Psychologist said I don't have Aspergers

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I thought I had Aspergers/Autism, but as the title says, she thinks that I don't have it. I first started researching Aspergers about a year ago, though I'm not quite sure how I started it. Eventually as I kept on researching, I realized that a lot of the symptoms describe me (ex. obsessive interests, trouble with people, extremely literal-minded, unable to understand jokes, unable to understand social rules, offend people unintentionally, etc.). I did several tests, and they said that I was on the spectrum. I eventually told my mother and asked her to bring me to a psychologist to test me for it. When I first mentioned it to her, she said that she knew that I was different. In fact, she had a dream about it where an old man gave her a ring (me) and said that it was very special. Later on though, she became against the idea because she saw some characters in movie with autism and she was like "That's nothing like you." Then I was like "Different people show autism differently."
She eventually decided to get me tested during summer break. First we went to a doctor and talked about my behavior and symptoms, and she thought that there was a good chance I had it, but she didn't have the qualifications to diagnose me, so she referred me to a psychologist. A couple of months later I met her and we had an interview and talked about it. Then she talked to my mother and gave her an interview. At the end, she brought us both together and told me that there was no way I had Autism/Aspergers. She said that during my interview with me she got no indication that I was on the spectrum, and mostly gave me 0s. Apparently when she interviewed my mother, she got more 1s and 2s, which indicate that I might be on the spectrum. I was shocked, and also kind of heartbroken because by that time I had built my identity around Aspergers and now it was cut off. I can imagine that it would be akin to telling a black person who thought he was black all his life that he wasn't actually so.
Anyway, she said that I was just a smart girl who had trouble relating to my peers because i wasn't interested in the same stuff as them, like booze, drugs, sex, etc. She also told me that people who try to get diagnosed with Aspergers/Autism later in life usually don't have it, and that true Aspies get diagnosed as children. She said that I did show signs of ADD because I space out a lot an am often inattentive, but it wasn't enough to diagnose me.
I think my mother was just happy to not have a screwed-up daughter. I remember a few days ago when I was having a spat with her she said "You aren't crazy, the psychologist said so, so stop acting that way."
Needless to say, I'm very confused. Am I just a screwed up person who latched onto the label to feel better about herself? Or did the psychologist get it wrong?
I'd really appreciate some insight.

You did not say if the psychologist was experienced with diagnosing ASDs.

I think the psychologist would be expecting you to display some dysfunction, and then deductively try to figure out what is wrong with you. However, it does not sound like you stated any dysfunction ?

The psychologist might be reluctant to diagnose an apparently normal functioning person with no reported dysfunction, based on the person listing out of traits that cannot be verified. You can claim, "I am literal-minded" or "I am not social" , however, in the absence of those traits causing some reported dysfunction, then how is that evidence of a mental disorder ??

I think you need to first identify what you feel is your dysfunction, and then go to the psychologist.

I guess I could be considered a normally-functioning teenager in that I do well in school, hand in my assignments, and don't get into trouble. I guess I also appeared normal to her, but I'm fairly adept at doing that with strangers, especially if we're talking about intellectual stuff.
I stated that I had trouble interacting with people and understanding their social rules, which is my dysfunction. I remember this one time in Grade 8, I asked a substitute teacher if she was pregnant at the behest of a friend (now that I look back at it, I think she intentionally tried to get me in trouble). When my regular teacher heard about this, he gave me a half-hour lecture about how i broke his trust, but I still didn't know what I did wrong at the end at that time. When I told people later on in high school about it, they were shocked. I think I talked about this incident with the psychologist.
I remember that it was especially bad during my elementary school years. Due to my literal-mindedness I would often interpret people the wrong way, and I was also fairly gullible (I believed EVERYTHING people said to me). I was bullied a lot, and I often talked to teachers and people from older grades rather than my classmates. There was this one girl especially who I thought was my friend, even though she'd do all sorts of nasty stuff behind my back like spreading rumors. I'd always forgive her though because I believed she was good inside.

