How To Teach Life Skills to Kids With Autism or Asperger's, by Jennifer McIlwe Myers. It's not really about how to connect for ASD parents or ASD kids. More about how to run your household to maximize learning and minimize stress (at the same time, sort of). Which will have the incidental effect of improving your relationship.
I do not take all of his advice (he's a little too "attachment" for me), but I like T. Berry Brazelton for general parenting books. I've heard a few other spectrumites say he worked out well for them. There is also a great one called "Kids: Day In and Day Out." It has nothing to do with autism-- it was written back in the 70s-- but it was written by parents, for parents and has more of the feel of a bull session than a finger-shaking do-as-I-say session.
1-2-3 Magic really cut down on the number of spankings I had to issue when my middle two were toddlers. It was humorous and straightforward-- things Aspie parents tend to like. It reminded me of my Dad's saying that kids and dogs have a lot in common-- and God knows my Dad was one ASD parent who was beloved by children. Pretty much all children. Particularly special-needs children.
Whatever you do, stay the hell away from glossy parenting magazines. Just my opinion, of course, but those things have caused me HUGE amounts of anxiety. I was much happier after I let my subscription to Parents expire. So was my kid (at that time I had only one; three kids later, I haven't resubscribed).
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"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"