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My name is Aaron this is my first post on wrong planet and i also just joined today... i have looked on blogs from this site through google search about different topics but basically i am 25 and my autism has never been worse.. amazingly i have a pretty normal life, wife and kids, job, house, cars, but its like i am just playing the role of what i know i should do and am really very very lost in this world. i use to think i was normal and i was no aspie even tho i have had diagnosis since i was like 6 years old or something.. I joined this site today tho because i am really struggling these days and i think maybe talking to other aspies will help... Its like i am all alone in this world and no one understands me nor do i understand them.... i do things that brings people to tears and i sit there thinking "what have i done" and people say "u act like ur dumb and dont get it but ur plain old evil and mean" and idk guess i am rambling like a psych session now but yeah that is about it...????

I spent DECADES thinking there was no one like me. After my diagnosis I started to realize that there's a whole herd of people like me.

Somehow, that was very comforting.

As well, this forum and others have allowed me to see that there's a whole lot of people out there that can relate and have some pretty decent advice and views. Even as apsies we're all individuals but it's great to hear others have had to deal with the same issues as I have and can help me out.

Welcome to the community! Enjoy

thanks egghead lol i train MMA with an aspie and i do enjoy the time its like the only time i can relate and speak my mind.... I use to hide my aspergers and i do praise it more but feel like i kind of blame stuff on it now too tho idk... I would never wanna be normal but more wish i could be left alone and just be alone...

So sorry to hear about how you are feeling. Things will get better I have been in your place (for other reasons) but the pain was/is just as real. But then just when I feel like I can't take anymore God gives me the strength I need to go on. I think you will find comfort in the people on this forum BUT..... I have found that sometimes God allows me to find no comfort in people because then I have no one else to rely on except him.

Just curious......Do the people who say these things to you know you have Asperger's?

not alot of people know because i seem so normal, but i kind of always know what to say and do but its more like a play than real life if that makes sense.. I also have a wife who is 33 and she has alot of anger and she gets mad at me for things i really cant help and i tell her its my aspergers and she says i use it as an excuse and i am lying cause i didnt have all these problems before and i always felt safe with my wife and kids but i feel very alone in this world like never before and i seem to question myself, like do i really feel or do i just think i do... i get confused in my own thoughts and just feel like i am losing my mind...

I go thru phases that seem a bit tougher than normal but in time things get better - life seems to give you what you need when you need it.

I do need my personal time and my wife is great about it. We've been married 22 years.

Some days I wake up feeling very aspie and let my inner Sheldon hang out. Most find it funny, maybe they're just laughing at me - but hey I made some people laugh.

Other days I work harder at "pretending to be normal". There's a really good video on Vimeo about what that's like for a lady on the autism spectrum who lives in Portland. On the Vimeo website it's vdeo #33768649. Check it out.

Take care

I feel like that a lot and I don't have Aspergers but I do have ADHD which is similar in many ways. Maybe you and your wife can try counseling. She probably needs support too.

Do you feel like you are losing your mind bc you are overwhelmed with the kids etc. (too much stimulation)? You mentioned needing to be alone. If that's the case the you should see if maybe you can go away for a we by yourself or maybe you and your wife can go somewhere quiet and you can sneak away by yourself at times while you are there.

Does your wife know a lot about Aspergers? If not, maybe she can find people going through the same thing. That book Look Me in the Eye is really good or Pretending to be Normal or maybe you guys could watch Temple Grandins movie together.

I think just being on here and talking to people about how you feel will help too.

Life is a big theater for me. Stepping out into the world for me is a live stage performance. I am always worrying about blowing my lines. and knowing very will that a blown line could result in the loss of a friend or a business deal.



NT just can't relate to how AS affect us. To them, they can't tell the difference between AS and most common bad behavior.



There is a reason in show business why they say "you save the best for last" and why "Sprinters don't run marathons.". You leave the starting line at full throttle and you will burn yourself out long before you can finish the race. The moral of what I am trying to say is. Be careful when you put on a your first impression. although first impressions are important and should be there best. Be careful not to raise the bar too high. especially if you are expected to jump over it repeatedly.



Your wife and kids are NT. you are an aspie. there going to be that disconnect.

I'm sorry to hear you've had that experience--people telling all that stuff to your face. I've never experienced it, but I've gotten some weird looks. I think a lot of us go through our everyday lives and think that no one understands us and that we can't connect with people--and then we come here. It helps give validation to our experiences. Still, that feeling you have out in the real world can be pretty overwhelming, especially if you try to compare yourself to other people--it just doesn't work, because of our wiring. Hopefully you can use your interactions on this site in order to grow and understand.

Just wanted to say thanks to all for comments it does help alot

I wonder if there's any therapists in your local area who are familiar with autism in adults and could maybe offer your day-to-day advice/help on how to navigate your life better. I ditto the couples counseling suggestion above, although I would try to get a counselor who likewise has some experience with autism (which may be a bit of a challenge to find).

Welcome to the board.

I would look at that bouncer job of yours. A trait of autism is sensitivity disorders to light sound and touch and a bar has plenty of those and a bouncer has to touch people. That can put a real lot of stress on you. Another trait of autism is having unintended effects on other people as you described. A bouncer needs to have a mean streak. You may be carrying it over into your non work life without realizing it.

Good luck