The "quiet" question. Don't know how much more I

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I started at a new job about a couple of weeks ago. One of the things that convinced me to take the job was the person who referred me assured me that this would be an anti-social job that I wouldn't need to talk or interact with people so much. The socializing demands at my old job were already stressing me out so I thought maybe things would be a little easier with the change.

Well not even a week in, it started. The "quiet" question. Seriously, I barely know anyone at my massive work place and not even a week in, do I get my first "Why are you so quiet"? At my old job, it took at least a month or two before someone asked me this.

So as of today, and just a little over two weeks into this job...I've been questioned or told "you're awfully quiet" by about five people. FIVE PEOPLE IN A WEEK just two weeks into this new environment!

This has got to be a new record and I am now at my breaking point. I REALLY CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! No matter where I go, no matter how long I'm there, I feel like I'm being hounded and harassed with this question. And because I am slow-witted I don't have enough time to come up with a good answer while trying to vent the rage of being asked this question for the 10000000000000000000000th time. WHY WON'T THIS STOP?! !! I'm not even being "quiet" intentionally! I respond to people when they say "hello" or "good morning" but it's still never enough for these people, is it?

Where do I begin to discuss how this has been a lifelong problem with me? I think my "quietness" first became too big a deal to people in 8th grade. At the end of the year they would give out Funny Awards to each of the students and guess which one was mine? To this day I am still baffled as to what is so funny about being the "quietest" person. Not to mention that same year a good number of signatures I got for my yearbook would also need to make reference to this. One even told me to talk more.

Then in high school, I was on Tech Crew for the fall play and they had a bulletin board featuring all the crew members with a funny nickname and mini-bio. My selected-not-by-me nickname was "Shhhhh!" and it had some stupid tidbit about my "quietness" or whatnot. I wanted them to take it off. In fact I think I did try to tell them too. This led me to have a bad meltdown and I almost couldn't work the play as a result.

So with the occasional teasing of my "quietness" inbetween, when I was at a vocational school after college I was starting a new quarter and in one of my classes we had icebreakers. For some reason, I was only a sentence or two into my introduction when the teacher (who I had previously in other classes) decided to butt in and say out loud "and she's quiet" causing everyone to laugh. Good god! Even the teachers won't let up on me for this and most of the time they're trying to get the other students in the class to stop talking.

Don't people realize that it is not only rude...but incredibly stupid to get on someone for? And some of these people were making the excuse that they were "just making conversation". Well, if you're just making conversation then isn't it basic that the one thing you do is not point out something about that person that one may find rude and insensitive? That reminds me of one where my coworkers were jokingly saying "oh maybe she has some sort of sad past" to each other, while I was standing there watching them.

Could someone care to explain to me how people with Asperger's are the "rude" "insensitive" ones when this is what I've been putting up with by non-autistics for the vast majority of my life?

I hate getting this question\ comment. I get it soooo many times! IT'S JUST THE WAY I AM!! !!

I much prefer quiet (which I am) to reserved or shy (which I am not). maybe you're just a tad oversensitive about this. it's not an insult.

They don't know that it is rude and insensitive to you, and they don't know that you hate being asked the question.

Practice saying this: "I'm just a quiet person."
There, now you have a response on hand.
Also practice saying "Do I question how much you talk?"
Now you have a response to "Why would you want to be so quiet?"

People often say I'm shy just because I'm quiet. However, shyness is not the reason I'm quiet. It is just that I often don't have much to say.

"Why are you so quiet?"

Because I have nothing to say and see no value in saying something when I have nothing to say.

Try to develop some stock, automatic responses. A lot of conversations are mostly parroting of the daily buzz. You can even substitute "I'm not fine today" for the usual responses, and as long as you use the standard cheery tone of voice, nobody even notices. Some options for quiet types might be "I try to stay focussed on my work here." or "You are all so much smarter than me." or "I try to stay in prayer and meditation." If you do have a special interest, you might do the little professor act, or invite people to obscure events until they avoid you. Less recommended is the more honest "You are all so effing boring."

Just say you're an introvert. Most people know what that means.

People used to say I was quiet because I was an artist.

I hate that question. If you feel like being a smartass, ask them why they are such a loud mouth.

I sometimes get asked that question by people I first meet and hang out with for a while , I don't mind explaining to them my social skills aren't up to standard and sometimes I prefer to stick on my own.

For those wondering: I have used the "because I am" response and it's really tiring and not really helpful or effective. I have one guy now who's so on my case about my lack of talking he's almost treating our text conversations now like a social interrogation. Why the hell did I agree to give him my phone number for something this stupid?

When I am quiet it is because I am shy and also because of my anxiety issues. I do care what people think of me [and since I am so weird they ussually don't think too highly of me] Often, when I do come out of my shell, people tend to hate me for not remaining in my omega position. This also happens when I am still quiet but one of the leaders tells me to do something that is against my values, and so I refuse.

I don't know how to handle this, because I am now an old woman, whereas just a few years ago I looked WAAAAAY younger than my age [no longer] and was what many people consider quite attractive. We also had money [spent it all trying to save my sons life, now near homeless living in a travel trailer] Chemo has turned my brain to jello and affects my emotions, sending me into crying jags. [now also considered stupid and weak]

None of these changes bothered me much. I was so naive, that when as an adult, after a nightmare of a childhood, I believed that people liked my eccentric, quirky self. Turns out that I was accepted for my looks, money, creativity and always happy attitude despite having a sick kid. I would much rather be asked "why don't you talk?" than receiving an attitude of "Don't you dare talk." and I am not being paranoid. Many in my community felt so betrayed by my vulnerability that they chose to believe a circulating lie that I was faking breast cancer [and this is at a nudist club, where people were already seeing my scarred chest and drains just days after my mastectomy]

On the bright side, hitting bottom so hard and fast reminded me that i was always treated horribly as a child for being different and triggering me to become active in fighting for rights, acceptance and accomodations for other autistics.

This thread, along with chemo brain, triggered the emotions I was feeling constantly not many months ago. And guys, chemo brain is so real that I forgot that I have reached an incredibly exciting period of my life.[ I fORGOT that I am now content.Is that weird or what?]

Kind of got off subject. Guess I needed to let it out.

I agree that it is very annoying to be asked this question. However, it sounds like you are caring too much what other people think of you. Who cares if they think you are too quiet? Their opinions of your personality are irrelevant. It sounds like, even if you don't verbally express it, they are getting some sort of reaction out of you when they ask this. So, like a child who can't let things be, they continue to prod you about it because they continue to get a response, even if it is a negative one. Stop caring, and they will stop talking about it.

When I am asked this question, I just say "I like to think" or "I don't have anything to say." If they continue to ask about it, I just shrug my shoulders and smile and that's that. It hasn't come up again. They have occasionally made a joke about it here and there, but I don't mind that. Because, the truth is that I AM quiet, and that's okay. There's no use in pretending that the obvious isn't true. It's part of who I am and I don't mind that others see me that way.

One aspect of this query is actually an invitation to join whatever conversation is going on, or generally introduce yourself. A good strategy might often be to engage in some stock banter, and quickly get them talking about themselves. The ease of that transition betrays another aspect: "Please stop ignoring us." It is really pretty fine for you to be quiet, as long as you seem to be listening.