I have always been weak

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I keep reading about how strong people always keep silent about their pain, love with all their heart, and will happily martyr themselves. I've never been like that, and I notice that the intensity of my pain is such I could not bear to exercise such strength. I've always been one to scream and yell when in pain, and even to lash out at times.

I remember as a kid when my sister's friend began throwing rocks at me out of the blue. I went into meltdown mode, which got me into trouble. My dad explain to me afterward that it was me and not my sister's friend who would get into trouble, because of my bad reaction. My sister's friend would get off. My dad would explain recently that when my sister did things to hurt me she would get off because what she did sent me into meltdown mode, causing me to be the one to get in trouble.

I wonder if I'm just going to see this play out over and over.

I am hypersensitive, so I tend to feel pain intensely.

Over the years I have gotten better at putting up with it but, still intense pain drives me nuts. Bass music can make my ears sting and give me bad headaches. Other sensory triggers have strong affects on me and can be very painful. When I was young I had meltdowns from sensory issues. I still sometimes have to try to avoid meltdowns with sensory overloads from other peoples' regular activities when I am tired and can't just easily ride it out. Things like loud music, partying, hollering and bickering, cigarette smoke, strong cooking odors especially greasy stuff, paint fumes.

If I didn't have sensory issues it would be a whole lot easier to be tough.

are you talking about physical pain or emotional, or both?
i think we're more sensitive to both. i know i am. i had to get a blood test and tensed and made a bit deal out of it. i cant sit still when in pain. most aspies are super sensitive to pain, which doesnt make life any easier. and numb to some other types of pain. like i barely felt it when my head bounced off the sidewalk when i tried to learn to ride a bike. then again, some aspies are mostly numb to most pain. out perception of pain is different than most people.
no, it doesnt make you weak. we are emotional, sensitive, impulsive, not weak. if you lash out when in pain, that means impulsivness, not weakness.

I am very weak emotionally. I have shut downs in school frequently. I don't even try in my school work anymore. It's just too stressful. I'd rather not worry about and I'll get an A anyway. I also broke up with a long-time girlfriend, so I'm still a little depressed about that too.

It happens to everyone I guess. It's usually different about this to everyone, but in reality, we are weak.

I went to a career transition group today which went fairly well. I got recommended to a company, which might be a better utilization of my skills and lead to better pay; the only thing is, as far as I can tell, this company does not cover sex reassignment surgery and looks not to do that anytime soon.

I'm like, OK.

I came home, my thinking became negative. I read this post-op trans woman online who was complaining about pre-ops misunderstanding post-ops, and I'm over here thinking, Perhaps that's because pre-ops can't know what being a post-op is like. The person doth protest too much.

I went to sleep, feeling absolutely horrible.

When I got up, I felt somewhat better.

Maybe using up a lot of spoons makes affect regulation difficult for me? That's something to keep in mind.

I do much better with physical pain than emotional pain. I am very very sensitive to emotional pain but have a bit more tolerance for the physical.