What ''should'' I do when joining a bus stop?

Post Reply New Topic

I usually hate going to a bus stop when there are already other people waiting there (unless it's in a bus station or a busy street where there's always going to be people). I mean individual bus stops in quieter towns.

When I'm walking up to a bus stop where there's about 3 or 4 other people already standing, and I stop to join them, I never know what to do next. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong if I just stop in my tracks, turn around to face the road where the bus will be coming, and just stand there. I don't know why but something just doesn't feel right. I feel like a ''matter of fact'' type of thing. So usually when I join a bus stop, I start fiddling in my bag and pull out my phone, so that I can take my mind off myself and the others waiting there. But then why should I always have to look busy and be staring at my phone all the time to feel ''cool'', just because I'm young?

And don't advise me to say hi to them because I give off this inevitable standoffish vibe even if I make eye contact and smile, and normally people don't respond, which makes me feel awkward. I'm talking more about body language.
I was just wondering what others here do when joining a small group of people at places like bus stops. Do you become anxious, like you're the center of attention and don't quite know what to do?

I think I used to have that problem, but I simply decided that whatever I'm expected to do (if anything) is society's meaningless rule, not mine, so it's other people's problem if they're bothered by me being myself and not following it. I have no interest in chatting with or looking at the other people there. I don't like to be near strangers anyways, so I usually stand at a distance from the actual bus stop, don't sit on the bench, and so it's not easy for anyone to catch my eye or start up a conversation with me.

I used to do exactly that. I trained myself out of it years ago.

Now I can join a queue with ease, surrounding myself with a large "personal space" bubble.

I still have problems with unstructured queues, cos i don't understand the rules, if any.

Intellectually it is easy to appreciate that one is not the centre of attention, but it took decades before the neurotic heart of me was prepared to take this information on board.

I still have major problems if someone tries to talk to me...

I spend a lot of time at bus stops because I like riding some of the more rural/coastal bus routes in my area. I regularly ride the bus from where to live through to Sheringham and/or Cromer which requires my making one or two changes along the way and waiting for the next connection.

I may not always be aware of the people waiting at the bus stop as I tend to be preoccupied with my own thoughts most of the time. If I do notice them I just ignore them, grab my flask and pour myself a cup of coffee whilst I wait. On the other hand sometimes there are a lot of old people waiting at the stop. Those I tend to talk to. My mum was elderly (in her mid 40s when she had me) so I am very used to being around old biddies and like it when they tell me all about life in their day! I think old people are sweet...so I often chat to those or rather ask them questions and they chat to me.

Or I stand and listen to them chatting to each other...on one occasion I could not help but to notice a group of people that spent 20 minutes asking each other when the bus was due (it was clearly stated on the time table on display at the stop) and which then progressed onto a debate about the local price of cornish pasties.

Some of the subjects people witter on about...oh my!

I have seen people comment on the weather or ask what bus each other is waiting for, so sometimes I do that if I feel a need to speak but mostly I find that people don't really mind if you just stand there waiting for the bus to arrive and don't speak at all.

And of course there is always the fake smile, but do it quickly then look away or they lock eyes with you and start wanting to chitty chat!

Most of the time I mumble to myself under my breathe about the bus being late again though. I must stop doing that!

PS Try not to fret over it, at the end of the day you are there to catch a bus and are under no obligation to socially interact with anyone, other than to ask the bus driver for your ticket or show him your pass.

On the bus itself I carry a bag and place it on the seat next to me so no one else can sit there. This usually ensures that people don't chitty chat to me on the bus journey.

Whether people will chat with me or not doesn't always worry me. Actually I prefer it when they do because it makes the time go a bit quicker and it makes me feel quite dignified. But where I come from, people don't usually talk at bus stops if they don't know each other, unless one is extra friendly, or if there's just two of you standing there and one of you says something about the weather or asks something about the bus or whatever. But if there are more than just one other person standing there then generally people don't really say a lot, especially youngsters. I think I just feel awkward all the time, and approaching a bus stop when there's somebody standing there looking at me blankly just makes me feel anxious inside and I don't quite know what to do. When I see other people joining a bus stop, they always fiddle in their bags or pockets, and I always wonder if it's always necessary or if it's just something people do to avoid awkwardness of just going from walking to just standing. I think people feel they need to do something when stopping to wait for the bus, and I feel the same. After I've stood there for more than 5-7 seconds, I don't feel so awkward any more, and can stand and wait for the bus quite comfortably. It's just those first few seconds what always throw me.

I always used to put my bag on the other seat, but I have had two separate occasions where someone has manually picked up my bag and threw it on to my lap to sit down, without asking if they can sit there or anything. I personally found that rude, and also offensive, because I've never seen, or heard of, that happening to anyone else. And there were other seats available too, plus I wasn't sitting right at the front.
People don't normally chit chat to people they sit next to on the bus. Well, they sometimes do, but I don't see many people doing it, especially if an older person sits next to a youngster or whatever. Usually I see the more regular passengers chatting to other regular passengers, but otherwise most people don't say a word, and when other seats become available they usually get up and move. Well, when somebody sits next to me they never get up and move, even when the bus becomes half empty. And then they pull an annoyed face at me when I've got to get off at a stop and politely ask them to excuse me. I despair sometimes.

