Does this seem like Aspergers?

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Sorry, another one of these... I've been thinking about posting this a long time ago but never seemed to get around to it. All of the embarrassing things about my life that I've tried to hide since childhood up on the internet for all to see... I am currently on a waiting list to schedule the first appointment for my assessment. I am still going to go through with the assessment no matter what comments I get below. I'm just curious to read what people say...

+ Social awkwardness: When I was a child (No idea how old), I remember being slightly disturbed one day when my cousin told me I was very hard to talk to. I would give a one/couple words response in a monotone voice just to answer her question and wouldn't do anything to carry on the conversation no matter how hard she tried. My cousins noticed other things when they talked to me. One cousin would ask me "What's up?" and I would respond "the sky". He would say that's wrong, I should talk about how my day was and I would still respond "the sky" because I didn't understand how "What's up?" = "How was your day?" In fact, my cousins eventually decided that they should do everything they can to teach me how to interact with people since they thought I wouldn't be able to make it in the world if they didn't so I suppose I should be grateful to them, if not for the constant nagging every time I contact them. "You are supposed to ask how the other person is doing if you haven't met them for a long time!" "Your email to the family was phrased too politely" "It's 'food comma' not soporific". That last comment was from Christmas last year, so these life lessons are still ongoing but at least I can semi-carry on a conversation now. Ever since my cousin made that comment many years ago, I've been working hard just to find things to say to make conversations last longer. I think I've sufficiently mastered that and I am now working on things like word filtering, making my speaking sound more fluent (Not sounding like a robot), trying to say the right things, etc. I am noticeably horrible with small talk. I can manage a few exchanges back and forth (I remember responses to common topics like the weather, how's your day?, etc.), but I eventually run out of things to talk about, and then there's the awkward silence... I can go on and on, not understanding jokes, taking the literal meaning for words... It sounds really bad written all out but I swear I can do a pretty good impression of normal to pass as shy and weird but not "Needs help right now!"

+ Obsessions: Plants, dinosaurs, seashells, fossils, rocks and gemstones, 1000+ piece jigsaw puzzles, the band Savage Garden, anime and manga (current). All of this started when I was in kindergarten and has continued on pretty much seamlessly ever since. I'm 27 now so that should give some indication of how long this has been. These are only the big ones too. I have a few short obsessions once in a while and then revert to one of the bigger ones after a few months (I'm feeling that Aspergers is one of these short obsessions). To give you an idea of how deep these obsessions get... My cousin always makes comments about how he would bring my sister and me to the park. My sister would run around in the grass and play while I would immediately start studying the plants. I amassed books on my obsessions and read them over and over again if I didn't have new material. I gathered extensive collections for these things considering I was still in elementary school (I spent >$80 at a shell shop once using all my Christmas money and more, which is a lot of money for a 10 year old. My mom was so mad...). I definitely got the "little professor" label when it came to seashells, fossils, and rocks because I knew EVERYTHING about them... Childhood memories...

+ Physical clumsiness: I have always been uncoordinated. I was absolutely horrid in sports and got picked on for it (The team I was on would apparently automatically lose just because I was on it). I at some point just refused to take part in any sports whatsoever despite the gym teacher begging me. I trip on the flat ground or over my own feet. I drop things all the time. I have bad posture and apparently walk funny. I have trouble writing (the pen and paper type) and as a result take horrible notes in class. Some of my teachers threatened to not grade my essays unless I write better (To which I would reply that I'm writing the best I can).

+ Strict adherence to routines: When I started talking to my cube-mate that I might have Aspergers, she noticed this about me the very first day she started working there. I apparently set things in very distinct places and my order of do this, then that, and then that is noticeably rigid. How she noticed this on the first day, can't say but she's very observant of people... My family has long suspected that I have OCD and I've gotten yelled at every morning and every time I take a shower because of it. I take one hour showers and always have ever since I started showering myself, and it's not like I do a lot of things. Shampoo and soap the body and that's it. I also do everything I can to make my process as efficient and quick as possible since I always got yelled at, to no avail. Does this fit under strict adherence to routines? I think I have a pretty rigid weekly schedule too since I always feel that I'm too busy to do something (Like visit a friend) when I'm not really doing much... I also tend to snap at people if my routine is disturbed. One big one is not watching anime right after dinner with my roommate (My roommate also likes anime). If she had a project to do, needed to be out, etc. I would get into an uncontrollable fit of rage. Wow, this really sounds crazy when I write it all out... Yeah, I use time with my obsessions as a reward for getting everything done for the day so I would always look forward to those precious hours watching anime and having that snatched away would make me really upset... It's a wonder she's still my roommate 9 yrs later and no we're not married She goes out of her way to warn me now if something's going to happen that might break my routine so I can prepare myself...

This is why I didn't want to post this on the internet. I must sound like a massive weirdo now (Thank the powers that be for internet anonymity)... I'll continue this strange story later...

sounds aspie-ish. here's a brief test based on the criteria docs use: www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php

there are plusses and minuses to an official diagnosis. i'm happy without one, but you may find a benefit of accommodations or other.

