Found this site...Not sure if is useful to anybody...

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bumble
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redrobin62
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07 Dec 2013, 6:08 pm

Making friends is not the problem. I can just go to the local sports bar and meet like-minded people into the Seahawks. It's maintaining friends that's the problem. Somewhere along the way I'll inadvertently say the wrong thing, speak too frankly, speak too oddly, or have nothing else to relate to any potential friend I'd meet. It always goes awry with me so now I don't even bother.



justkillingtime
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07 Dec 2013, 6:46 pm

I initiated a friendship with a co-worker but now I realize we have nothing in common and, although I like him a lot, I have nothing to say and I think it is beginning to get awkward.


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micfranklin
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07 Dec 2013, 7:40 pm

This is helpful to me in some aspect.



Callista
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07 Dec 2013, 7:59 pm

It seems like a reasonable FAQ on friend-making. It's aimed at NTs, though, so it doesn't have the special problems that autistics face, things like knowing how much contact is enough or too much, knowing whether someone is bored, or knowing how to maintain a friendship when your special interest takes over your brain.

But not too bad. Worth reading. Just remember that autistics do think differently, and that this rundown of friend-making is probably not going to cover the things that come naturally even to shy NTs.

Actually, that seems like a normal problem when it comes to NTs teaching us about how to interact. There are some skills that are so automatic for them that NTs don't even realize that these are skills we have to learn, and then they don't realize when we don't know them. It takes a bit of analysis to figure out where your particular gaps are.


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07 Dec 2013, 8:23 pm

Callista wrote:
It seems like a reasonable FAQ on friend-making. It's aimed at NTs, though, so it doesn't have the special problems that autistics face, things like knowing how much contact is enough or too much, knowing whether someone is bored, or knowing how to maintain a friendship when your special interest takes over your brain.

But not too bad. Worth reading. Just remember that autistics do think differently, and that this rundown of friend-making is probably not going to cover the things that come naturally even to shy NTs.

Actually, that seems like a normal problem when it comes to NTs teaching us about how to interact. There are some skills that are so automatic for them that NTs don't even realize that these are skills we have to learn, and then they don't realize when we don't know them. It takes a bit of analysis to figure out where your particular gaps are.



Exactly! I mentioned to some NTs that I don't know how to "mingle" in a large gathering. All they will say is I need to try going up to a group of people and joining in the conversation. What they don't realize is that I meant exactly what I said, I do not know HOW. What I need is for someone to break it down into smaller steps, explain each step, and accompany me as I execute each step. Better yet, I need to watch them do each step before I try it myself. They told me the same thing when I mentioned that I don't know how to invite people. They told me I just need to invite people. What I need is step by step assistance. If I mention I need smaller steps, their idea of smaller steps is still much larger than I need. They don't quite get it. The advice they give, however would be perfect for a shy NT or even for an NT with social anxiety. They know I am weird, and have poor social skills, but they don't grasp how much I don't know.


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redrobin62
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07 Dec 2013, 8:51 pm

Analyzing my past friendships, there are two recognizable takeaways:

1. My "friends"were all weird, left of center, oddballs, drug addicts, unusual and outside of the norm.

2. My "friends" wanted something from me, like a ride, or money, or drugs, or a place to stay or something else.

I couldn't make friends with someone who is normal if my life depended on it. I live in the suburbs now but there are single male and female neighbours around that I can hang out with. I don't because they're normal and we wouldn't be able to relate to each other. I fully embrace that, being autistic, my communication deficits extends to me not being able to relate to my peers.



justkillingtime
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07 Dec 2013, 11:03 pm

My friends were never members of the "normal club". People who were normal may have given friendship with me a try but quickly became unavailable or treated friendship like we were all there to help one another - run errands for each other, etc. That messed up my routine. It meant they expected you to be "on call" and, in turn, they would be "on call" for me. That was way too unpredictable and not part of my program.


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