't multi-task, so it just ends up prolonging things, or making it more difficult to think...

Ah, you remember me from the name and text from AVEN well met, and one with the same issues. Feel free to PM any time here, or AVEN if you remember

Well I more of meant intentionally saying them, even though I know exactly what I'm going to say. Like, I can say it perfectly fine, but interject it to make it sound "better" (even though it probably doesn't).

Dude. This reminds me of when I added "like" to my vocabulary. I figured it would make me sound more like everybody else (which, okay, it did. But then I sounded more like a valley girl, and less like me!) It took a while to get the hang of it, and now it's stuck there. Drives me crazy. I'm only just now starting to break the habit, years later...

I don't think I add in "uh" or "um" on purpose, but I kind of know what you mean. I always order the same thing, so it should be easy to say "I would like ________, please." But the "uh" drops itself in there, uninvited...

^ same here.

I can't remember when I started to use it, only that I did so intentionally to sound 'less formal', and now it's like herpes -- it may disappear for a while, but it's always there and can break out again at the most inopportune moments...

I have enough trouble with trying to stop unintentional 'um' and 'ah's that I don't start use them intentionally ... unless I'm stalling. I do use them in written language to convey a "pause for thought", though.

I think I use those ums and uhs, too. I think I do it because they kind of give a flow to my speech, make my speech sound more natural, make it easier for the listener (with punctuations) and/or somewhat lessen my level of commitment to my statements.

Here's a typical scenario.

Other person: what's your name?

Me: uh, Melissa.

I know my name. I'm not trying to give myself time to think. I just use uh and um habitually.

Sometimes I use it to sound less sure of myself. I might want to share my opinion without sounding too confident in it. I might want to come across as unassertive. That's when I use it intentionally to change the way I sound to others.

Is it an aspie thing, you think, to always sound sure of yourself/direct, outside of professional situations? I know I used to come across as being blunt, so I forced myself to say um.

I do that a lot too. I find myself saying "like" a lot also. I tend to write "like" as well when I am writing informally. But sometimes if I leave someone a voicemail I notice how much I say those things when I check the message. I always have to check the messages before I send them because sometimes I can speak a lot faster than I hear myself speak and sometimes I swallow my words. So I have to try to speak very slowly for it to be clear and sometimes I have rerecord the messages.

Yeah, I'd say so. We're all so stuck in our heads, it's hard sometimes to realize that other people don't see we're right! I've found that over the years I've started "softening" my statements, with "I think..." or "maybe..." or "I'm not sure, but it seems like..." when I'm absolutely certain that I'm right. People accept new ideas a little easier when they think you're willing to meet them halfway.

Unfortunately, now I always sound like a pushover. I need to figure out where the "happy medium" is.

I know what you mean. I had someone yell at me because I made an absolute statement in a conversation with her once. When she talked to me about it she said I should say, "I think or I believe such and such..." I told her that didn't make any sense because if I said it like I did then of course it's what I think and believe, what else would it be??? But she insisted that the way I was saying stuff was wrong and forcing my belief on them. I told her that other people can believe whatever they want, I am not forcing my belief, I am just saying what I believe and if you don't believe it than don't. You have the right to believe whatever you want. But I started saying "I think and I believe whatever.." because I I thought it was more important to not turn people off so that at least they could hear what I was trying to say rather than just insisting on saying it the way that makes sense even though I think it's kind of of silly to say " I think...". If you are saying it than most of the time you are thinking it. I am learning that whatever you can do to help the communication go and to be understood and to try to understood others, it won't hurt to try to change how you might do or say something if it might help them.

Skibum: Yes, picking up on these little phrases does help a lot, surprisingly. It makes me want to point it out to other blunt people, but I don't think it would come off very well: "I think you should maybe try to use more phrases like 'I think' and 'maybe' in your regular speech, because less people will want to slap you. Probably." Hmm...

It isn't just an aspie thing - it can also be a learned behavior. I come from a deep military background - someone has served in every generation as far back as we can trace the records. When I went into the Corps speaking with authority and confidence was something I had no trouble with because that was just the way things were done in my family. If you didn't speak with authority or you hesitated when asked a question then you clearly didn't know the answer and more work was needed. When I left the military and had to integrate into the civilian world I had all sorts of trouble interacting with my purely civilian colleagues. It took many years and much harder work than I like to admit to train myself to be less decisive in my personal interactions. It wasn't that I didn't recognize or appreciate all of the shades of gray - simply that I was conditioned to reach a conclusion on whatever situation I found myself in and take action to accomplish my goal. Now that I am older and more mellow, it has become something of a hobby to muddle about in gray areas to see what happens.