Husband and I want to have kids... will they be autistic?

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Hi Wrongplanet,

We're married! Yes, my fiancé (now husband) and I got married last night! I can barely sleep right now. But of course, consummating the marriage got me thinking about the possibilities of having a kid with autism.

We both love kids and definitely want to have a family, but I really need to put things in perspective: What is the probability of us having a kid with autism or AS? Is it more likely than not? If it is, then I think we would adopt because I wouldn't want to put another human being through what I went through.

I have diagnosed AS, but I'm relatively borderline (AQ: 27). My husband is not diagnosed but he has enough traits that he is also probably borderline too. My uncle technically has low-functioning AS. My parents are 100% normal with no autistic traits, but my in-laws are both a little weird and have trouble making and keeping friends (although they are generally well-liked because they're extremely nice people).

I know that having AS would increase my child's chances of having AS, but I want to put things in perspective. Does anyone know exactly HOW much the increase in likelihood is? Does the chance of me having a kid with AS/autism exceed 50%? Both my husband and I have demanding jobs (well, I'm in med school now) and I honestly don't think I'll be able to feasibly handle or have time for all the issues that having a kid with classic autism entails. I was hell for my parents to raise (they didn't understand me at all). I don't want to put this upon myself. (Although having a mild AS child wouldn't be much of a big deal to us because we'd be more understanding than my uber-NT parents and siblings were).

Here is a family tree for the more analytical types:

His side:
Father and mother both have aspie traits but complement each other to the extent that his mom is excellent at what his father can't really do and vice versa. Both are what one would call quite weird.
He has 3 half-siblings who are totally normal.

My side:
Everyone normal, save for:
-Maternal grandfather who is really weird but well-adjusted, maybe borderline AS or BAP (my uber-NT but very loving/tolerant grandmother keeps him in check).
-Maternal uncle who is diagnosed with low-functioning AS. Has severe anger-management issues, cannot hold a job or a normal conversation, but lives on his own (was only able to move out of his parents house around age 40).
-My mom has a sister who is completely normal and very popular/social. Her kids are both model children (totally normal, in fact, sort of like superhuman beings in terms of academic and social achievement).
My dad's sister has some kind of Borderline Personality Disorder or histronic PD (she's nuts, self-absorbed, mean, and nobody can stand her).
-My parents are totally normal and very social and popular (typical cheerleader-jock relationship)
-2 siblings, all totally normal and social/popular.
(yes, growing up in this family sucked for the most part).

So, should I have children? Am I doomed to have kids that are beyond what I can handle?

99% chance I think.

If one parent has an ASD, there should be a 50% chance of the child having some form of ASD (from subclinical to severe). Two would be 100%.

The subclinical ones tend to pass it on (they're the ones most likely to have children), as they can pass on any form of ASD.

That's what I read anyway. I don't know if it actually works that way.

Now I wish there was a way they could screen my eggs/his sperm for ASD....

I wouldn't say it was 100% that with two parents the child will be autistic, but the chances are higher. It's more of a lottery really with genetics. My brother produced no autistic children at all but I have one child with autism and one with suspected Aspergers.

The question is not whether you have an increased chance of an ASD kid, but whether you can give it a good life where it is loved and appreciated regardless of functioning level. Remember they could just as easily be high functioning as low, so it might not even be a problem if they are ASD.

MD, the chances of having an autistic child in your circumstances also is heavily contingent upon your ages, meaning the older both of you are, the more likely you would produce an autistic child. Since you are in med school, I would encourage you to do some research. You even have the advantage of understanding the medical/scientific jargon.

Autism and genetics are complicated. This is not the old high school biology stuff about brown eyes being dominant and blue eyes being recessive.

There are a lot of factors that play into autism, which makes scientists believe that it's only partly genetic, or that multiple genes are involved. Here's a quote from one source I found online:

Source: The Tech Museum
Here's a longer, more scientific article discussing what is known about autism and genetics, and highlighting how much we don't know: Autism Genetics

If you look at the numbers in the quote, it appears the chances are actually quite low. Even if you have one autistic child (meaning the parents definitely have whatever genes make that possible), chances of having a second autistic child are only 2-6%. Chances of having a first autistic child therefore must be even lower, so to answer this question:



It seems the answer is no, it's far, far less than that.

The genetic issue does not seem to be the whole picture either. Induction of labor and birth trauma seem to be linked to autism, suggesting environmental factors could have an effect: WebMD

Autism aside, keep in mind that there is no way to control how kids turn out anyway. Some NT kids are easy to raise; some are a total pain. Some kids turn out great, some are awful. Some have congenital defects, others start out fine but have tons of health problems growing up, others are perfectly healthy. To have kids at all is to play the genetic lottery, and the parents' job is to accept their kids and love them for whoever they turn out to be.

