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Joe90
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29 Dec 2010, 2:23 pm

I know this thread is over 2 years old, but I've found exactly what I've been looking for, and I've been wanting to ask a couple of questions on this type of AS topic.

How can one be socially immature? What does it mean to be socially immature?
Does it mean we can treat people in a childish way or something? Help me out here.


I know I am emotionally immature. I get mood swings, and can sit there and not smile and just grunt a mumble like a 14 year old (more like a 14 year old boy!) Or I run to my bedroom slamming the door when I'm angry, like a 12 year old, or I sulk and mope. But doing this is my only way to help get my emotions across, otherwise if I express them like a normal NT, it might not be clear enough and then I might not get as understood. When I act like a kid when it comes to emotions, people will think, ''oh dear, better keep out of her way, or better reassure her''.


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EternalSunshine
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11 Jan 2011, 9:10 pm

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I think you need to distinguish carefully between emotional/social maturity and degree of sophistication. I think it's fair to say autistic people are likely to be socially naive and inexperienced for their ages, but that's not the same as the cognitive developmental levels researchers have described for emotional, social and moral maturity (e.g. Kohlberg, Selman, Fowler).



In my teens, I attended a special ed high school specifically intended for people with autism and Asperger's. From what I recall... many of the kids there were EXTREMELY immature on the emotional, moral and social spectrum (in addition to being socially naive and inexperienced).



For example, there was this rule saying that nobody was allowed to bring food inside the classrooms. One time, I was eating a donut right before one of my classes and one girl shrieked, "I'm telling on you!" I kid you not, this girl was in the 10th grade. That type of childish behavior was prevalent throughout the school... a lot of the kids there talked and behaved like they about 8 years old.



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12 Jan 2011, 3:22 am

Social awkwardness can lead to very difficult situations, cause emotional harm. The more years that go by, the more bad experiences you can have, so it can get worse.
I say this as an undiagnosed aspie who has been told it was PTSD, depression, ocd, a traumatic childhood etc etc.
For those of you diagnosed correctly early in life, I hope that you accept who your are and go with what you have going for yourself. I tried too many times to tough things out, find the right man, job, state, church, etc, when in fact, I am just different.
It feels so good to type that.



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12 Jan 2011, 4:23 am

Emotionally I'm between the ages 6-12. Not in naivety though. I'm 25. I've experienced the world.
To others I appear to have very low social maturity. I usually keep quiet and when I do speak words don't come out right and I impulsively may say something that may get taken the wrong way. But I see the way I socialise like that of a child. Children don't have conversations with each other. I'm like that. I talk about what interests me and don't like getting too deep about it.


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Ai_Ling
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12 Jan 2011, 4:38 am

My maturity varies depending on what. Intellectually, Im at my age, I can take on responsibilities of someone my age, Im 22

Emotionally Im very much like a teen, around 16 or so.

Socially Im not quite sure what level Im at. Probably around 13, 14.



Lexilore
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20 Sep 2011, 10:24 pm

I wish I personally knew an adult or even a teenager on the spectrum because I find myself wondering through our reality with no idea what our future looks like. I vividly remember my sixth grade year because it was one of the worst years of my life. I was quite different from my classmates (in a way that differs from my son) and this seemed to be the year that it began to make a difference. For this reason, I worry about my son's emotional/ social maturity. He cries... like a baby... at the drop of a hat. He has emotional breakdowns if the teachers threaten to call me when he is misbehaving. He whines and argues in a fashion that reminds me of my terrible two year old. My husband and I have tried everything to discourage these behaviors but seem to be getting nowhere. I'd love to hear from someone that perhaps struggled with these types of challenges on how I might be able to help him make some sort of break through.



marshall
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21 Sep 2011, 11:07 am

Zonder wrote:
marshall wrote:
I have trouble understanding what emotional maturity really means.

I’m often not on as even a keel as NTs emotionally. Disappointments and frustrations always hit me much harder than they do other people. I don’t often feel like my emotions are a matter of free-will either. It seems there is a limit to how much one can learn in this respect. It’s more a matter of temperament with me. What does it mean to control your own emotions? I honestly don't know. I can really only control my response to my emotions, not the emotions themselves. Is this considered immature?

On the other hand I’ve never been immature in terms of being foolhardy or impulsive. Even in my teens I was always very cautious and always thought out all the ramifications of any action I took. I sometimes felt like I was the only mature person my age. I never saw the point in some of the silly rebellious behavior of my peers.


