Difficulties judging whether to trust someone?

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We always hear about networking and how important it is to getting ahead in life and work, etc. But when you lack those sharp neurotypical social instincts, it can make it bloody hard to judge whom to trust where strangers are concerned. So hard, that the safe thing is to just avoid people entirely and slog through life on your own.

Actually, that's a question I truly cannot figure out. How the heck do you know if you can trust a person whom you don't know? Say that someone tells you, "oh, you should talk to Jim, he works in your area and might have some helpful advice for you." If you do, maybe Jim will be pleased to meet you, hear you out and give you some advice. Or..... (and here's the problem)..... Jim might hear you out, act all friendly, and you leave thinking "great, he'll let me know in a day or two"... and meanwhile, Jim has just sized you up as a competitor to keep an eye on. Only you'd never know, because he was so smooth and polished in his insincerity - while you are naive, hopeful and trusting.

These days it is so competitive, that the second option probably happens more often than the first.

If you are on the spectrum, how do you handle taking chances on trusting people whom you don't know? It is so easy to be set up and realize it only after you have been duped. That is one of the worst parts of having AS in my opinion. Networking does not really work for me.

Networking doesn't work for me either.

But as for the trust issue, I tend to perceive strangers as more trustworthy if they come with the personal recommendation of someone I already trust. It's a sort of peer-review screening.

That doesn't mean you should jump in with both feet, but it does mean that they probably haven't behaved like a complete snake with your mutual acquaintance.

I generally trust no one anyway. It's either my avoidance at work (I have AvPD) or my autism at work, or both.

Juts today I had somebody flip on me. I posted an ad yesterday selling my guitars on Craigslist. I put the prices so low that people were calling left and right. By today, I had all those guitars sold. Somebody wrote me and asked what I had left. I told him none. He then proceeded to cuss me out and say he would be flagging my ad as spam! Arrgghh! Makes you want to pull your hair out. I really hate dealing with people that's why I initially didn't want to do the ad thing. Anyway, what's done is done.

I've become less trusting in my old age. I guess I'll always be that way.

Trust no one (including yourself).

trust everybody but cut the cards.

EDIT: nvm

Ho ho, I don't have difficulty deciding whether to trust someone or not. I just never trust anyone. I have already decided before I meet someone: I'm not going to trust them.

Good advice.

I think that trust is an issue for everybody, not just AS. We may be more susceptible to trusting inappropriately, and I think we may be less able to deal with betrayal. I think it comes under the banner of “inability to discern” which is common amongst AD, ADHD, etc. We tend to maintain a more straight forward perception, and a mentality of “Why would someone lie unless it was necessary.” Whereas most people maintain a view more like “Why would someone tell the truth unless it was necessary.” Which does leave us at a disadvantage.

I think that how to trust is something that we have to learn. That trust is something that must always be earned, it's never free. You only trust someone who has proven themselves trustworthy, and only to the degree that they have proven it. First you shared things of yourself that are not that big of a deal. If it proves that they can't be trusted then you don't share any more and just have small talk with that person (or just ignore them, which is my preferred method). If they can be trusted then share more until the limit they can be trusted. It's not a precise science, everyone gets bitten, but if it works more than not then it might be worth something to you.

Of course, you also could just decide that is all to much work. Humans are a bunch of neurotic rat bags and it's easier just to have nothing to do with them personally. That can also work.