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Thanks to all that responded.

Last edited by angelbear on 29 Oct 2013, 4:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't see that your son wanting to be that other boy has anything to do with sexual orientation.

It is not more likely that he sees qualities in that other boy that he admires? He would like to be like that boy?

When my son was about 6 years old he said he wanted a new middle name - the middle name he wanted was the name of another boy in his class. Thinking about that now in the context of what your son said, maybe it's a similar thing. He admired that other boy, and wanted to be more like him. That other boy was popular and had many friends.

I'm asexual. I knew when I was about six that I didn't want to get married. When I found out about sex it was by reading my mom's medical textbooks, and it always seemed like something I just wasn't interested in.

Yeah, it's possible for an eight-year-old to know he likes boys instead of (or in addition to) girls. I wouldn't say absolutely that he's gay, though--it's entirely possible that it's hero worship or a platonic crush. You know how sometimes when you meet someone and you think they're awesome, and you want to hang out together, without ever wanting to date them? That happens, too. For me, as an asexual person, that's the only kind of crush I ever have.

Autism does make us less likely to absorb the gender and sexual norms from the people around us, and so we might be more aware of and more open about a non-hetero orientation. On the other hand, like NTs, most autistics are straight.

But, well--the kid's eight years old. He's not gotten into puberty yet. You've got a little while before he starts dating for real instead of just experiencing puppy love. Maybe he likes boys, maybe he likes girls; maybe he doesn't know yet.

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Last edited by angelbear on 29 Oct 2013, 4:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by angelbear on 29 Oct 2013, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This would be best placed in the LGBT section, I think.

I knew when I was much younger than that. I was very sure, however at that age I didn't necessarily describe things in the same way that adults would have (despite my rather large vocabulary).

I would not take anything he says too literally as even though we Aspies tend to speak in literal terms, a child might not have the necessary vocabulary in regard to sexual orientation to do so. The words he could be searching for might be ones he has yet to be exposed to because of his age. He is likely still working out what his own feelings are and how to describe them using the terms he is aware of. It might take a while for him to figure out which words best describe the feelings he has and if they fit comfortably before he can frame them in a way you will feel assured of, one way or the other.

Having said that, I wouldn't tell his father if I were you - Simply because that's his decision to make when he is ready (possibly as an adult), not yours. It's not a parenting decision, per se. It's not your job to come out for him, if he does grow up to be gay or bi, not even to your husband. It's your job to love and support him regardless and it looks like you're already doing that well.

Last edited by ChameleonKeys on 28 Oct 2013, 9:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you Chameleon Keys for your very valuable input.....

I'm 31 years old & gay. I knew I was attracted to other guys vs. girls from my earliest school memories at ~5 years old. I didn't say anything or act on this for many many years, but I knew. I knew but I didn't fully accept it for quite some time.. I just knew that I was "different," and didn't have the typical hetero attractions that were expected of me by society at large, so, I just kept my "difference," to myself for most of my life. In hindsight, I think I did the right thing for me at the time - remaining closeted - but in present day being gay is ever more socially acceptable and I think if a kid/teen is comfortable coming out that they should be made to feel comfortable being out, loved, accepted etc. It'll save them immeasurable amounts of anxiety/depression & needlessly expending mental energy in order to conceal their sexual orientation. I think if I were a kid today with today's acceptance levels (where I live, anyways) I think I'd live a much lower stress life being out and would consider it.

PS You say your son said he wanted to be that boy.. what about that says it's a sexual attraction? Perhaps he just idolizes the kid for some reason or another and literally wants to be him? Or was his telling you he "liked," someone at school definitely an attraction/crush thing?

Umm, like, duh!
Medical books would make Disneyland sound boring...

On the other hand I wasn't all that impressed with Disneyland, either... *shrug*

...sorry that just sounded real funny when I read that. =)

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Last edited by angelbear on 29 Oct 2013, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

At this point I would let it be. My opinion is that very few of us are "straight" and very few of us are "gay". Most of us lie somewhere in the middle.** He's a little kid. You don't know that he means he "like" likes this boy. Maybe he just means he wants the boy to be his friend and nothing more. Who knows? And even if he does mean it the same way a teenager (or adult) does, so what? It's not yet his identity. If he chooses to identify as gay, he'll know soon enough (or maybe later).

What you need to do is make sure he knows that whatever combination of romantic and sexual preferences he has, there's nothing wrong with it. He may not know who he is yet, but the most important thing you can do for him is let him know that it's okay to be whoever he is.

**I have strict definitions of gay, straight and bisexual. One is straight only if one has both sexual and romantic interest only in one's opposite sex. One is gay only if one has both sexual and romantic interest only in one's same sex. One is bisexual only if one has both sexual and romantic interest in both one's same and one's opposite sex.**

Are you sure that your son at eight years old even has a concept of sexual attraction?

Heh, well, eight-year-olds don't have a full-on sex drive like teens do, but they are starting to get giggly and talking about cooties at that age, teasing each other about kissing... you know. They're starting to get used to the idea that it exists.

I suppose so! But that's still how I think of it, at thirty years old--a physical instinct, a psychosocial phenomenon. I think of sex in a rather clinical way. Intimacy, to me, is knowing someone at a deep level, trusting them implicitly, spending time together, working together. That's true of couples who have sex, too, of course. But for me that's the really important thing about love--that long-term commitment and friendship. Sex just seems like a mechanical, biological concept. I know other people enjoy it, and I'm cool with that, but it's not my thing.

I'm bisexual and when I was around that age (8 - 9) I developed a crush on a girl in my class. I started having thoughts like, "I wish I were a boy so I could tell her I like her" and, "Is it OK for a girl to like another girl the way that a boy likes a girl?" I also tried to get her to play pretend games where I was the Nutcracker Prince and I had to save her from the Rat King (I only tried this once and she seemed weirded out by it.) Also, when we went on a field trip, I tried to stay very close to her and the whole time I thought of the song "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" from The Lion King. I didn't know that same-sex relationships were a thing and wasn't sure how my teacher or parents would react if they knew. I wisely assumed that they'd probably get upset with me and so I kept it a secret for many years.

Maybe it's just his first "man crush," ie he idolizes the "cool kid," (vs. celebrity or sports star etc for many men) and wants to be like him? I guess time will tell.

Bolded the bit that says exactly why you don't need any advice, approval, or validation from anyone else.

I "came out" when I was five.

"Mom! I'm gay! I'm gonna marry Alex!"

I'm straight-ish. I wouldn't think much of it at that age.