I'd say that controlling your response to emotions is what maturity is all about. Children often respond to their emotions with reckless abandon - that is emotional immaturity. I was hardly ever impulsive or foolhardy, but, I was/am somewhat emotionally immature in that I didn't (and in some significant ways still don't) respond to emotions in a typical adult way. Part of that is just how my emotions are - they can become blocked the more I am stressed. Also, the more you have the ability to practice emotional and social interactions with others, the more natural or "mature" they can become. Sometimes the immaturity is partly a lack of experience and practice.

Z


However it seems like having more extreme negative emotions gets me slapped with the "immature" label. Especially since men are supposed to be emotionally impermeable. :roll: In all honesty, if I respond to negative emotions like frustration with reckless abandon, it's not that I am exaggerating my response. Frustration and anger to me can feel like I'm being thrown into the flames where I don't have control but to reel and writhe from the torment. I don't see how any amount of "sophistication" can change this without some way of altering my brain chemistry and/or synoptic configuration. My problem is I simply feel too much emotion and it sucks. Seems I'm more on the "borderline" spectrum than alexithymia, though I probably have a touch of the latter.



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21 Sep 2011, 12:43 pm

I have the social and emotional maturity of an oversexed teenager from the 1960s who has a mad crush on The Kinks.


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Tadzio
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21 Sep 2011, 7:34 pm

Social and Emotional Maturity With Autism?

I like my Marketing Professor's explanation using "Madison Avenue" (now known more as Madmen, but they leave out most of the Watson part):

In the 1950's, social maturity meant the person smoked a brand of health benefiting cigarettes, while being emotionally mature enough not to cry when the pack became empty, even if that meant they would have to "walk a mile" for another cigarette.

Now, social maturity means eating a high-fiber candy bar (or "Health Bar") to improve the overall health of society, and emotional maturity means they don't complain about the crappy taste (having, or not having, emotional maturity about crying over not having a candy bar is now a political question by which party is more patriotic, in the dog/bone campaign).

With the "Marlboro Man", people with autism notice the horse more than the hardscrabble "mature" pretty-boy cowboy.

I don't smoke, nor eat healthy candy bars, and I've noticed that maturity is just adults in denial of being players in the "Lord of the Flies".

Tadzio



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21 Sep 2011, 8:32 pm

For Lexilore:

He does sound emotionally immature for eleven, but do just wait a bit before you get too frantic. It's a touchy age. I wish I were more help, but I raised an NT girl, and girls are supposed to be always about three years more mature than boys of the same age, anyway. He's acting less mature than she did at 8, though.

I _am_ "on the spectrum", with Asperger's, but I don't remember being that much different from my classmates in elementary school, just kind of weird.



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22 Sep 2011, 2:30 am

I think most aspies are socially/emotionally immature for there age. It varies hugely from person to person. It also varies hugely if that gap every closes. Every aspie is different. For me Im 22 almost 23 and I have the emotional maturity of maybe 17 yr old, social maturity of a 15 yr old and I physically look like Im 17, 18 yrs old. So when people first meet me, if I never tell them my education or age, they'll probably think Im 17.



kenna
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27 Dec 2013, 5:57 pm

Tadzio wrote:
Social and Emotional Maturity With Autism?

I like my Marketing Professor's explanation using "Madison Avenue" (now known more as Madmen, but they leave out most of the Watson part):

In the 1950's, social maturity meant the person smoked a brand of health benefiting cigarettes, while being emotionally mature enough not to cry when the pack became empty, even if that meant they would have to "walk a mile" for another cigarette.

Now, social maturity means eating a high-fiber candy bar (or "Health Bar") to improve the overall health of society, and emotional maturity means they don't complain about the crappy taste (having, or not having, emotional maturity about crying over not having a candy bar is now a political question by which party is more patriotic, in the dog/bone campaign).

With the "Marlboro Man", people with autism notice the horse more than the hardscrabble "mature" pretty-boy cowboy.

I don't smoke, nor eat healthy candy bars, and I've noticed that maturity is just adults in denial of being players in the "Lord of the Flies".

Tadzio


i was wondering what consitutes maturity..... is it being miserable... dishonest about loneliness or what have a career for 28 years still i am clalled kid..... i have no clue why but if being unhappy all the time is grown up they can keep it



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28 Dec 2013, 12:31 pm

I know those two have a gap for me, lower emotional maturity.


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28 Dec 2013, 12:39 pm

I am devoted to eternal adolescence in the emotional/Social department.


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28 Dec 2013, 12:47 pm

I don't know.


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Marybird
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28 Dec 2013, 2:41 pm

I have low social and emotional maturity.
I never understood the importance of socializing, never paid attention to it, and don't know how to relate to people, so I feel like a child.