Dissimulation

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Even though I'm apparently on the autism spectrum, I'm good at pretending to not be something I am. Like I've been pretty unhappy over the whole-not-getting-sex-reassignment-surgery thing, but I always come across to my mental health professionals as pleasant. Also, socially I pretty much always get along well at work, despite these issues. It's like I can just turn things on and off most of the time, only letting loose when I think it would not have much impact on me.

Maybe you don't show your emotions well? Honestly though, what you are describing sounds pretty darn normal to me. It's nearly impossible to function if you can't separate personal problems from your daily routine and all but the most personal social interactions (eg long-standing significant other). Being able to function and smile at coworkers in spite of personal problems is what keeps people from going on disability or being locked up.

Never try to fool or lie to your therapists or to yourself. They can not help you if you are not 100% honest with both them and yourself.


Personally I don't understand how anyone can plop down $100-200/hour and then turn off. That's your money you're lighting on fire there. (Is it your money? If not that could be part of what's enabling your misleading of therapist(s).)