Unbelievable P.S. to "An Interesting P.S."

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, gang. Remember my neighbor whom I told you about in March and in the message below from August? The one whom I told I have AS because her nephew has it? And who denied AS is autism and told me my hypersensitivity was "all in my mind?" I've been avoiding her like the plague and we haven't even seen each other in about two months. She would sometimes email me and ask if I'd like to go grocery shopping with her and I would say no, even though I did need a ride.

Well, today I thought enough time had gone by so that the difficult conversations we'd had about AS were long forgotten. So when she emailed me again today and asked if I'd like to ride into town with her to do some errands, I said yes. I needed some groceries and the weather was really lousy. I thought it'd be "safe" to do this.

We drove into town and I made very careful, non-personal conversation with her. Then when we were on the way back, she said the following: "I've been meaning to tell you that I saw a link to an article on Facebook about how Americans are infatuated with labeling certain mental problems, calling them ADHD, dyslexia and Asperger's, but in Europe most people think those aren't really disorders of the brain, but the result of conditioning."

After nearly a year she's still trying to convince me my condition isn't neurological. I was so stunned I didn't know what to say. I changed the subject. We arrived back at our apartment building and I went upstairs.

From now on if I need groceries I don't care if there is a tornado, a cyclone, a snowstorm and a hurricane all raging at the same time. I will go out and walk to the store. I will never, never get into a car with this woman again. I was naive to think enough time had gone by and that it was OK to be with her. What she said is so insensitive and so cruel I don't know what to say.

-- higgie

What was cruel about what she said?

I have a sister who thinks all mental illness is just laziness. two other sisters, a nephew, and I all have mental illness. we do stuff with the bigoted sister. we just consider the ill-informed source and don't let her bother us.

you did well to change the subject. no need to punish yourself by not getting rides. just don't take her seriously.

Maybe she has AS and is bad at interpersonal skills?

I think you're right to steer clear of her in the future. She is not being insensitive. She's being passive aggressive, i.e. socially acceptably hostile. She knows what she's doing and saying. Don't expose yourself to her poison anymore. You deserve support, not denial of who you are.

But her position has always been that my problems are self-inflicted and "all in my mind." And when she mentioned the European attitudes, it sounded like she was trying to prove that supposition. That's what I found insensitive.

Could be!! !

Good idea. Thank you very much.

Technically it *is* originating from your mind.


I have found that the people in my life who are most insistent on disagreeing with a diagnosis are often actually trying to show they care about me/my family. When I realized that, I just let it all go. I work on making certain *I* agree with the diagnosis and then if other people don't agree, it's their problem.

I wouldn't want to be around that person either. Having them be dismissive of your diagnosis and saying "it's all in your head" is to me like saying that you are a big lying faker and just need to get over it. They need to just stfu and mind their own business.