I think you should get another opinion if you can. If you are able to afford one that would be very good. I would not just accept this person's word for it. The one thing you said that the psychologist said that struck a bit of a nerve with me is that people who try to get diagnosed later in life don't usually have it because if they did they would have gotten diagnosed as children. I don't agree with that at all. There are tons of people who slipped through the cracks as children, especially girls who often present later in life and very differently than boys. Also, if you are like me, Autism Spectrum and Asperger's did not even exist when we were little children. Autism itself was not even widely known. So many of us would have never been diagnosed as children because high functioning Autism was not even known about in order for us to be diagnosed. And many of us are getting diagnosed as adults and finding out that we really are on the Spectrum. That is what happened to me. I did not find Asperger's, it found me and smacked me in the head full on.

I was pulled aside by someone I had become friends with who happens to be a guidance counselor for Autistic high school students and he had been observing me and my behavior and interactions with other people for about eight months before he told me. He saw me a couple hours at a time about three or four days a week over a two year period four months at a time. We also became friends and talked about many things. He also brought me up to his colleagues and then after all of that observation he told me that there was no question that I am on the Spectrum. He told me that it was very obvious the very first time he ever saw me but he waited for almost three quarters of a year to tell me so that he could get to know me.

Now I am in the process of getting an unofficial diagnosis from a psychiatrist. It's unofficial because I can't afford an official one so the psychiatrist is doing it as a favor to me free of charge. I just won't get a "real" diagnosis on paper. But I don't need that for my own purposes and understanding about myself. But even this psychiatrist is pretty convinced that I am on the Spectrum.

But I tell you this because I don't think it is right for a psychologist to say something like what that person said. There are so many of us who had to learn to cope and survive in society because we are old enough that a diagnosis for high Functioning Autism/Asperger's did not exist when we were small so there is no way we could have gotten one. But just because they did not know about us then does not by any means mean that we are not on the Spectrum. If you have traits and if they affect your life and it is important to you to find out for sure, I say get another opinion if you can.

I wish you the very best with this because it can be very frustrating and stressful. Let us know how it all turns out. Best of luck.

See if you can find someone who specializes in diagnosing Autism in girls. Girls and boys present very differently and girls are often misdiagnosed more often than boys are and many times completely missed. Girls tend to do better socially and sometimes their traits appear strongly later in life than with boys so sometimes high functioning Autistic girls are easy to miss.

I think she got it wrong.  To say 'true Aspies get diagnosed as children,' that's just not the case.

First off, Welcome to Wrong Planet!     And whether you turn out to be full-fledged Aspie or Aspie-lite or Spectrum-friendly, you are a valued person and we welcome your participation.  :jester:

Okay, I am self-diagnosed, and I am comfortable being self-diagnosed.  Now, I am probably quite a bit older than you, and at this stage in my life don't feel the strong need to get any kind of 'official' diagnosis.  Plus, I've had some negative experiences with mental health professionals.

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My own personal description of Asperger's-Autism Spectrum is as follows: 

1)  sensory issues,

2)  intense intellectual and/or artistic interests,

3)  patchy social skills, perhaps awkward social skills, maybe good in some areas, and not so good in others,

4)  stimming, and

5)  (maybe) meltdowns.

PS  Most Aspies only have SOME of these traits, not only of them.  And I'm sorry I was not more clear about this.  But this is close to the complete list, and any particular person on the spectrum is likely to have only some of the traits.

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Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 28 Nov 2013, 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Keep trying. There's no reason to not try to keep seek diagnosis if you're sure of the outcome.

Never a good idea to build an identity around a medical disorder.

I agree. Even if you find out that you really have Asperger's which you very well may, it is not your identity. It is not all you are. You are you and you are a perfect and beautiful and wonderful young woman whether you have Aperger's or not. Nothing will ever change that. Autism is simply a neurological condition. That is all it is. There are things about that condition which greatly affect our lives and we have to make accommodations for it but it is not your identity. It's like a blind person. You may know Andrea Bocelli the classical vocalist. As a blind person he has many challenges that he has to overcome to live his life but blindness is not his identity, it is simply his challenge.

