Not having alot to say to my girlfriend

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fibonaccispiral777
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30 Oct 2013, 2:05 pm

At the moment I have a severe obsession with not having enough to say anyway but at the moment it seems as if me and my girlfriend are not speaking as much. We have discussed almost everything from music to politics to conspiracy theories, however it seems as if we have discussed so much there is nothing left to speak about. I still love her and being around her but I just wonder whether or not it is something to be worried about? :oops:



Salkin
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30 Oct 2013, 2:36 pm

I don't think it's a cause for concern. Maybe if it persists for a long time it might be an indicator that you don't have that much in common, but everyone runs dry now and then. You can always test the waters with whatever your current obsession is (maybe not if that obsession is having nothing to talk about, mind you).



fibonaccispiral777
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30 Oct 2013, 3:02 pm

How long would you say until it becomes a cause for concern? It feels like it has been a week now.



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30 Oct 2013, 5:12 pm

I feel like reaching this point is inevidable.
It has happened to me a lot, and I suppose the best thing to do is to try something new (that rimed, so it's true).
Try getting into a new interest together, something the both of you know nothing about, and that's exiting for you and her, a project.
You've discussed the past, now create new memories together;
Or, well... of course you don't always need to talk. I personally prefer silence over unnecessary words, but it's quite scary if you can't tell whether or not the other person feels the same, or is bothered by the silence.

Sorry, not the most usefull advise; but try not to worry too much about it.
It can't possibly be a bad thing to have someone you can discuss everything with :)



yellowtamarin
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30 Oct 2013, 5:24 pm

How long have you been together?

I think it is a lot easier in the beginning to pull conversations out of a hat, because you are getting to know each other and finding out each other's views and opinions. After a while, you get through all of the main topics and have a good understanding of the other person. If you've gotten that far and are still enjoying each other's company, that's a really good thing!

So, what do you do next? I think it becomes less about thinking up topic to talk about, and more about commenting on the things you come across. So rather than pulling a topic out of nowhere, talk about whatever you are doing or experiencing at the time. If you have just gone to see a movie, talk about that. If you are out bushwalking, talk about the creatures and other awesome things you see. If you are lounging around at home, maybe there's no need to talk. Watch tv together or go have sex. If you are relaxed enough around each other, talking shouldn't be as high a priority as it once was, IMO.



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30 Oct 2013, 5:29 pm

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:
At the moment I have a severe obsession with not having enough to say anyway but at the moment it seems as if me and my girlfriend are not speaking as much. We have discussed almost everything from music to politics to conspiracy theories, however it seems as if we have discussed so much there is nothing left to speak about. I still love her and being around her but I just wonder whether or not it is something to be worried about? :oops:

That's how it always ends. NT women need communication and it doesn't really matter what it's about.



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30 Oct 2013, 5:49 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
So, what do you do next? I think it becomes less about thinking up topic to talk about, and more about commenting on the things you come across. So rather than pulling a topic out of nowhere, talk about whatever you are doing or experiencing at the time. If you have just gone to see a movie, talk about that. If you are out bushwalking, talk about the creatures and other awesome things you see. If you are lounging around at home, maybe there's no need to talk. Watch tv together or go have sex. If you are relaxed enough around each other, talking shouldn't be as high a priority as it once was, IMO.


This ^
It's pretty much what works for me. Still having good conversation with my beloved wife 35 years after we met. And also very good times being together without talking. It's OK to just be together.

It's also good advice not to worry. But maybe tell her that you do worry and to please let you know if there is ever something she would like to talk about that you are not discussing.



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30 Oct 2013, 6:21 pm

fibonaccispiral777 wrote:
At the moment I have a severe obsession with not having enough to say anyway but at the moment it seems as if me and my girlfriend are not speaking as much. We have discussed almost everything from music to politics to conspiracy theories, however it seems as if we have discussed so much there is nothing left to speak about. I still love her and being around her but I just wonder whether or not it is something to be worried about? :oops:

This is no big deal, don't be worried about it. Like ColdHand said it's going to be pretty much inevitable.
The reason not to worry? Find other things to do with her during the conversationally dry spells.

Games, not psycho brain games, I mean like play some cards, teach her a new game or have her teach you a new game.
Console video games, even Mario Cart Wii is a lot of fun for hours with people you like. Then you can talk about what to make for lunch. Or how you think who or what car combo works best.
MMOs online that you can both play together in the same group is kickass fun, then you'll have all kinds of things to talk about, raids, equipment, classes, tactics, blah blah blah.

They say "The family that plays together stays together," and while you may not be a in a family way yet, having a girlfriend is generally a precursor to that state, right?

Plus some singer once said, "Girls just wanna have fun."


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fibonaccispiral777
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31 Oct 2013, 5:43 am

AspE wrote:
fibonaccispiral777 wrote:
At the moment I have a severe obsession with not having enough to say anyway but at the moment it seems as if me and my girlfriend are not speaking as much. We have discussed almost everything from music to politics to conspiracy theories, however it seems as if we have discussed so much there is nothing left to speak about. I still love her and being around her but I just wonder whether or not it is something to be worried about? :oops:

That's how it always ends. NT women need communication and it doesn't really matter what it's about.


What do you mean, that is always how it ends? :?



fibonaccispiral777
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31 Oct 2013, 5:49 am

Adamantium wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
So, what do you do next? I think it becomes less about thinking up topic to talk about, and more about commenting on the things you come across. So rather than pulling a topic out of nowhere, talk about whatever you are doing or experiencing at the time. If you have just gone to see a movie, talk about that. If you are out bushwalking, talk about the creatures and other awesome things you see. If you are lounging around at home, maybe there's no need to talk. Watch tv together or go have sex. If you are relaxed enough around each other, talking shouldn't be as high a priority as it once was, IMO.


This ^
It's pretty much what works for me. Still having good conversation with my beloved wife 35 years after we met. And also very good times being together without talking. It's OK to just be together.

It's also good advice not to worry. But maybe tell her that you do worry and to please let you know if there is ever something she would like to talk about that you are not discussing.


Yea, I suppose you are right, it is about enjoying and relishing the times we have together in which we are not speaking and appreciating each other presence. As someone said, I suppose it is inevitable that we do not have as much to say to each other because we now know each other so well, inside, out. There is a quote in pulp fiction where she says- 'You know you have found the one when you can just shut the f**k up'. I suppose a lot of people feel the need to constantly chatter because they are insecure and seek the validation of people and thus when you have found someone with whom you feel truly comfortable and at ease, you can bathe in the silence. Thanl you for the responses guys, you've helped :) I must say, 35 years! Wow, that is absolutely outstanding! Congratulations! That is probably the longest I have heard two people have been together for! :) I know this question may seem rude( I do not mean it to be though), have you ever found it slightly difficult being with her and constantly finding new and interesting ways to approach the relationship or have you always found it naturally interesting?



Codyrules37
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31 Oct 2013, 8:40 am

then don't. Just give her her space. You don't have to be with her every second of your life.

You're like many aspie dudes not knowing what to say. It sucks. The only advice I can give is don't worry what you say, learn to be more confortorable



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31 Oct 2013, 9:11 am

I'm never that much of a conversationalist, but my husband has never minded. The important thing is that he's a good listener when I do speak up. Some people look for excitement and to be entertained and titilated with a relationship, but that's rarely maintained long term.
Sharing activities together, and staying involved with individual interests is very good advice. :)