Useful conversation techniques

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Do you ever have trouble starting conversations
with people?

You see someone you want to talk to, but you are afraid to approach
them because you have no idea what to say.

Your mind is blank.

This used to happen to me ALL THE TIME and it would make me feel
both frustrated and stupid.

So that's what this email is about.

By the way - most of today's advice comes from my Shyness and
Social Anxiety System eBook. If you haven't checked it out yet, I
highly recommend clicking the link below.


(And as always, if you want to email me YOUR question, simply send
it to [email protected])


*** QUESTION FROM A READER ****

Hello,

Can you give me some information on how to start conversations? I
am not good at that at all. Also can you tell me how to build self
confidence and self esteem? Thanks

Allison


>>> Hey Allison,

I'm going to save your second question to another day. Building
self confidence and self esteem are both too big to cover in a
single email.

As for how to start conversations...that's simple.

But even though starting conversations is simple, back when I was
shy and socially anxious it was definitely not easy.

I remember seeing someone who I wanted to talk to and then hiding
from them so they couldn't see me for a minute while I thought up
of something to say.

Sometimes nothing came to mind so I would consciously try to avoid
them.

Or I would think up of something to say, hesitate for a bit, and
then decide not to do it.

Or I would actually go up and say whatever it was that I thought
of, and then they would reply well, but then I wouldn't know what
to say next.

And I'd just stand there or make some useless comment that would
end the conversation.


It was SO FRUSTRATING. I was trying so hard and failing at it while
everyone else was able to talk so easily and naturally.

I'm sure you know what I mean. I constantly worried that something
like this would happen:

Me: Have you seen so-and-so movie?

Him: No.

Me:

Him:

Me:

...

After a while, I kind of got into a habit of having a few "topics"
of conversation lined up in my head that I could bring up in
conversation before I even approached someone.

Which worked OK as a temporary crutch...until I ran out of topics.

But then I made up a new technique called "Conversation Threading"
that allows shy people to talk as easily as everyone else.

It's all in my report "How To Always Know What To Say Next", that
comes as a free bonus along with my ebook here:



So that's the first step:


****************************************************
ONCE YOU KNOW HOW TO CARRY ON A
REGULAR CONVERSATION 100% OF THE
TIME, THEN STARTING CONVERSATIONS
WILL BECOME A LOT EASIER.
****************************************************

Why?

It's because the reason why you have difficulty starting
conversations in the first place is because you think too far
ahead into the future.

So knowing that you're gonna have something to say regardless of
what the other person throws at you allows you to relax and be a
lot less nervous.

You can focus on the present moment and actually pay attention to
what the conversation is about and what the other person is saying..

Which is the opposite of what you probably do now.

Most shy and socially anxious people focus on what they're going to
be saying 10 seconds into the future.

If you are thinking ahead at any point in an interaction to what
you're going to do, then it's gonna come off unnatural.

I really, really, really want you to get this.

This is THE THING that makes shy people look self-conscious.

Most anxiety comes from thinking too much instead of keeping your
focus on the present moment.

So...

...whenever you walk up to someone and you have pre-planned what
you're going to say...

YOU'VE FAILED.

From now on, walk up to people without pre-planning what you're
going to say.

(And yeah, I do realize how impossible this sounds to you right
now. Trust me, there are some special techniques I can teach you
that will allow you to talk without planning.)

Right now you're probably thinking...


************************
BUT WHAT DO I SAY!?! !
************************

If you are looking for some exact words to use, then you are
seeking the wrong solution.

Think about it.

There are lots of books out there called "1001 Conversation
Starters". All written by well-intentioned people. Feel free to go
to the library and borrow one of the dozens they have.

But they completely miss the point.

The problem isn't not knowing the words that you are going to say.

That's like a band-aid over the real problem.

The real problem is that you CAN'T just walk up to someone you know
and start talking with no fear, no anxiety, no hesitation.

And that's what I'm trying to fix here and in parts of my eBook.

So now I'm going to wrap this up by giving you a practical tips you
can apply immediately:

---


1. Start Conversations With Filler

What I mean by this is, talk how other people talk.

Most conversations are started with "How's it going?" or "Hey Mike."
For example:

You: Hey, how's it going?

Him: It's good, how about you?

You: Good. I saw so-and-so movie yesterday.

People don't usually launch into conversation without something
like this at the beginning. Yeah, it's repetitive, but do it. What
you say will depend on your age group, what gender you are, etc.

---


2. Three Second Rule

If you see someone and you want to talk to them, do it within 3
seconds. Don't wait to have something to say. Walk up and say
anything. "Hey, how's it going" is good enough. But say anything.

You'll be far better off being in a spontaneous state of mind and
approaching with that than if you spent a minute coming up with the
perfect conversation starter.

The more you wait before you approach, the more unnatural and
contrived you will seem when you finally do.

Besides, if you know how to carry on a conversation naturally (see
the bonus report that comes with my eBook), then you won't be too
worried about having a perfect opening line.

---


3. Actually Do Stuff You Can Talk About

I know this tip is a little bit odd, but what do you think most
people talk about?

Past Experiences
Past Relationships
Future Plans/Events
Hobbies
Movies
Music
TV Shows
Sports
School/Work
etc...

If you share nothing in common with most people, then it's going to
be a lot harder to keep your focus on what's being talked about.

You'll have the urge to escape and think about your own interests.

And, really, most conversations are started around these topics:

"You wouldn't believe what happened at my tournament."
"Did you watch the fight last night?"
"My parents are going to the Elton John concert."

If you have stuff you're interested in going on in your life, most
conversation comes pretty easy. As opposed to always straining to
be part of a conversation in which you have no interest in the
topic.

---


4. Situational Topics

Oops. I almost forgot this one.

One of the best ways to start a conversation with someone who you
don't know at all is to make a comment about something in your
immediate surroundings.

So say you're at a grocery store, looking at bananas. And there's
someone standing right there that you want to talk to.

You could walk up, look at, then pick up a bunch of bananas and say
"I can never tell when they're ripe."

Then look over at the person, as if you're waiting for them to
confirm what you've said.

They will usually reply with something about bananas, and then you
can go into conversation threading and spin the conversation in
whichever direction you want.

"Conversation Threading" is a technique I reveal in the bonus
report that comes with my eBook. It allows you to easily come up
with the right thing to say no matter what the other person says.

I want you to get to the point where you are walking up and you say
whatever pops into your head, whether that is a situational topic
or something you did yesterday or whatever.

And that's exactly what my ebook teaches you to do. I don't make
you memorize lines. Instead I help you change the way you
fundamentally think and behave to become like a naturally
extroverted person.

If you want to learn about how to keep conversations going forever,
then check out the free report that comes with my ebook called,
"How to Always Know What To Say Next."

Believe me when I say, the stuff I share with you in these email
newsletters is only the tip of the iceberg.Click the link below now:



Your Friend,

- Sean Cooper