What movitates or motivated you to stay alive

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Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I think about what I'm doing with my life I think what's the point in living, I hate my anti depressants because it makes me content with my mediocre life style, aside from my aspie friend, psychiatrists, I nearly hate everyone else and I'm starting to hate them too family (I started having some homicidal thoughts). I don't desire to date anyone or socialize. Most people at my age in my area are more concerned about partying, getting drunk, doing drugs, getting laid, goofing off, starting fights, etc.

I felt that it was pretty sad that the only reason I'm keeping myself alive is for some video games like Star Citizen and to watch anime. I don't feel I can handle the typical expected routine/American dream AKA go to college get a degree, get a job, find a partner, spend most of your twenties paying off college loans/medical school, then buy a house and have children you don't even want.

At this point I thought why go down that routine especially in the recession plus college isn't just to help you get a job but to start your own business. The satisfaction of watching an anime or playing a game isn't enough anymore cause once it's done it's done, plus I want something I can call my own. Since I'm good with computers I'm currently looking into programming games and apps, hopefully if I make a game that sells enough I can buy a house to use as a studio and other stuff I want. I really want the satisfaction of being able to flip off anyone that has ever put me down and make them wish they were nicer to me before.

I don't want life to beat me.

Taking it all and continuing is the best way to have it over the b***h.

Peace will come when I die, via illness or accident.

Focus on this, for the immediate future. It's good that you can still recognize that some things going on in your life right now pretty much stink and that it's worth putting in the effort to change them. Even though you have talent in this department, please remember that it is going to take some struggle to achieve your goals. At the same time, don't put too much pressure on yourself or raise the bar too high. If you have certain goals you're aspiring to, and you find that it's taking longer than expected to get there, do not get down on yourself and beat yourself up over it; just pedal back a little and reflect on what you can do to make it work anyway, or revise your plans.

You don't have to defend your lack of enthusiasm for the regular, expected routine that most people take of degree--->career---->spouse---->house---->family etc. If other people comment on this, just tell them you have your own things that you enjoy doing, and that's what's important. That way, you can also take some steam off the hatred you feel for most people around you, since you'll be able to face them from a more confident position. At the end of the day, the only person you ultimately have to answer to, is you yourself. That's not to say you should be super egotistical, but it helps keep you going if you can feel positive about yourself.

My cats need cat food.

Little autistic kids need somebody to tell people to listen to them.

Science needs more people who like to learn.

And if I died, it would be just one more autistic person to prove how horrible autism is.

But yeah, I guess the primary weapon I have against suicidal thoughts is that I'm useful. Even if it's only as a cat-food dispenser, that's enough to make a difference.

I can't even seriously answer the question of why I keep myself alive. I don't know why I stubbornly cling to life. It's not like it'll get any better. I don't know. Maybe something's coming up over the horizon that my make me feel better about living. I don't know.

Love for family & friends. Ambition to accomplish long term goals.

A major thing keeping me going is a around the world trip I'm planning to go on when I'm in my mid 20's , It involves almost every continent and I stay in every location for a week!

But then when thats over , what then? :/

Another thing that is keeping me going is the freedom I'll get when I'm older , currently I can't have control over my own hair.

I'm alive because it's where clear conscience can be found. Contemplating death too much is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and nearly everyone has people in their life they don't want to burden. Sure, like half of everybody out there I've aggrandized my own death, but whenever I ponder its' technical aspects, death comes up in the category marked REALLY BORING. My life only ever gets weirder and less predictable, that's pretty much what makes me likable.

I'm a developer of many trades. Feel free to PM me questions!

Does one have to be (at least sometimes) suicidal to have Asperger's? I've never contemplated killing myself. The only time I feel bad is when I get overwhelmed with things but as soon as I get away from the stressor I feel good to be alive. I do think though that if I ever got any form of dementia and it became harder for me to function then it is now, that I might consider it then.

But while I don't believe in any traditional or known god, I do believe there's at least a chance that there was some kind of creator and it's possible we were put here to learn something to make us ready for what happens when we die - so I figure if I kill myself before I learn that thing, when I die things could very well be way worse! The very thing I want to avoid most, having less skills to deal with more problems. So I probably will stick it out through thick and thin.

Contemplating suicide can't be equated to actual suicidal tendencies, thought patterns aren't separated from actions solely by pre-existing conditions. Arguably a fully functional brain is simply one that keeps its' owner alive. We're still just mammals...

In varying degrees, suicidal thoughts occur in the minds of many, many people. It goes from a fleeting 'I wish I were dead' without follow-up, all the way to actually slitting one's wrists in the bathroom. Quite a few people that I know personally -most of whom are not on the spectrum- have told me that at certain points in their lives, they considered committing suicide; I'm happy they didn't. I myself have been on that precipice at various times. It's good to read that you aren't among those who are afflicted by suicidal thoughts, and seem to be able to look on the brith side in times of inner turmoil.

Pursuing interests and knowledge. Nothing else matters.

On my tougher days,
<------- this fluffy dude motivates me to stay alive.
It's just me & him at home. And I couldn't bear the thought of abandoning him.

Pets are the best medicine

My fear of death.

I'm the sole source of income for my family. That is the only reason I'm alive. And the only reason I want to die.