But try not to get discouraged in all of this. Take your time to work through this and whatever the outcome is you will always be you, that will never change. All of the things about you that make you the unique and special and beautiful girl that you are will still be there just as much whether you have a label for a neurological challenge or not. And like AardvarkGoodSwimmer said, you are always welcome in our little community no matter what the doctors say. And whatever your traits and challenges are, whether official or not, you will always find help and support here.

There isn't really enough information to go from here, she could be right or wrong. If there is something you can gain from getting a diagnosis then go get a second opinion, if not there is really no need to bother.

Get another's opinion if you can, there's a common theme of people that don't know what they're talking about saying people don't have it when they do.

When I first discovered autism I thought wow, 100%.

I told my gp and she ( a polish doctor who could barely understand english) said no almost immediately. She told me I was just gifted, like autism was just something made up and telling me no would make my problems go away. She had me stuttering for how she blew my suspicions away and totally spoke over me. I mean. communication difficulty and I'm meant to explain a lifetime of signs in 30 seconds?

I carried on having problems in life for like 5 years, and was scared to say what I believed my problems were caused by. Like literally ashamed and felt like I was some kind of liar with a secret I darent tell anyone because they would ridicule me. I even met some women who'd trained to work with autistic kids and was just about to start her new job and she made me feel like an idiot and basically laughed at me.

Then I got referred to an autistic specialist and at my first screening I got told that I have 'strong autistic traits'.

I mean, c'mon, I've spent most my last ten years of my life locked away alone in my room. When she asked if I have sensitivities to anything I told her about the fact that my flat has been cloaked in darkness for the past 5 years and I've opened the curtains a small handful of times in years. I saw some of those photos of that Adam lanza guys room recently where he'd covered his curtains in black stuff and thats exactly what I've done in the past.

So many other things. This was an autistic specialist, who also happened to have autism herself, who spends day in and day out screening and meeting autistic people, she has some real expertise and lectures on the subject, and anyone that has anything to do with autism in my area of the world knows her name and she's like really well respected.

What my gp told me was completely irresponsible for how it made me feel for the years between finding my answer to my problems to finally getting diagnosed years later.

So don't take no for an answer, not until you've had a second opinion. It could save u years of doubting yourself as a result. I know I could just be projecting my problem onto you but if your psychologist is wrong this could waste years of your life because she doesn't know what she's talking about. Its better to be sure now than wasting years in self doubt.

You could be borderline. Can you post the types of tests you have gone through and the scores? Then we'll know for sure. You should have got a copy of all the results. In my experience, there are lots of people who are borderline, and on bad days they feel more autistic and on good days they feel quite normal. Doctors are reluctant to give labels to these people if they don't have major issues functioning in life. Remember there are many people who are socially awkward and they don't have autism at all. That in itself can not lead to diagnosis. Do you have motor issues, sensory issues, meltdowns, stims, echolalia, fixations and repetitive behaviors ...etc. Various issues typical for autistics?

If you really don't have it that's great news. That means your issues are likely to improve with effort and the right therapy.

You haven't got a horrible disorder GO YOU

I remember that I got an Aspie score 150-160, and a neurotypical score of around 60 when I took the rdos aspie quiz.

maybe the OP should take one of those online tests [if she hasn't already] just to get a 2nd opinion of sorts?

I think I understand somewhat. My daughter was at one point evaluated by a psychologist, who said that what seemed spectrum was not. To get a diagnosis I had to go outside psychologists as two other psychologists told me basically that they would not contradict the first one.

It was a difficult and confusing time. I did find a physician who was willing to make his own mind up. It helped to have the label, for understanding, and taking about. But not as much as the people who let my daughter be a person. That is what matters most, being able to be yourself, whether you have ASD or not. I wish so much for you to be able to feel accepted and acceptable, with no need to struggle for labels. Because you deserve to feel and be understood. Look for that in anyone who evaluates you, because you deserve to walk away with a better understanding of yourself and the world. Not with more confusion.