For what it's worth, like the OP I was hell for my parents to raise. But with my NT hubby (who comes from a family filled with psychological problems) we have a completely awesome NT kid who has been a dream to raise. I was able to take all the information I got growing up about how not to connect with a kid, and make it work for me as a parent. So you never know, maybe your past can actually work in your favor.

Last but not least, congrats on your marriage! Best wishes for a happy life together.

Only for single-gene disorders, unfortunately. Autism is polygenic and multifactorial, so it's more complex and we don't yet have hard data on what happens when autistics have kids.

We do have twin studies that say that about 8 or 9 out of 10 identical twins of autistics are autistic themselves. However, the specific type of autism may be different--one twin is nonverbal, the other is a loquacious Aspie. That kind of thing.

Honestly, it could be anywhere from the basic chance the general population gets, to twice that chance (4%), to a really high chance like 25%. In my family, with two autistic parents, I'm autistic and my sister isn't.

The fact is, if you have kids, you have a chance of having a kid with disabilities. If you can't love a child who has a disability, then you shouldn't be having children. Unfortunately, the exact odds are still unknown, so you're going to have to go by, "there's probably a bigger chance for us than for most couples that our child will be autistic."

IMO it's a recessive trait that just pops up from time to time and there's no accurately predicting one way or another. I have it, my sister doesn't, but a cousin on my Dad's side does. My daughter does not have any ASD, nor did she inherit her mother's deviant pathology, thank goodness.

I don't see why you should concern yourself with it. There's no such thing as a perfect human being.

A social worker I used to have, had a husband with diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome, and he's had 5 children with her (and he's their real father), and none of the 5 children have any ASDs at all. Also I know a woman with a lot of ASD traits but has 4 children and 6 grandchildren, and none of them are on the spectrum either.

But I'm still afraid to have a baby because I know I will be unlucky enough to have a child on the spectrum, and I hate Asperger's so much, so why would I be cruel enough to bring another child into this intolerant world with an ASD?

I have to admit I am very curious about this as well. I am Aspie, my Son is as well. And my newest GF wants kids someday.

I feel she has some traits that are borderline Aspie and worry that my newest kids my be.

I think that the next generation of autistics will have it better than the previous ones because I think we will start banding together to ensure accommodations [making many of them ourselves] and, stepping out, not to demand, but to command the understanding and acceptance we have an inherant right to. The less "tragic" our lives are perceived by others, the less difficult for autistics to touch and live their dreams.

That, IMO, is much more important than accurate genetic predictions, and it is one thing we shall be working on at the mini-retreat in February.

I honestly have no idea. I'm not sure who here would have an accurate number for you, but I would imagine that since you are in medical school you probably have access to experts there who you could ask and get a solid answer. Knowing your medical histories before the marriage plus being a medical student, I do have to ask why you didn't discuss this with professionals beforehand or even get several different opinions on it and then sit down together and discuss what you plan to do in the future about having children vs adopting children, and even bring in a counselor if need be, since it's such a major and life altering decision, rather than ask people on an internet forum the day after your wedding.

I think that whatever choice you make you will carry a risk that the child has autism, especially if you adopt a newborn and not an older child. Raising any child is going to take some forethought and much planning and careful consideration. The first step of that is talking with a medical professional who can give you a realistic idea of what your odds are of having an autistic child. This will give you both time to discuss and plan your decision and possibly each speak to a counselor to work through any lingering doubts about whichever decision you choose. With luck you will have the information you need and be able to either start trying to conceive or talking to adoption agencies or even looking into arranging private adoption by the time you finish medical school and are into your residency. Our doctor has a couple of residents who work in his practice and one of them had her first baby last year, so depending on your specialty you could have plenty of time for maternity leave etc.

But, if you want a Jimmy the Greek, I'd lay you 65 - 1.

Congratulations!

^^^
This.

There are currently no algorithms for calculating the odds of a particular couple having an autistic child (although people do try to do educated guesses).

But like Callista says, if you have a child, you have a chance of having a disabled child. Adopting does not mitigate this risk. It is inherent to becoming a parent. I think it is folly to attempt to calculate risk because it puts you in a dangerous mindset- it steers you towards thinking of a child as a predictable entity and steers you away from accepting what a crapshoot parenthood is.

I actually wouldn't mind having an autistic kid; not only would I have a better understanding on how to raise them, but I'd also make sure that they wouldn't make the same mistakes that I did.

However, supporting them financially could be a challenge... It's too early for me to be thinking about this, anyway.

Well, I know for a fact that neither of my parents were autistic, but I know my mother has ADHD.

Taking pure randomness, 1:166 is 0.6% chance. But Autism appears to run in the family, so I would think the base chance would be higher than 0.6% for families with Autism in its linage, and a lot less for families with no history.

That 2-6% is an interesting figure.
I'd love to know more about the group makeup this figure was taken from.