It's been so long since I was on public transport that I cannot relate to this particular problem, but I do know what you mean about getting that self-conscious feeling of thinking that everybody is staring at you, and not knowing how or where to stand. Normally when I am in situations like that I just try to stand behind everybody else, so that no one can see me. Then I know nobody can be staring at me at all.

Yeah, I do sometimes give myself a longer walk round the block so that I get to the bus stop from behind the people waiting, rather than coming towards the people waiting. Usually when people are waiting at a bus stop, they are usually concentrating on whichever way the bus will be coming from, so coming up from behind them is a little better. That gives me a chance to ''settle'' at the bus stop without feeling like the center of attention. The only thing I hate is when one of the people in front suddenly have a moment of looking around them (often people look up and around every few minutes whilst waiting for something), and then they see me in the corner of their eye and quickly swing their head right round to see me, as if to say ''where have you come from??'' And then the other people notice they have seen something and they turn around to look at me too, and I'm like ''here we go''. Usually when I notice somebody is about to turn their head towards me I look the other way, just pretending I'm just casually looking around like they are.

Stupid people.

OMG, I hate it so much when people do that. I would rather be completely ignored.

Ok you can call me stupid but I have to worry about my safety. As a general rule, I don't let anybody stand behind me without looking at them. I want them to know that I know that they are there. In fact, if I have a chance, I will stand with my back towards something -- a wall, the bus shelter, a sign.

If they look at you and you look away - it's really avoidant. It makes me think you are hiding something. If you know they are going to look at you, I'd make eye contact even for the briefest of instance. Just prepare yourself mentally like the way you do at the dentist when they are about to put the drill in your tooth. You know it's coming and you shouldn't really avoid it. I mean you can turn your head and not let the dentist drill but what is that really accomplish.

So in general I have some fear on public transportation, and when someone comes up behind me, I really do want to know who it is.

Personally, I don't mind when people look at me. Especially females. I feel a little awkward looking at females because I worry how they will feel (scared) if they think I am staring at them. I have a tendency to stand in front of ladies so they can easily keep an eye on me, but half facing away so I am not looking at them directly. Of course I want to check out their fashion style so after a little if there is some noise or movement in their direction or something in the environment that might be interesting, I will use that as an excuse to look their way for a second.

I often do some (often very slight) physical movement when waiting. If I notice people noticing, I will reduce it for a while and then resume it. I do a lot of different things. Play with my phone strap -- it a long semi firm handle and sometimes I will just bend it slightly to see how it bends back. Sometimes I adjust the zipper on my jacket (there is a string attached with a rubber grip that sometimes gets a little undone in the wash) - that too I can flick a little bit and it will spring back. I sometimes massage my hands or shoulders. Of course if I notice people noticing me, I reduce the movement and perhaps stop after a little bit. But I will resume it again later and usually people won't pay as much attention to it. That is my movement around ladies. Around men I do different things like stretch my arms in front of me like I am yawning. I tend to tense my arms and much as I can -- sort of flexing but they are out straight or straight and down.

If I am really anxious or there is no-one there I relate to, I usually just breathe. I slightly tense my arms and chest muscles when I breath in, and I tense my leg muscles (hamstrings especially help me really maintain a straight posture) when I breath out. I think no-one can really notice this much. I started doing this out of stress and then noticed that doing so changes the look on my face to be more positive. I do it now even if not stressed because I like the look it produces. It's much more positive than if I force a fake smile.

I don't ride the bus very often. But when I do I usually stand about 10 to 15 feet away from the bus stop or I pace up and down the sidewalk. I keep my eyes on the road, looking for the bus, and avoid making any eye contact with other people. If someone at the bus stop wants to talk to me, they have to be pretty loud about it, to even get my attention. If they go through that much trouble just to talk to me, I'll probably stop and talk to them. I figure they must really need somebody to talk to. If the conversation gets to be too much for me, I'll just walk away and start pacing up and down the sidewalk again.

I just wander up, sit down (if there's a seat available) or prop myself up against the outside of the bus-shelter, have a smoke and wait.

Sometime I get into chats with old people who are also waiting (it's always old people who start chatting to me -- I must have an approachable face or something). But more often I just kick my heels until the bus arrives. If there are a lot of people waiting in a clear queue, then I join it. Otherwise I position myself to the front of where I anticipate the boarding scrum will take place.

Oh and for the people who put their bag on the seat next to them, perhaps you ought to consider buying an additional ticket if you think your bag takes priority over another passenger?

You can always ask them to move their bag. I'm sure most of them will comply.

They probably thought you were just as rude for putting your bag on the seat in the first place. Putting your bag on the other seat to discourage some one from sitting there is probably OK. So long as you understand that that if someone wants to sit there, they have a right to, and you should move your bag for them. If they picked up your bag an threw it on your lap, you probably waited too long to move it.

The fact that there were other seats available, doesn't mean much either, if most or all of the other seats also had bags on them too. There is nothing worse then getting on a bus that is 50% capacity with everybody taking up two seats, and having to argue with somebody for a seat.

Throw a molotov at the bus.

I just stand there and play with my phone or smoke. The only time anyone has ever said anything to me was when a Down's guy asked me what time the bus was coming and got really pissy when I didn't hear him the first time.

If I don't have something to put on the other seat then I just sit in the outer seat. I doubt anyone would sit next to me anyway.