Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

looking into people's eyes

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

BeggingTurtle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,374
Location: New England

29 Sep 2013, 2:41 pm

Nope. It's too hard.

I can look into my ex-girlfriend's eyes though. I don't look at anyone else that way though. My eyes wander or look at other parts of their face.


_________________
Shedding your shell can be hard.
Diagnosed Level 1 autism, Tourettes + ADHD + OCD age 9, recovering Borderline personality disorder (age 16)


UnLoser
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 655

29 Sep 2013, 3:55 pm

Aspendos wrote:
But it seems that to NTs the eyes themselves convey meaning, that is, they are able to "read" the actual eyes, not the surrounding areas. That's why they say they see into someone's soul by looking into their eyes. They seem able to establish "connection" with each other by looking into each others' eyes. That's what's not happening for me. I am not able to establish any such connection, and others get freaked out because they can't establish connection with me in this way either.

Nah, NT's don't get any special information from the eyes themselves, other than the dilation of the pupils and the direction and frequency of glances. It's just a metaphor. The real information comes from the facial muscles around the eye.



Aspendos
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 394
Location: Switzerland

29 Sep 2013, 4:10 pm

UnLoser wrote:
Aspendos wrote:
But it seems that to NTs the eyes themselves convey meaning, that is, they are able to "read" the actual eyes, not the surrounding areas. That's why they say they see into someone's soul by looking into their eyes. They seem able to establish "connection" with each other by looking into each others' eyes. That's what's not happening for me. I am not able to establish any such connection, and others get freaked out because they can't establish connection with me in this way either.


Nah, NT's don't get any special information from the eyes themselves, other than the dilation of the pupils and the direction and frequency of glances. It's just a metaphor. The real information comes from the facial muscles around the eye.


No, it's not a metaphor. As I said, according to the AS assessment my ability in reading "around" the eyes is just slightly below (NT) average. I am however not able to establish any kind of connection when looking someone in the eyes. NTs are able to. Otherwise there would be very little point in looking someone in the eyes at all as one can get much more information from the rest of the face and body language.



wester13
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 69

29 Sep 2013, 4:20 pm

katkore wrote:
Okay... given that I now know I don't when I feel okay I now try and do look into people's eyes.
I've read a ton of stuff stating that it's difficult at the beginning because eyes are full of information and the brain finds it difficult to process it all at once since it's not trained.

I A M C O N F U S E D ! ! !

Like I said I tried and I'm puzzled... I mean... I don't see any useful piece of information in people's eyes... I mean it, it's like looking at two empty holes... what is all the rockus about eyes then? I find conversation much easier without looking for something absent in other people's eyes...

this has mystified me too,how many people say that in the persons eye that can what their soul is like,i think this is a kind of reading that the neurotypical brain unsubconsciouly intercepts and the apies misses it,it's the same with the body i think,the neurotypicals can smell it most of the times,but for aspies it is difficult to know the meanings



RubyWings91
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 420
Location: USA

29 Sep 2013, 6:34 pm

I don't have much trouble looking into peoples eyes now but I did when I was little. When I talked to my parents, I would be looking elsewhere as I talked and they would tell me to look at them and that was basically how I learned to look people in the eye. I still get uncomfortable sometimes but I don't have too much trouble reading emotions.

Often, I can look into peoples eyes directly and tell a lot about them. The size of the pupils plays a major role, someone who is angry, impatient or focused will have smaller pupils than someone who is relaxed. This is probably one of the reasons people get uncomfortable when Aspies stare, they may feel like we're staring them down because we hold our focused stare so long it might seem that we are angry and staring them down. I can also tell if someone's sad, upset or tired not just by looking at their irises and pupils but also the blood vessels in their eyes and how shiny their eye's are. So it is possible to learn about a person by looking them in the eye.

I think it's also important to hold eye contact because, even if you don't think it does much for communication from your perspective, the person you want to talk to might feel differently. Perhaps to avoid this issue, you could mention that you have trouble with eye contact or you could try to look the other person in the eye and request that, if you make them uncomfortable, to just let you know.