Roommate has Aspergers - trying to understand him

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If he developed these habits and rituals after the accident he does not have Autism.
Consult the DSM-5.
You cannot expect a clear-cut diagnosis from a website that doesn't have clinically trained professionals on it.
Listing out a bunch of things doesn't make a person autistic.
My sister is clumsy, obsessive in her interests and refuses to wear a bra.
Some females with Autism also have these personality traits.
That does not mean she has Autism.
Neither does it mean your friend does.

Actually, what I said was, "your attempts to help might be making it worse." That's not the same as saying you are the cause of his issues.

I don't have the magic answer for you, here, and no one on this board is going to have the magic answer. You're in "fix-it" mode right now, and I was pointing out that it may do more harm than good. Obviously you have good intentions, so you might feel like I'm attacking you or being unfair to you, but I'm not. I recognize your good intentions. I also recognize that this guy is making life harder on you and you have every right to need to advocate for yourself and improve your environment. But trust me on this... as you navigate these VERY tricky waters, just keep in the back of your mind that some of your efforts to help might actually have the reverse effect, and also keep in mind that you may be unable to "fix" him, which means you might be faced with the choice to either just put up with it, or move on.

I know that sounds really harsh and cruel, but it's something I've had to struggle with myself.

You said, "People have to take responsibility for what they control." There was a time in my life when I insisted the same kind of thing, so I definitely know where you're coming from. It took a while (and some therapy) to realize that I should have been saying, "It would be nice if people took responsibility for what they can control." Some people just won't. You can work on it with him, and maybe he'll change and maybe he won't. Maybe he'll change a little. I'm just cautioning you to go easy on the superman complex. You also might have to spend some time reflecting on whether or not this guy really CAN control what you believe he can. The human mind is a complicated thing. Just because you can control yourself in certain aspects of life, doesn't mean that he has that capability.

I'm not telling you to give up. I'm just telling you that you have to challenge your own perception of the situation. Psychologists train for years to help people, and even they don't have magic answers to "fix" people. You're taking on a huge task here, and it's important to be realistic with yourself that it's possible that some of your efforts might not be the best approach for this guy, and some things you may not realize might make it worse. Just be cautious and be aware.

PS - I wanted to say you should feel really good about yourself for being able to be so introspective about your own life, about being able to identify what was causing you problems, and for being able to change those things in your life. There are a lot of people who can't - or won't - do that. It sounds like your story has a happy ending.

OFF TOPIC:

juwes points towards freemason which could also mean cop.

yeah seriously, your friendship alone has probably been very helpful to him in ways you may never see. he may never tell you but i guarantee you that unless he has some serious issues, he is grateful for your friendship.

Thanks for the kind words. I have some anger issues and hope I was not too rude in my last post. I will try to err on the side of love and kindness like in your avatar in my dealings in general. I find that anger can quickly blind someone and make them lose sight of those goals in their relationships with people. I was able to reach a compromise with him yesterday. The guests will do the activities I planned this time but next time we have them over they will know ahead of time it is to participate in the activities he likes to do. I think everything will work out. Thanks for all the advice.

You weren't rude. You have strong emotions. That can scare some people off, but it didn't scare me off. I'm not in the exact same situation as you are, but I can relate to your situation. I'm betting at one point in your life people told you those exact words - "You have to take responsibility for what you can control!" This is obviously something that affects you very, very deeply, and it's probably something that will affect you for the rest of your life. These strong feelings are bleeding over into other situations, and other people in your life.

You are a good person, and you are a strong person. You're angry because you've been fighting for so long -- you've been fighting for your own survival - your own happiness. I can relate to this. I hope that soon you feel safe enough and happy enough that you can begin to let down your guard a little. You're doing really well in life and you're going to be okay Your roommate is lucky to have someone that cares so much. Just remember to be kind to yourself, too.

yes an impaired theory of mind your roommate has...

I could type a long story but I will just say you are very accurate in your statements. I have really let myself be drawn into negative thoughts towards myself, my life and people around me. I cannot fix everyone. My mother with her schizophrenia is a great example. All I can do is try to be kind and loving to them and see what happens. When people in my life rub me the wrong way I will impose limitations on my exposure to them, but not cut people out of my life that I love.

I've always been involved in fitness and just got back into it a couple of months ago. Fitness and lifting weights is the only thing that gives me any true peace in the world. They open doors for me. They make people want to socialize with me. There are other aspects of my life I need to fix, but I feel if I can attain a level of fitness I have been at previously I will feel a euphoric peace I have not felt in a long time. There are other goals I need to work on with money and spirituality, but I know those will come in time if I can work on this as my first and foremost goal. I cannot speak for other people but I feel true elation when I am in top shape that is on par with flying through the air on a roller coaster. I want to feel this way again while I continue working on my development and progression in other areas of the mind and soul and life in general. Particularly the soul I have seen what can happen to a person if this part of the being is ignored so I will need to work on that also. But I am going to try to focus on my goals because without that focus I feel like a ship drifting in the ocean with torn sails going nowhere. Thanks again.