Callista wrote:
It seems like a reasonable FAQ on friend-making. It's aimed at NTs, though, so it doesn't have the special problems that autistics face, things like knowing how much contact is enough or too much, knowing whether someone is bored, or knowing how to maintain a friendship when your special interest takes over your brain.
But not too bad. Worth reading. Just remember that autistics do think differently, and that this rundown of friend-making is probably not going to cover the things that come naturally even to shy NTs.
Actually, that seems like a normal problem when it comes to NTs teaching us about how to interact. There are some skills that are so automatic for them that NTs don't even realize that these are skills we have to learn, and then they don't realize when we don't know them. It takes a bit of analysis to figure out where your particular gaps are.
Exactly! I mentioned to some NTs that I don't know how to "mingle" in a large gathering. All they will say is I need to try going up to a group of people and joining in the conversation. What they don't realize is that I meant exactly what I said, I do not know HOW. What I need is for someone to break it down into smaller steps, explain each step, and accompany me as I execute each step. Better yet, I need to watch them do each step before I try it myself. They told me the same thing when I mentioned that I don't know how to invite people. They told me I just need to invite people. What I need is step by step assistance. If I mention I need smaller steps, their idea of smaller steps is still much larger than I need. They don't quite get it. The advice they give, however would be perfect for a shy NT or even for an NT with social anxiety. They know I am weird, and have poor social skills, but they don't grasp how much I don't know.
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DX Aspergers
AQ: 39
Aspie-quiz AS:154 NT:50
RAADS-R: 194
EQ:15 SQ:114