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Jamesy
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30 Sep 2013, 7:48 am

I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"


She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.



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30 Sep 2013, 7:58 am

I don't think she was trying to be negative, i think there's a chance she was using irony in a way - when she replied to you by saying "now why would you want to do that?" if irony that might have meant who doesn't wan't to live on their own, i totally understand why you wan't to do that.

So don't let it get to you, i really really believe she didn't mean it in a negative way, but yeah more like "hey, i know how you feel, I've been there/am there myself" :)


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TM1337FalconPunch
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30 Sep 2013, 8:29 am

Or perhaps they were suggesting its a financially bad idea (which it is). Thats not necessarily a judgement, but they may have been trying to point something out.



Jamesy
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30 Sep 2013, 9:20 am

TM1337FalconPunch wrote:
Or perhaps they were suggesting its a financially bad idea (which it is). Thats not necessarily a judgement, but they may have been trying to point something out.




Well fine I will live a miserable servile life being treated like a toddler with my parents then :(



TM1337FalconPunch
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30 Sep 2013, 9:59 am

Jamesy wrote:
TM1337FalconPunch wrote:
Or perhaps they were suggesting its a financially bad idea (which it is). Thats not necessarily a judgement, but they may have been trying to point something out.




Well fine I will live a miserable servile life being treated like a toddler with my parents then :(
Apologies, I misread the post. I thought you said you wanted to buy your own house, not live in one.

Point retracted.



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30 Sep 2013, 10:04 am

Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"


She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


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Aspendos
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30 Sep 2013, 10:48 am

Opi wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"


She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


It was his job coach, not his mom ...

TM1337FalconPunch wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
TM1337FalconPunch wrote:
Or perhaps they were suggesting its a financially bad idea (which it is). Thats not necessarily a judgement, but they may have been trying to point something out.


Well fine I will live a miserable servile life being treated like a toddler with my parents then


Apologies, I misread the post. I thought you said you wanted to buy your own house, not live in one.

Point retracted.


Actually, it very likely would be a financial issue. You seem to live in the Southeast of England, which is an extremely expensive place to live on your own (London even more so). Most young people live in flat shares. The job coach may simply have tried to point out that unless you have a very well paying job or share with someone else (other than your parents) you may not be able to afford living on your own.



Last edited by Aspendos on 30 Sep 2013, 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Opi
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30 Sep 2013, 10:50 am

Aspendos wrote:
Opi wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"


She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


It was his job coach, not his mom ...


oops sorry :oops: my bad.

asking the question, though, could still be helpful (if she's still around).


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24 - HSP / ADD Quiz- 41, Inattention: 24, Hyperactive/Impulsive: 17
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30 Sep 2013, 12:13 pm

I know loads of young people who say they would love to live on their own. I asked one 21-year-old extroverted NT if she would prefer to live on her own or with mates, and said to live on her own, and she meant it.


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Jamesy
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30 Sep 2013, 1:47 pm

Aspendos wrote:
Opi wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"


She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


It was his job coach, not his mom ...



Any other areas of England I could live on my own?

TM1337FalconPunch wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
TM1337FalconPunch wrote:
Or perhaps they were suggesting its a financially bad idea (which it is). Thats not necessarily a judgement, but they may have been trying to point something out.


Well fine I will live a miserable servile life being treated like a toddler with my parents then


Apologies, I misread the post. I thought you said you wanted to buy your own house, not live in one.

Point retracted.


Actually, it very likely would be a financial issue. You seem to live in the Southeast of England, which is an extremely expensive place to live on your own (London even more so). Most young people live in flat shares. The job coach may simply have tried to point out that unless you have a very well paying job or share with someone else (other than your parents) you may not be able to afford living on your own.



Aspendos
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30 Sep 2013, 2:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Aspendos wrote:
Opi wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"

She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


It was his job coach, not his mom ...


Any other areas of England I could live on my own?


I hear that the North is much cheaper ... but pay is lower too and jobs may be scarce. Same if you move to a rural area (other than the Southeast). So, I don't know how it would work out over all financially. I only lived in the Southeast for two years.



Jamesy
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30 Sep 2013, 2:55 pm

Aspendos wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Aspendos wrote:
Opi wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"

She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


It was his job coach, not his mom ...





What about southwest

Any other areas of England I could live on my own?


I hear that the North is much cheaper ... but pay is lower too and jobs may be scarce. Same if you move to a rural area (other than the Southeast). So, I don't know how it would work out over all financially. I only lived in the Southeast for two years.



Aspendos
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30 Sep 2013, 3:00 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Aspendos wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Aspendos wrote:
Opi wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I said to my old job coach once "I'd like to live in my own house" and she replied by saying "now why would you want to do that?"

She knows I have autism but do you think she was making a judgment about me by that comment? I am 24 now but I was 23 at the time she said that to me.


now i'm an aspie but i've also been a step-mom with a dad who was pretty close to his kids, so my first reaction is to put myself in your mom's shoes.

it's possible her comment was more about her own feelings about you wanting to leave, than about your ability to leave.

for example, she may have taken your comment as some form of rejection. or, she might have thought you would take it as rejection if she didn't encourage you to stay.

it might be worth just asking her. "mom, when you said X last year, i felt like you didn't believe in my ability to live independently. is that what you meant? if not, why did you say that?"


It was his job coach, not his mom ...


Any other areas of England I could live on my own?


I hear that the North is much cheaper ... but pay is lower too and jobs may be scarce. Same if you move to a rural area (other than the Southeast). So, I don't know how it would work out over all financially. I only lived in the Southeast for two years.


What about southwest


Sorry, don't know. I'm not familiar with the Southwest. I think Wales is comparatively cheap too.