"I want to be quiet now."

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I have a problem... a minor one, but still.

When I'm with people, I feel driven to talk. It's expected of me, so I do it. The trouble is, it's exhausting. When I get home after an hour-long meeting, I usually collapse onto my bed and sleep--even though I might have had eight hours of sleep the previous night.

I've been playing games online with some friends recently. (Minecraft, if you must know; it's wonderful, like an infinite Lego set). The thing is, they keep chatting on the microphone, and have been prodding me to talk more. But I'm usually already tired, because it's evening and I've used up my brain space for the day.

The thing is, I want to explain to them somehow that when I don't talk, it's not personal. I really just want to do things together. Language is tough, and by the time I'm tired enough, it's like forcing the words out is physically painful.

This wouldn't be so hard if it weren't that these people are fairly nerdy and have been rejected so often that they may very well interpret this as an excuse instead of an actual, real reason--that I want to be there and do things, but that chatting is not something I'm capable of right then, not without it being quite unpleasant. To make things worse, a couple of them are evidently rather lonely and *want* to talk; and of course they're all guys and I come in with an obviously female voice... I've told them I'm asexual, but still, I'm a girl on the Internet. Or at least they figure I'm a girl. I'm more androgynous and I wish they'd stop pushing me into the girl box. One of them even recommended to me that I should have a more feminine skin for my avatar... I picked an androgynous model with short hair, so sue me.

I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to have to leave the game. I just want to play quietly, listen and relax. How do I make them realize that I am not being rude or ignoring them, that I really just don't have enough energy to talk?

I would like to watch this thread as I can have similar difficulties myself when it comes to explaining to people that I don't wish to talk right now and it's not because I don't like them or because I am depressed, I am just too tired to force or make conversation and would like to quietly play my game (or indulge whatever activity I am indulging) without having to chitty chat please.

Also I can get frustrated with expectations that men on the internet (and in general) appear to have of females. Ok in my avatar my hair is done as I had just gotten back from the hairdresser (had to go a previous dresser had butchered my hair) but most of the time I don't wear make up and keep my hair tied back. I dress casually and comfortably. You won't find me in ridiculous shoes and although I am not asexual, personality wise I do not consider myself to be either male or female. My personality is just that, a personality, it does not really have a sex even if my body does.

Men seem to expect me to always look like my photo. Um...not likely to happen, sorry to disappoint them.

I know this is not quite what you asked, but when I am in situations like this I employ a strategy that allows me to talk a lot less than everyone else.

Basically, I see the conversation as like a fire burning. While it is burning fiercely away, I just sit back, relax and let everyone talk. At this point, they probably do not even notice I am not participating.

When I notice the "fire" is starting to get low, I drop some well placed "coal" on the conversation. I ask a question that I know a particular person is dying to talk about, and low and behold the fire starts up again and I can again sit back and shut my mouth.

If you manage perfect this technique, then it looks like you are engaged with other people without having to do very much conversational work at all. You are just chucking in a well placed question or comment here and there.

Its a sort of conversational quality vs quantity, and its worth trying if you're not too exhausted for it. It works best with very chatty people, with quieter people it is not so effective.

I know how you feel. I game with my friends and sometimes, they just flood me with words and I feel like I can't respond. We use G+ so...

I used to always lock myself in my room and ask for peace.

Won't really work for the OP, but for people out in public:

Verbal Communication Reserves

have you tried saying: Sorry guys, really have to concentrate to play, can't chat at the same time.

I always have to say stuff like that and then joke that I am not really female because I can't 'do stuff' and talk at the same time like most females can.

Another trick is to not take the conversation in. Every now and then say something bland like "yeah, me too" or "totally" or whatever and if anyone asks you anything directly answer after a long delay and with nondescript stuff like I don't know/haven't thought about it/ things are kind of busy atm, can you hang on pls etc.

Callista,

I don't know how to explain it. I don't even talk in voice chat because I find it virtually impossible to participate at all. I usually just tell people I don't have a microphone (which is true now - I did have headphones with a microphone, but accidentally tore the cord with a sudden movement). Of course if you want to talk sometimes, that's not really a solution.

I sympathize, though. That's frustrating.

Minecraft does not require voice commands.

Also, playing Minecraft with other people does not require voice communication. It also has an in-game chat interface.

Also, one can do a lot more solo than just grind.