Weirdo? You're gonna have to do better than that to be considered a weirdo around here. So far I think you've only scored average or typical here in the Aspie world. Welcome aboard. Hang around. Find out how normal you are amongst us.

____________
Some people think I'm mad. But I'm naturally mad. I don't use any chemicals. - Monty Python

Wow thanks... Now I'm wondering what weird looks like around here, or would "normal" be weird?

I decided to resurrect this thread since I've been seeing my psychologist for a few sessions now and I feel like we're not really going anywhere...

+ Empathy: I cannot feel the emotions that others feel and am unable to comfort them, even if they are crying in front of me. In order to pass as normal and not look unfeeling, I sometimes need to pretend I am saddened by what's going on around me. However, I feel I am a bad pretender. I not very sure how to form my face to really show sympathy and sometimes I feel that the other person deserves more than my pretend facial expressions and half-hearted attempts at comforting them so I just say, "I'm sorry but I'm not really sure what to say," so at least I can provide honestly in exchange for their real sharing of their vulnerabilities with me. I'm not the only one who thinks this too. My roommate of 8 yrs told me recently that I am her best friend in every way except that she can't get emotional support from me.

+ Relationships: I have never had a significant other in my life and I'm not sure if I want one. I'm not sure if this is caused by possible ASD, but I do think I'm not asexual. That's something I'm trying to figure out. I have 2 friends and I find it extremely difficult to make new friends. In order for me to make a new friend, I need to be forced into interacting with this new person long enough for me to acknowledge that's it's a good investment of my time to interact with them. There have been exceptions to this but these people demonstrated what I saw as exceptional weirdness, goodness, etc. to earn my respect so I initiated interactions with them so that I could be their friend. I realize that this is not a good way to live so I normally force myself to interact with people so I appear sociable but just enough because I rather do my own thing... The two friends I have are my roommate who was assigned to be my roommate in college and my cube-mate who was assigned to stay in my cube at work. I also am not very good at maintaining relationships because I need to continually interact with this new friend in order to keep wanting to interact with them. After about 1-2 months of not interacting with them, I loose interest. I really don't like how this happens because normally they still think I'm their friend so I need to pretend that nothing's changed. It's also not that I feel I'm a higher being deserving of special treatment and only having special friends. It just happens and I would really like it if it wasn't this way.

+ I occasionally offend people and I don't always understand why what I'm doing is offensive: I have lost friends over the years because I would do something that they found offensive and then they don't want to have anything to do with me. Sometimes in the middle of me talking to them, they would get really mad and just leave. This happens less often than when I was little, but it still happens. Just recently, my roommate wasn't talking to me for days so I thought she was depressed (She suffers from depression). When I confronted her about it, it turned out she was mad at me because she told me something she saw as her business and then I told my friend at work about it. I then reported back to her what my friend thought about it and my feelings based on what my friend at work thought. I didn't really understand why what she was telling was "her business" so I thought it would be OK if I share it. I still don't understand, but anyway that's an example...

Sorry about another long post... My psychologist told me in a previous session that I have ASD and then most recently, he said that he thinks anxiety is more my problem than ASD but that doesn't really feel right to me. I try to take a passive role during our sessions because he's the professional and I don't want to dominate the sessions with what I think but maybe I'm being too passive or not explaining myself well enough? Any thoughts?

*Wondering why no one's responding*

Recently, at the age of 41, I went and got myself diagnosed. I had a lot of advice about what to do and what not to do (usually after a session where I did everything I was told not to do). I had spent some time learning about ASDs after the diagnosis of me ex's child, and her subsequent self-diagnosis, the speculations about peers "on the spectrum" etc. By the time I got to my neuro psychologist, I was pretty much a self-taught expert on ASDs. Everything you have outlined sounds like ASD stuff to me.

I can't advise you on your relationship with your professional, but I was honest and verbose with mine. I prepared for the assessment by identifying my life-long problems and autistic traits, and writing them out on a list (I was afraid my verbal skills under pressure would undermine me). I also had the hurdle of psychiatric misdiagnoses, which I was able to refute successfully. At the end of the second session, my psyche decided to interview my parents for my pre-drug history.

I did have to argue my points with the psyche sometimes... especially regarding verbal problems, social problems, motor coordination, alienation, emotional regulation, sensory issues etc

Nevertheless she was excellent and I felt like I could trust her. Still, I was afraid she would disagree with me, diagnose me with something else, in which case I would have been prepared to get a second opinion. Imagine my relief, when at the start of the third session, she diagnosed me with mild to moderate HFA. Anxiety was one of my severe traits, and it is possibly one of the more obvious and difficult things I have to live with.

I think it is very important that you are honest and outspoken with your professional. This person is YOUR employee, after all. If you are having trust issues, perhaps you could seek out another professional. I wish you well, you sound very much like an intelligent and self-aware autist to me.