Male friend that I think may have Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

I have a male friend that I think may have Aspergers, but now I wonder if he is Bi-Polar or ? I need information. Please help.

[Moved from Getting to know each other to General Autism Discussion]

First of all, why do you feel the need to find out? Should I assume that your friend is having problems big enough to make you want to help him? I suggest that you don't go behind his back too much. It will be best to ask him straight out if he has ever been evaluated, if he has any current diagnoses, and if he's ever considered either of those diagnostic categories as relating to himself. Be honest that you are thinking about this stuff in relation to him. You can frame this discussion either around that you are concerned about him or that you are simply curious - whichever is most accurate. You might find that he has thought about this stuff himself, and, in any case, it will be easier to find out more if he's a part of the process.

You should know a person can have both Aspergers and Bi-polar Disorder. They are not mutually exclusive. However, if the symptoms overlap a lot and one diagnosis better explains them than the other, the doctor will be more likely to focus on the "bigger" and more encompassing diagnosis when determining the best methods to help the patient. (Like, a person with autism might have *some* symptoms of OCD, ADD, and an anxiety disorder; but if these symptoms are relatively mild in and of themselves, and are explained by the autism itself, the doctor might choose to give just the label of autism rather than piling the person with four diagnosis. It's whatever will help them the most.)

A quick way to know if someone does NOT have Aspergers, or any other autism spectrum disorder, is if their symptoms only started later in life. Aspergers is only diagnosed if the symptoms were present in early childhood (generally understood as sometime before age seven, at least). Most children display symptoms by preschool. No matter the person's current age, a diagnosis requires an in-depth evaluation of the person's entire developmental history.

For a starting point, you should read up on both these things a little bit. Look for things that don't seem to fit and things that do. It all depends on how well you know this friend, though. What do you know about their childhood? How do they act in a variety of situations? And remember, trying to evaluate someone else is kind of futile, because you aren't in their head and you aren't trained. The best you can do is suggest what you think might be a possibility and encourage him to see a doctor (or at least start reading up on things by himself).

Your first place to look should be Wikipedia. Next, read some personal accounts on here of people who have one or both of these diagnosis and see if you think it relates to him.

I have to agree that this should only be a strong concern for you if you feel like your friend needs help, or if you need help understanding him. Wikipedia is a terrific resource on both of these topics: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

I think that some giveaways would be sensory sensitivity or impairment (is he unusually sensitive to bright light? this is a common one) and not picking up on social cues, or periods that involve obvious signs of mania/hypomania such as not sleeping, and being unusually energetic (in general, not just about an interest). I don't think depression is a good indicator as it can go either way. Having both conditions is also very possible, but difficult to determine.

As for approaching your friend about it, I think one of the better ways is to ask "have you ever known somebody with (Asperger's or bipoloar)," and have an explanation for why you are asking. You could say you have a friend or relative who you think has said condition are wondering how you could help them. If they have either condition and know it, you will likely get a feel for whether or not they are comfortable talking about it in relation to themselves. A person I dated figured out I had Asperger's long before I did, and used this approach. I had some powerful misconceptions about the condition, and she decided she was fine knowing I had it while I remained oblivious. Honestly, it would have helped me to know, but in the context it really would not have been appropriate to raise her suspicion. I never figured out what she really was asking until years later, when I had done some research on the topic.

I know someone who is very much both, and I know that if I ever mentioned my suspicion, they would not respond well at all. All I can do is be a good friend and be there for them, regardless of whether or not they associate with a label. Be careful and ask yourself if you really need to know.

Do you have trouble putting yourself in other peoples shoes?

Do you have trouble being aware of how people will react if you say certain things?

do you have trouble reading non-verbal communication such as facial expressions and body language?

do you have trouble with self-independent skills such and doing things on your own?

Is it hard for you to feel the emotions of other people or do you have trouble empathizing with other people?

Do you feel like it's hard for you to understand unwritten social rules?

Is it hard for you tell when someone is lying or being sarcastic?




If you answered yes to most of these, there is a chance you have Aspergers.

That's good advice.



