Aspergers vs. Avoidant/Dependent Personality Disorders

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I'm curious if anyone with Aspergers has been diagnosed with Avoidant or Dependent personality disorders. Honestly I think I qualify for both Avoidant and Dependent if that's even possible.

Dependent (WHO),
It is characterized by at least 3 of the following:

encouraging or allowing others to make most of one's important life decisions;
subordination of one's own needs to those of others on whom one is dependent, and undue compliance with their wishes;
unwillingness to make even reasonable demands on the people one depends on;
feeling uncomfortable or helpless when alone, because of exaggerated fears of inability to care for oneself;
preoccupation with fears of being abandoned by a person with whom one has a close relationship, and of being left to care for oneself;
limited capacity to make everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others.
Associated features may include perceiving oneself as helpless, incompetent, and lacking stamina. Includes:
asthenic, inadequate, passive, and self-defeating personality (disorder)


Avoidant (WHO),

persistent and pervasive feelings of tension and apprehension;
belief that one is socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others;
excessive preoccupation with being criticized or rejected in social situations;
unwillingness to become involved with people unless certain of being liked;
restrictions in lifestyle because of need to have physical security;
avoidance of social or occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact because of fear of criticism, disapproval, or rejection.
Associated features may include hypersensitivity to rejection and criticism.
It is a requirement of ICD-10 that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfy a set of general personality disorder criteria.

The book I'm reading suggests that the DSM or ISV is not followed religeously by clinical psychologists used to make the diagnosis. It's apparently like a jigsaw where you must have the corner/side pieces and some stuff in the middle but not the whole jigsaw. I can't quote the exact words but that's from "The complete guide to Aspergers syndrome" by Tony Attwood. May not be specific to you I don't know, but I would guess if something is similar then those symptoms/criteria can fit into aspergers.

mental health professionals purport to be neutral, but calling something a "personality disorder" is not neutral.

I kind of prefer the Myers-Briggs approach where there are 16 personality types, or preferred style of living, and no one of them is the majority.

I like the approach of psychology, Hey, have you considered this, and maybe deciding to step outside my comfort zone, and I like the approach of medium step, feedback, medium step, feedback . . . but I don't see why I need to adopt a negative label to do this.

And I wish more therapy snd counseling took the approach, play to strength, be matter-of-fact about any deficiencies.

I believe I have avoidant personality disorder, but not dependent personality disorder.

All these you listed describe me exactly. But this and social phobia are actually affecting my life and making life hell possibly more than the Asperger's itself.

I get this an awful lot, over a lot of different things, things what most other people wouldn't even think of worrying about. This can make me feel isolated at times.


I do feel like I am hit by the social double standards a lot of the time, like I always have fault no matter what situation it is, while others get away with being jerks (if they rightfully were being jerks, and yes I can be the jerk sometimes but not all the time). Also I go out of my way a lot to fit in and appear approachable, but I find the more I work hard the less good results I get. ''Smile'' is always the key and is what I'm always told will solve my social problems, but in my case it doesn't. I often smile to people but they either glare at me or turn away, so I suppose I've got to work on my smiles, although I'm not quite sure what I'm doing wrong.


I fear rejection an awful lot, which is why I am hesitant to become too involved with people. Also I hate being criticised, in which I tend to isolate myself from people who have a strong habit of criticising people like me (or anyone), and become all panicky when I find myself in the same room as them, which doesn't make me hate them it's not that kind of emotion.


I feel like this a lot, and I worry that people don't like me because I'm too quiet or they might think I'm snobby, unfriendly or strange because of being quiet.


I do feel I need more guidance than the average person of my age, and emotional stability encouraged by others. I don't know about physical security.


I tend to avoid going out to places like bars. I feel there aren't many introverts at those sorts of places and so I feel like a fish out of water. No matter how relaxed and sociable I make myself be, I still think there's a certain nervousness about me that makes others think there is something a bit standoffish about me what I don't quite know what to about. All these uncontrollable vibes I give off do make me become a hermit from certain places, and I'm mostly a hermit at night. I'd much rather be tucked up in bed watching a film on week-end nights than to be somewhere like a noisy rowdy bar with lots of youngsters making me feel compelled to dance, drink, dress up and socialise. And I'm afraid to get out of my depth with alcohol because I'm scared of losing my self-control and being ridiculed about it all over facebook the next day.


Yes I am very hypersensitive to rejection and criticism.

It is a requirement of ICD-10 that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfy a set of general personality disorder criteria.

Also if I have a fear that turns into an anxiety, or an anxiety that turns into a fear, and becomes molded into my mind, it's hard for me to reverse this awful feeling. I then start to avoid those situations that cause me panic attacks, and if I do happen to come into one of those situations I find that facing this fear/anxiety doesn't free me from the feeling, it in fact feeds it. So it's like my fears and anxieties are unfixable and will only go when they are ready, like colds. You can keep a cold from getting worse or prolonged by trying all these home remedies but you can't make it go completely on cue, they usually just go on their own.

