In therapy I learned about something called social cues....

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In therapy today, I learned about something called "social cues". It's very interesting, as I've never had any thoughts of such a thing or naturally felt like I had to do these kind of things. For example: apparently when neurotypicals meet one another, they do things like test eachother like maybe make a joke about something and see how they reciprocate, to see if they open up about or something. Or the way they show empathy towards one another is, like "well, this person just opened up to me about something now I should say something to make them feel comfortable to know I've felt somewhere similar", yet for me I do that but I also force myself to feel what they've felt and it's very overwhelming.
In my head, I thought everyone's reality was being vulnerable 24/7, telling everyone everything, being open and honest about every emotion and feeling it all but it's not actually like that. People have walls and are closed off, they actually get overwhelmed when someone is being too open or vulnerable and they actually might see it as a form of disrespect cause you aren't respecting their comfort zone. This makes sense why I lose so many friends or so many people cut me off when I'm so open and honest about everything about me...

I guess it is important to keep some stuff for myself cause when you are always vulnerable, it can be tough - you can feel like a fool.

Yeah, there's a lot to learn on the subject. For some people, I think it's like discovering a whole new language.

It's brutal.

I try to play the game of social cues. However, it usually comes off as quite creepy as I do not understand why people do all these bloody test and just walk away in the middle of conversations.

Exactly!! !'

Yeah I can sense it but it doesn't do me any good. I'm someone who naturally thinks of things in a personal, intimate way. This whole "say a million words without letting down your wall" thing is incomprehensible to me. How can you care about anything truly and not be vulnerable because of it?

It is also important to be aware that con artists and manipulators will act like they are so eager to hear everything about you but in reality, they are recording information to use against you. I think TIME is the answer; you have to give yourself time to get to know someone where you gradually confide in them and share. I say, don't be too quick to share. Or share things that are not so emotionally loaded; share interests, opinions about a book or movie, and experiences that are more neutral (don't tell them all about your childhood trauma).

And look for red flags. If someone is too quick to flatter you, that is a red flag of a manipulator. If they say, "You are so kind. You really love animals don't you?" that may or may not be a red flag. But when they start hinting that they need you to give them money to help an animal, beware. Manipulation occurs in steps, first the flattery and then the question (they ask you for something, using what they know about you to pressure you into giving them what they want). Be aware of the Flattery and then the request for help con.

Being too friendly is also a red flag because that is a tactic manipulators use to make you comfortable and to earn your trust. They will also say things like "I like moms with small children" or say "I like women who have respect for themselves" or "I like moms who are calm with their kids and don't yell at them." Also someone not taking no for an answer is a big red flag. My mom told me it's okay to get rude with them and insult them and you won't hurt their feelings. I was also told you make a scene and they will flee.

Thank you

I do like moms who are calm with their kids. I have no ulterior motive to "get to know" these moms. I just respect mothers who are calm with their kids.

Interesting. Surely you must have thought that most other people had much more boring emotional lives than yours, if you were sharing everything, and assumed that they were too?