maldoror wrote:
There are times when I feel on top of the world, and I'm driving to work or something, and I tell myself this is going to be one of those days where I'm on the same wavelength as everyone, and thoughts are racing through my head about how I've been doing everything wrong before, and then I walk in the building and someone greets me and I can barely manage a monotone "hello." It's frustrating.
I know the feeling too well. Sometimes, when I'm nearly manic, I feel like I'm floating on air and thoughts are flying by faster than I can register them; I'll start wondering why on Earth I'd been so clumsy and shy before, and I feel sure I'll never be like that again, because it seems that it'll be so easy to talk to others when I try. I can picture it in my head precisely, the way I'm going to speak and move my hands and react. Then someone approaches me, and I suddenly don't know what to say, get shy all over again, and barely manage to squeeze something very quiet out of myself which the other person hardly hears. It's like running headlong into a brick wall.
I have the expansive "highs" when I do chat and communicate fairly easily, too, but not always.
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Yes, I've always felt that way. I remember even back in kintergarten wondering if it was normal. I think this is the reason that my mind moves so much faster than my mouth; when I'm thinking about what I want to say to a person, or what i'm going to write in an essay, it comes together more like a mosaic with a few discernable words poking in here and there rather than a string of comprehensible sentences. This is why I think I have so much trouble communicating myself sometimes, I just can't find the word or the particular phrase I'm looking for.
Exactly. It's like this torrent of images tumbling one over the other, with the occasional word here and there. It takes time to translate those images into words, and it's often hard to find the right words for a particular image or a string of them. An image may be described in many different ways, so, while it stays the way it is, it's clear to me, but once I have to do the describing I feel at a loss. In a way, it's like constantly having to do simultaneous interpreting. I remember Temple Grandin saying somewhere that she feels like being in a foreign country where verbal language is used, while to her it is only her second language, and in her mind she has to translate the images into it and back all the time. With me it's not as pronounced, probably, but I know precisely what she meant.
Last edited by ixochiyo_yohuallan on 13 Feb 2007, 9:55 am, edited 1 time in total.