I only meet one trait for DPD (unwillingness to make even reasonable demands on people one depends on) and one for AvPD (restrictions in lifestyle because of need to have physical security).

The personality disorders I really have traits from are paranoid, schizoid and schizotypal (exept the social anxiety part).
I avoid social contact because of boredom, not social anxiety.
In fact, if a person is not boring, I might get along with him/her quite well.
All my friends are interesting people. None of them is boring.
I don't fear being criticized and don't care about praise, criticism or rejection.
And I'm not passive and I don't like people making my decisions instead of myself.

I definitely have a lot of avoidant traits, but not dependent ones.

hmm...not surprised Avoidant goes here, but now wondering about the dependent. I honestly have every single dependent trait at varying degrees. Making decisions on my own is near impossible, unless it is something that only affects me. But at work? Forget about it. I go to my boss/coworkers for every little decision either looking for an okay or a no, I think this would be better another way, and I nearly always (say 90%) go with their decision.

I have read a bit on AvPD and that fits me really well. I would meet almost all criteria. This is nothing I have pursued getting a diagnosis of but I'm aware of that I most likely have it.

I have not always had it but developed after I'd been diagnosed AS. I started thinking it would be impossible to like someone with AS and that no one would like me. Yet I was liked before. I had also been a bit rejected as a child in a way and that could be a cause of AvPD it seems.

Like Joe90 I try very hard to be normal and do everything right and fit in, but it is to no avail. And I have problems telling people anything about me. I have had such problems with being judged that I at some points couldn't take tests in school. I'm highly self-conscious, I fear rejection and have trouble opening up. I am a mystery to everyone around me and manage not to make any social bonds,the few times I have it doesn't work out. Even though I am fairly high performing I do feel inferior to NT (I'm sorry to say).

Once I thought this was natural to AS. Then I realised the others didn't have these problems.

<--- Autistic
<--- AvPD
<--- History of depression

I meet most of the criteria for avoidant personality disorder.

I avoid and procrastinate on so many important things to the point where it's affecting my life in very negative ways.

I try really hard to fit in and appear approachable. Like a couple of weeks ago I was at the hospital to talk to my therapist, and in the waiting room sit a girl. Obviously not NT, though I could not be sure she was aspie. (looked like aspie to me) After my appointment I saw her at the bus, and sort of walked up to her. Everyone (therepist) says I just should try to talk to people. And she just got really nervous and fiddled with her stuff and looked out of the windows. So I sat on the seat across the isle and she just fiddled and looked out the windows the whole ride. Like it is bad if a girl from the disability center at hospital won't even look at you. And I try to smile and look perfectly normal. I'm being told I just have to speak to people, like it is the easiest thing in the world. They all can't understand why I can't and don't. But I can't. It seems so impossible. (Now I know I must sound really bad and be horrible and badly dressed and ugly and overweight, but I'm just not.)

i realize that must have been hard, but you don't know what she's going through. She may have severe issues talking to people or men in general. So don't take it personally That's one thing I have to try to remind myself of too b/c I always think every slight is because of me when in fact most of the time it's about the other person.

Oh, I know she is probably having difficulties with some things (like social or anxiety) or going through something difficult, and had just come from meeting a therapist, occupational therapist or similar. So I'm not taking it personal like that. I know it's not necessarily something with me. Anyway, outside of school no one ever talks to me really if it's not a professional thing. And I have to remind myself of the same thing.

I recognize bits of both disorders in myself, but i think this is a natural result of the experiences I have had as an autistic person. When you are punished socially for things you cannot perceive, it's natural to be anxious. When you find people who can help you navigate the social maze, it's natural to depend on them. I know I have. I think this is rational adaptive behavior rather than a disorder.

Maybe she was shy. I know I hate it when people say that but if she was fiddling with her bag or whatever she had she was probably nervous, so it's not anything to do with being unfriendly to you and you weren't doing anything wrong.

I am a shy Aspie girl, but I do actually speak to anyone who bothers to speak to me. It's my natural instinct to. But smiling or speaking to people and them not speaking back does knock me back if they are just being unfriendly or shallow. Especially when I'm with other people and we pass a stranger who speaks, but never look at me even though I'm looking at them and smiling.

And I know an introverted woman with possible Aspie traits who stares at people and smiles due to a nervous thing, but it always socially attracts them and they smile and speak to her. So when I try to ask forums like WP why people ignore me it's always ''maybe you stare too much and look nervous''. Then how come this Aspie-ish woman gets all the credit then? Even my mum says she has a funny posture and looks nervous. I don't have an odd posture and I wear stylish clothes and always look presentable.