How do I deal with this

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I have a really good friend with AS and we usually can talk about just about anything that comes to mind. However, he will sometimes bring things up that are so vague and so very hard for me to understand that I have a hard time responding and asking him to make it understandable is very difficult because he tends to get angry about having to explain. I'm a very emotional and sensitive -something he's not at all and I've mentioned that being angry because a person "doesn't get it" is silly and unfair and the way he acts triggers anxiety in me. All he does is apologize but it usually happens again and again. I don't know exactly how to deal with this and I was wondering what I can do. It's nothing to end the friendship over but I really hate feeling anxious and emotional because it is very exhausting.

Aspies have a hard time with communication and focus. We often think we are clear, when in fact we are not. And we don't understand. We think, "but I told you!" And then we want to give up because we feel we have not been listened to.

So never be adversarial. Aspies are sensitive to criticism. Rather, if you tell the Aspie that "I know you think you are communicating to me, but I honestly can't figure it out" etc. "help me understand" -- in other words, if you are kind and work collaboratively with the Aspie, you'll eventually understand each other.

I hope this helps. I am an Aspie and it takes me a lot of effort to focus.

That sounds frustrating for both of you.

To safeguard yourself, when he gets frustrated it may be helpful to think of the frustration as "his frustration of not being able to communicate effectively" (and believe me, it's highly frustrating!!) rather than being upset with you even if his words seem to indicate so.

With time, you can work better together. Not getting emotional and upset yourself will help.

Maybe, planning ahead. You could discuss the situation when you are not in the middle of it. Like, "this seems to be a recurring problem that hurts both of us. Maybe we can agree ahead of time that it is OK to ask 3 questions to clarify."

Yeah, talk to him about it when you're both calm and not frustrated from trying to communicate and not being able to.

It sounds like both of you get pretty upset that you two can't find ways to get ideas from one person to the other when this happens, and that's understandable; you're friends and your instincts are to listen to the other person.

Maybe, if you're both aware that this happens, it would be easier not to get too upset. He could try explaining in different ways, and maybe find one you could understand. You could agree to take a break for a little bit and think about it. If he's better at writing than talking, you could talk by IM or e-mail or text messages.

Most important thing: Don't get mad at each other over it. It's a little like you speak two different languages; sometimes things can't be translated very well. That's nobody's fault. It just happens.

It can be annoying not being understood. It's the same feeling as when you say something to someone else and they don't hear and then you have to say it again, and even again. That makes me cross too.

You could say something like, "I'm really sorry, I'm not following", or "I didn't quite get that, could you repeat that last part"

Yeah I can relate on having trouble with focus. He can be very long winded and usually about 10 minutes of a tangent I'm lost simply because something has managed to distract my attention either in the environment or just because something has just come to mind. It is super frustrating when I have to ask to explain something again and it's not just my AS friend it's everyone. He understands for the most part and even calls me on it but when it is the subject he is most interested in my inattentiveness really gets on his nerves. He seems to approach things with anger and typically I can pick up on the cues before he snaps and work around it. Hopefully with these suggestions you guys gave it will help more. Thank you all very much.