stuck with counseling, church, and being angry

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relevant current clinical diagnoses: Asperger's, ADHD- combined type, PTSD_ in partial-full remission (hasn't been a big problem in a while)

I am stuck with three things: counseling, church, and feeling angry about being misunderstood

I saw a counselor previously during college for about 3 years. After coming to graduate school I starting attending a church that I really like. My church offered free counseling, and I was still dealing with a little of the trauma stuff, but mostly the ADHD, AS, and other developmental issues. Since it was there and available, I decided to give it a try. I have been going almost a year. On and off i have noticed little things about my counselor that bother me. He is very sure of himself (good thing at times) but it can almost come off as abrasive or arrogant. His specialization is in trauma and sexual abuse, which I have a history of, but he has decided that all my issues with relationships, sensory issues, rocking, and touch can be summed up in trauma. My psychologist who worked with me very closely for three years said I had Asperger's and I completely agree. My initial diagnosis of ADHD was made a few months before Asperger's was official, but my old psychologists did a complete review of my early symptoms and previous testing results combined with the current issues to make the diagnosis. It is definitely right.

Somehow though, it took me a few months to convince my current therapist that I have Asperger's. He is convinced that all my issues can be summed up by trauma. He literally wants to cure me and change me. He wants me to love people, be less data crazy (I'm a statistics minor in graduate school... you can't get much nerdier) and want to do things with people. He wants me to be NT. I can't be NT!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! I CAN'T I CAN'T and I WON'T. It's gotten to the point to where I feel like God says I am doing something wrong because I have Asperger's. I don't want to change me. I was just starting to accept everything and now this. I had finally come to terms with the fact that I was not just weird, but had AS, and now this!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! And I am so amazingly angry with him.

Last week while talking about the fact that I don't like light touches he said it must be because of trauma and flashbacks. I explained that I don't have flashbacks anymore and actually never did have flashbacks triggered by light touches and he actually accused me of lying. What. The. Heck. Seriously? Trust is hard for me. I've trusted you and I am trying to explain something to you and you are listening to me and then when you do you say you don't believe me? Really? I'm so angry.

So of course, he goes to my church and he and his wife are friends of mine. Now I am actually afraid to go to church because I don't know how to handle this. I don't know what to say or what to do, but I can't go to church being angry at him, so I am skipping church. So I am disconnected from counseling and from one of the most reliable social supports I have (people at church). The culmination fo this is that I just hate people today.

I don't know how to fix this. Do I just need a new counselor? I don't trust my current counselor anymore. I feel angry and hurt and betrayed.

Try to find a therapist who knows about neurological disorders and trauma. Your current therapist is not competent in the treatment of AS but seems to know his stuff when it comes to trauma. It took me 7 years to find a therapist familiar with AS because the condition is not very common. However, I am grateful that I did. I trust him.

I know it is hard to change therapists and start a new relationship with someone new. However, if you don't trust him anymore and don't feel comfortable in the relationship, you are not getting the most out of the service.

Thanks em. I think I am going to have to try to look into that. My options are either to get a new therapist or quit therapy (may be possible). Either way, I know after Christmas I can't be with my current therapist. This is just not working for me. Thanks for your encouragement.

Can you write him a letter, thanking him for the time he has spent working with you, and then get another counselor outside of church. since church is your primary social support, you should not feel too uncomfortable to attend.

First of all, your therapist and your diagnosis are not a good fit.
Second of all, it is a professional boundary violation for him and his wife to be friends with you.
The problems are his. Just call him up and tell him you are terminating. Trust me, he'll live.

OP, ditch the God-botherers and go with the clinical route.

You wouldn't see a doctor for a spiritual problem, so why reverse the field?

If they're ready to have you back once diagnosed then fair enough.

But if you start trying to heal you, run like hell.

I find it a shame when people with disabilities like Asperger Syndrome don't get the support they need from their church, but that's their church's choice not the individuals.

OP, I hope it works out for you.

Don't ever think that God is saying you are wrong for being who you are. But you have to realize that some of the people He lets run His house aren't what they are supposed to be. I agree with the last poster... If a counselor specializes in something (most church therapists focus on trauma, simply because that is the most common problem in that group) they tend to make everything fit into that category simply because that's what they are comfortable with. Find a new primary therapist.

a good therapist will let you decide if you want to incorporate religion into your therapy...and the religion you choose can and often will be different from the religion practiced by the clinician. a good therapist will take the compassion and love their own religious tradition teaches them and put all other doctrine aside for the duration of your session. they should be licensed through a mainstream licensing body (like the APA), capable of losing their licenses if they abuse their roles, and should have advanced clinical educations from accredited schools which are not primarily confessional in orientation.

therapists who cannot be sanctioned for abusing their clients are not safe.

therapists without real, clinical educations are not safe.

christian counselors destroy lives. I don't say that as an outsider: my parents are missionaries. I grew up in the mission field and in the church. I have relatives in most major denominations of christianity, and I've been in christian counseling myself.

run, do not walk, to get out of that pastoral counselor's office. if your church won't accept you for seeing someone else: LEAVE. if that's how they feel, that's not a church, it's a cult. otherwise, don't hurt anybody and be right with God, and there's nothing to worry about.

my parents are good people, but due to their religious affiliations they responded to my autism symptoms with prayer and exorcism, not therapy. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 25, and I've watched one of my closest friend's family be torn apart by christian counselors who are covering up child abuse despite an actual f*****g confession. religious institutions are as likely as not to use their free "counseling" to cover up abuse and neglect as they are to provide real, quality care.

I agree. Ditch the church based counselors. They often have no credentials in counseling or psychology. Even worse, they interpret mental disorders through the lens of religion. Run like hell from these people. Get yourself a therapist who is neutral concerning religion and is proficient in the difficulties you describe. Better yet, see another psychiatrist as well. If I am correct, medications can control your ADHD.
I obviously have a poor opinion of pastors and christian counselors. That comes from experience.