Multiple personas

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I've often noticed that I behave differently around different groups of people. Not as in following different rules at a black tie affair than I would at a dodgeball game, but as in being, in essence, a different person.

I tended for many years to sort of 'ride a circuit' among several different groups of people - the thespians, the barflies, the goths, the pagans, the SCA... I would spend a few months at a time in one or the other circles, then move on to the next. None of the people ever knew where I went, only that I'd disappear for months at a time only to reappear as if nothing had happened.

In each group I got on. Not well, but I could pass as - if not a member - at least a tolerated appendage.

I notice too in my work life that I'm a different person in the office and out of it.

I remember when I was younger being referred to as 'an empathic chameleon,' because I seemed to take on the mood of whoever was around.

I'm beginning to think that, rather than ever fully developing a personality of my own, I've just allowed myself to mirror what those around me are doing. Rather than fully grasping social interaction and reacting to it appropriately, I just learned to take on the mood of the group. When the strain of acting one particular part got to be too much, I'd move on to the next role.

Has anyone else noticed this about themselves? I'd never really thought about it until recently. I became horribly depressed - it felt as though I was existing in a fog as every thought and movement was an effort - and was put on Zoloft. I feel now as if I'm seeing things clearly for the first time in perhaps decades. Looking back on my life has been an eye-opening exercise.

Your post is well written and and full of detail and I know I can not offer a reply to the same standard.

However I feel the same way I feel like a different person when talking to different people.

I find I'm like that too. I can be quite flexible depending on who I'm around, by flexible I mean adaptable to that person's personality type. Sometimes I even speak like them.

If I am with a serious person, I act serious with them too. If I am with a silly, mischievous type of person, I can act silly and just laugh with them, and I won't look down upon them or be a goodie-goodie or anything like that.

There are two teenage girls at work, and they aren't friendly with each other. One's serious, likes to do everything properly, and would comment if she caught you doing something that's against the rules (like stealing a sweet from one of the rooms), and doesn't really engage in banter. And the other one is ''silly'', very slapdash, doesn't care if she gets into trouble, and would break rules like stealing a sweet from one of the rooms or secretly text on her phone during worktime, and if she caught you doing it she would like you more and would laugh or join in. When I'm with the first girl, I go all serious with her and I try to make her think that I'm a serious person too. But when I'm with the second girl, I am ''silly'' like her, and try to show that I don't care (as in not get anxious about things). I can change just like that.

However, I sometimes go even shyer when I am talking to a true extrovert who has extremely high social standards and can seem a bit snobby or judgemental - even if they are nice.

A recent social psychology lecture suggests that changing personas when you change environments is normal, and a trait of those who are highly aware of their own behavior and prone to monitoring it closely. People do it to larger or smaller degrees; it is natural for neurotypicals to be aware of others' behavior, and to either conform to it or deliberately differ from it in order to reinforce their own identities.

Not changing personas at all tends to be an autistic trait, though some autistics do change personas--especially the ones who are over-empathic rather than oblivious, but not so extremely empathic that they simply shut down. But if you shut down in order to avoid being flooded, or if you just don't get enough information from others to be able to monitor yourself, or if you can't multi-task monitoring yourself and planning your actions--then you probably don't change personas much. People may perceive it as refreshingly honest or annoyingly blunt, but it's not something you can help.

I am one of the oblivious ones, so I don't change my persona much at all from group to group. I have learned to use casual language to communicate with peers, but now it ends up in my scientific discussions with professors too, and I still use jargon in casual conversations. The only real difference in my behavior from group to group is that I try to keep myself from using strong language around people who would be offended; usually anyone over the age of forty and anyone I know from church. I sometimes wonder whether it was worth learning to use expletives, since it adds an extra layer of complexity to communicating with people who do not like them.

I have one persona: Weirdo.

I don't think I have much of that ability/skill. I think it's natural for anyone to change their behavior depending on who is around. It's just a matter of degree. Some do more of that than others.

I'm not capable of talking casually with my peers. All people around me, including those that are supposed to be close to me, seem to be a bit scared of me because I'm too serious. I don't want to be like that but I don't know how to change that.

Interesting. I'm not sure it applies, since the suggestion is that it's something done consciously, and it is most assuredly not something I do consciously, but it's interesting. I'd be interested to know more about this lecture. Is there a link?

I think most people have the ability to change personas, but they also have a default persona. I often don't feel like I have much of a default persona. Sometimes I look in the mirror and get confused because I have a reflection, when I often think of myself as having no face, because my life is from the first-person perspective, and not from the third-person perspective, like the way other people see me. I can fill this void of identity with any persona I choose. I feel kind of like a shape-shifter, on the inside.

I act differently with some people than i do with others. I don't think this an aspie thing it's just a NT thing that we over anaylse and think it's special lol. But yeh, i do it. When i completely shut down, my dark angry side can come out sometimes.