Antisocial vs not being very good at being social?

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firemonkey
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12 Jan 2018, 11:20 pm

I wonder how many of us are seen as being antisocial when the issue is more a difficulty in knowing how to, or a fear/aversion to socially engaging with others?
Is there a tendency for some people to conflate sociopathy with ASD/Asperger's/Autism?



ladyelaine
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12 Jan 2018, 11:34 pm

People have said that I'm anti social before. I'm not anti social. I have difficulty making friends because I don't trust people.



firemonkey
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12 Jan 2018, 11:45 pm

I struggle to trust people too. A chronic legacy of being bullied and socially rejected as a teenager for being physically awkward and socially awkward/gauche .



naturalplastic
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13 Jan 2018, 1:11 am

A lot of semantic issues here.

Folks at a party will say to you "don't be antisocial!" when they mean "don't be a wallflower" or don't be standoffish.

But when you hear a policeman on TV use the word "antisocial" the word means "criminal", or "a threat to society". Not the same thing. And that's the actual meaning of the phrase of "antisocial" . It doesn't just mean "you don't sociaiize". It means a "threat to society" (criminal, sociopath, like that).

The word for what you're talking about is "asocial".

And the dichotomy you're talking about is "asocial vs socially inept" ( is a person a hermit who chooses not to socialized, or is the person eager to socialize but to inept to do it right, and therefore afraid to socialize?).



firemonkey
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13 Jan 2018, 1:34 am

naturalplastic wrote:
A lot of semantic issues here.

Folks at a party will say to you "don't be antisocial!" when they mean "don't be a wallflower" or don't be standoffish.

But when you hear a policeman on TV use the word "antisocial" the word means "criminal", or "a threat to society". Not the same thing. And that's the actual meaning of the phrase of "antisocial" . It doesn't just mean "you don't sociaiize". It means a "threat to society" (criminal, sociopath, like that).

The word for what you're talking about is "asocial".

And the dichotomy you're talking about is "asocial vs socially inept" ( is a person a hermit who chooses not to socialized, or is the person eager to socialize but to inept to do it right, and therefore afraid to socialize?).



I know the difference between asocial or antisocial . My point is do some people conflate the two with regards to ASD?

As for being asocial vs socially inept -surely it is possible to be both? I am both not driven to socialise and also anxious/nervous when I'm put in the position to socialise because I'm quite socially inept.
I can see that it is possible too to be asocial and yet socially skilled.



naturalplastic
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13 Jan 2018, 2:22 am

That's why I posted that. To make sure you knew the difference, and to make sure we are all on the same page about whats being talked about.

But being asocial can be a cause being socially inept, and vise versa.



firemonkey
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13 Jan 2018, 2:34 am

naturalplastic wrote:
That's why I posted that. To make sure you knew the difference, and to make sure we are all on the same page about whats being talked about.

But being asocial can be a cause being socially inept, and vise versa.


Fair enough. You make reasonable points.

I guess I'm too asocial to make a big effort to improve on my social ineptness.



xatrix26
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13 Jan 2018, 4:12 am

Tolerating NTs is my primary issue with making friends because they have so many irritating aspects. If they don't pronounce words correctly or if they don't ask me the right questions or if they start to bully me, these are just a few of the many things that I simply can't tolerate with NTs so I suppose I should classify myself as anti-social.

Now if I came across the right NT, and that's literally one in a thousand, then I can start to develop a friendship but the mathematical odds of this happening is like winning the lottery. And when I do finally find someone that I like being around something drastic happens like they move away or our schedules radically change or something crazy happens to destroy the friendship.

I gave up years ago trying to make friends because the likelihood of me finding someone to tolerate and them sticking around long enough to develop a friendship is like being struck by lightning and winning the lottery all in the same millisecond for me.


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13 Jan 2018, 9:40 pm

firemonkey wrote:
I know the difference between asocial or antisocial . My point is do some people conflate the two with regards to ASD?

Thanks for clarifying. My initial thought was "you mean asocial, not antisocial".

I think people in general conflate the two, period. I keep seeing it used wrong.

And I'm sure there are some who see being asocial as being so weird they see it as psychopathic or otherwise wrong.

firemonkey wrote:
As for being asocial vs socially inept -surely it is possible to be both?
Of course it is.
My reason for not socializing is that I am highly asocial. That's my nature, I have never been any different,
That doesn't stop me from also being somewhat socially inept. That's the AS.


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