I wouldn't recommend using the "I have a friend/relative" deception trick. I mean, sure, it could be a great way to open up the subject without the friend feeling that he's been exposed and put on the spot, and, like PowderHound says, it would let you get a feel for how he chooses to respond. However, if you aren't good at deception and hiding your own intentions, and if you also aren't so good at reading other people, why risk losing your friend's trust? Even if it's uncomfortable and might even make him upset, being honest from the start is probably the best choice. If this person is really your friend, it will be all right. (Your profile says you aren't sure if you yourself have Aspergers or not... which means you might not be as good at complex social situations as PowderHound's ex was.)

I don't know why mental health in general remains such a taboo topic. PowderHound, I think your girlfriend should have spoken her mind, why do you think it wouldn't have been appropriate? You were dating. I guess the "powerful misconceptions" you had could have been a big part of it, so maybe she was in the right for feeling it out first and deciding not to pursue the subject. I wish people didn't have such misconceptions. Whenever I tell people about having Aspergers, it often seems like they tiptoe around the subject after. They never bring it up first in later conversations, and I think they try too hard to watch what they say. I wish they would realize that the reason I told them was because I wanted to discuss it and have it in the open - but I think they just don't know how to handle it. It's only going to remain a misunderstood and taboo topic until people start talking about it more openly.

I think that my misconceptions about Asperger's were a major part of the reason why she did not tell me. I had an upbringing that really taught me that Asperger's and mental illness are unacceptable and are reasons to feel shame. This created a great emotional insecurity for me because on some level I knew I was different, and it took a long time for me to deal with it. Ironically, however, the people who taught me this way of thinking were in denial of both their own mental illnesses and having Asperger's. Denial is a powerful thing.

The stigmas that go along with neurological conditions and mental illness are often worse than the conditions themselves, and it really is terrible. I worry that people suffering from untreated mental illness and emotional problems would be even more vulnerable to the hurtful stigmas. That is really my only concern--that someone would respond in a catastrophic way. My response would not have been that bad, but I know someone who I would have to keep on a suicide watch if they found out about having both Asperger's and bipolar at the same time. They very much fit the description of having "God Syndrome" as described by Tony Attwood, as well as having delusions of grandeur at times. I don't think most people would respond this way, but the risk is there, at least for aggressive denial. I think the mention of bipolar just made me extra cautious.

Ironically, I appreciated the indirect approach to asking. It didn't even occur to me that some people would find it offensive, or that the OP wouldn't be able to pull it off. That gives me something to think about if I ever find myself in the same situation.

Even with your comprehensive 25-word dissertation, it's hard to tell. Perhaps you could provide us with more information?

Is the OP asking a question?
I don't understand this thread... where did the OP go?

Exactly 25 words. I went and counted.

I was about to say the same thing.

I just talked to a fellow today and I pegged him for an Aspie, and in the course of our conversation he mentioned that he was.

Frankly, I think it's not too hard after observing a person for a little bit if he/she has Aspergers. There's just an awkwardness about us, and a look in our eyes, and a lag between what we say and what our faces do, and there is a particular intelligence that isn't typical.

I'm sorry if this seems offensive, but I've noticed it in myself and in others.

That's not offensive at all. I notice it too. I look for it all the time now. I've observed a number of people that if I had to bet they were, they would be - especially at university. Some are probably more obvious than others though. I think telling the girls is harder sometimes, as far as I've heard. But I've seen documentaries that have aspies on them, male and female, and I always knew before they mentioned it.

There is something in the expression (lack of expression, but also the kinds of expressions they make), the posture, the voice, the fashion... ha ha. I think there are even trends in things like body types, facial structure, all that. I like to look for those things and have a bunch of stuff in my memory to compare people to.

But I guess you have to have some kind of "prototype" to work from, and the more you read, see, and know, the better you will be at telling. I can find people who remind me of myself, and then people who remind me of other aspies, and so on.

For every stereotype there are people who don't fit though - at least not just by observing them once.

You have aspergers mixed up with pychopathy, watch this video and please don't repeat this mistake again. I find it offensive. As an asperger, you tend to be on the recieving end of psychopathic behavior:
nXcU8x_xK18 <Utube link

As someone who does lack empathy, but who, unlike a psychopath, is capable of sympathy, compassion and is in possession of a conscience, I find it offensive to be confused with a psychopath. The fact that I'm not subject to emotional contagion doesn't make me uncaring and exploitative. Please don't make this mistake again.