"Open" or "Closet" Aspie?

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Internet with annonymous identity-Open
With other Aspies-Open if the subject comes up and no NTs are present.
With NTs in real life or nonannonymous internet interaction-Closed. If someone asked I'd probably say that there's definitely similarities but one of the criteria is impairment significantly impacting an important aspect of life and at least at this point I don't fit that criteria. Basically I'd be saying "I'm doing fine, and the criteria says I have to be having problems to have this disorder, so I don't have it."

I have only told my few friends. I'm open to telling pretty much anyone but I dont think it's important to say directly.

I am increasingly open about my true likes and dislikes-- things I used to hide from people for fear of being too unusual.

interesting topic to be resurrected from the dead.

closed, except to immediate family and my therapist all of whom i told immediately, with no regrets. i should tell my current employer and my last one, as an explanation for my behavior is long overdue, but i'm finding i can't bring myself to.

i pondered this for quite some time before realizing the main reason i don't want to disclose to anyone is this: i don't expect many to know anything (accurate) about it, and i don't care to give them any ammunition with which to dismiss my experience of life as less valid than theirs. i wish i had a more optimistic outlook on it, but i don't.

I am open about my Asperger's. I am a school teacher and my students know because we do an optional brain type chart. I talk about Asperger's in my life during my music ministry. Many of my colleagues at school know. My family knows. And anytime a situation comes up about autism I usually mention it. It's not a secret with me.

Knowing how ignorant and spiteful people can be, I have learned not to mention
it. In my little time of being 'outed', people pull funny faces or make a point of
completely ignoring what I said and then completely ignoring me.

I don't like to give them the pleasure, unless it's someone I trust or there
would be a reason for it.

I have a mental picture of them picturing me as a young girl who is going
round telling all her friends "I'm a vegetarian", because she thinks it's 'big
and clever'.

Which is odd seeing as I am supposed to not see what other people are
picturing, but the problem is a lot of the time that I see only too well.
I see right through a lot of people. Further in than they can see themselves.
And I sense they sense this, and it threatens them.

All contradictory stuff I know. But we could all probably agree on the fact
that life is complicated. And people just make it more so...

Maybe because we see that, we try to make life simpler?

I don't know.

Being self-diagnosed (for the most part) I pretty much keep it to myself unless I'm discussing something where it is relevant.

Having no official diagnosis, I'm often put up against the firing squad when I mention it. There are plenty of people out there who are convinced that I make all this up just to get it easier.

And it's the fact that I'm undiagnosed that I'd say bothers me the most about it. I want to feel reassured that I'm not just making this up too.

I'm very closed about it.

My parents were the ones who first suggested that I might have it, before that I'd never heard of it.

I've told a total of three other people, two tried to persuade me that I was wrong and one said nothing about it. These experiences led me to never tell another person, not even my own brother.

Only a few people outside of my family know.

When I've told people that I have Chronic Fatigue syndrome they have at times been openly contemptuous. They were much kinder to me when they simply thought I was flaky and couldn't get my s**t together to show up for appointments etc. But when I said I had CFS they just scoffed at me and became angry. So my outlook on disclosing one's disabilities is very pessimistic as well.

So, no, I don't tell people I have AS, except for a few friends (one of whom doesn't believe me and thinks it's a fad diagnosis that everyone has these days). I haven;t told my family either. One of my reasons, besides the one described above, is that I have a fairly mild case in certain respects (though not in others) so I feel a little bit like the fraud that I worry I will be taken as being.

i do this too, and it's not the first time i've heard someone here describe something similar. i have (intellectual) insights on what motivates someone that are intense enough almost to be invasive, insights they don't want. but i miss the (to me, superficial) emotional stuff in their interactions, which to them is probably more relevant.

occasionally someone tells me years down the road i was right all along. but regardless i've learned to keep my mouth shut.

that's unfortunate and is an example of the sort of thing i mean, partly, but also i should clarify that i also meant this: some of my AS type qualities (the lack of respect for any bullsh*t, for example) are actually, difficult as they are when it comes to getting along in the world of people, the things i treasure most about myself. i wouldn't want anyone tossing that off as the product of a neurological disorder instead of an equally valid (but different) experience of the world.

clumsily stated but i'm sure you'll understand what i mean.

It's very interesting to me that you would say this. I think I have that kind of insight too, as to why people act they way they do and what their motivations are in terms of making power plays and manipulating others (though I generally see it clearly only in hindsight), and I was wondering if it wasn't ironic (as someone with AS) that I ended up co-writing a book, that was published, about how people interact in collectives and the abuses of power that can go on under the surface.

After the bad experience I had I learned it's best to keep my mouth shut too. Some have been highly critical of the book, but not to my face. I'm glad it's out there to speak for itself without me having to be personally confronted about it.



I think that's beautifully put. I hadn't thought about it like that. I do treasure those things about myself as well, but they have gotten me into so much trouble that I have come to doubt them as positive traits, but I think you are right that they are.

what's this book? it sounds like something i'd like to read.



in a way i refuse this world that doesn't suit me.
it may not really be such a good thing (in terms of practicality)

I'm generally closed about being AS, simply because I don't give off that image of one and I am often met with disbelief when people find out I have it. When my speaking and mentoring comes up in casual conversation, I usually say that I talk about my mentoring experiences and that I do it for volunteer work. The only time I reveal it is if I am asked the question directly: then, I am always honest.

I am also thinking about letting all of my future employers know in some way...as I have had bad days and meltdowns with all the jobs I have ever had. My AS isn't apparent if you get to know me for a few hours, but over a span of a few months, you will notice that I have a low frustration tolerance and a wandering mind. In each job I have revealed my AS or an "anxiety disorder" as the cause of these, buit I would rather explain ahead of time from now on just so I don't freak people out and that I get appropriate accomidations.

Open. If people have a problem with it that is their fault, not mine.