do you have any autistic/ disabled family members?

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jenisautistic
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02 Dec 2013, 10:55 pm

How do parents/ other family members act about it?
Do you relate more to them because they are also autistic/ disabled?

Does their or your disability ever create rivalry?

Im an only child so Im just curious.


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owlyellow
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03 Dec 2013, 12:49 am

My dad has autism. I do not refer to his (or my) autism as a disability, as I prefer not to look at it that way. There many things I may find more difficult as a result of having it, but there are also many things I can do far better than the average NT as a result and I don't see how that is a disability.

As for how I relate to him, we clash terribly. At our worst, his autistic tendencies trigger my autistic buttons. For example, he speaks loudly and tends to repeat what he says a lot. I am sensitive to loud noises, and hearing things repeated over and over again gets it stuck in my head on an endless loop and drives me nuts. Our interests clash too. At our best, we have much in common, like our synesthesia.

I have a sibling who is NT, but she shares some of my sensory issues. She is like the NT version of me, and we get along very well.



cyberdad
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03 Dec 2013, 1:35 am

Nobody in my family have been diagnosed except my daughter. I strongly suspect my brother, myself and my dad are all undiagnosed Aspies.



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03 Dec 2013, 1:39 am

jenisautistic wrote:
How do parents/ other family members act about it?
Do you relate more to them because they are also autistic/ disabled?

Does their or your disability ever create rivalry?

Im an only child so Im just curious.


My youngest Brother's youngest son and daughter are on the spectrum, as low-functioning autistics. I haven't interacted with them since my brother and sister keep them from the public, and I am not on speaking terms with them currently, not since my sister-in-law criticized me for being on disability and being part of the reason the U.S. Is in so much debt. She told me right to my face those that collect disability for mental reasons are lazy-assed bums and don't deserve to live. Those of us on medication for mental defect don't deserve the time of day, let alone be recognized. Needless to say, I'm no longer on speaking term with any one in the family.

I do have a cousin that has a son with Asperger's. I only met the kid this past summer. I haven't spoken to any of my cousins in almost 20 years, until this past summer.



IdahoRose
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03 Dec 2013, 2:33 am

I'm the only one who is formally diagnosed, however, both my mom and I highly suspect that one of my nieces has it. She is around 5 or 6 years old, and my mom says that she "plays alongside" her children rather than "with" them. My niece is extremely quiet; and even though she is verbal she has a severe speech impediment and is currently in speech therapy for it. Also, she appears to be highly creative and the only thing she is interested in is doing artwork. As someone who appreciates art myself, I really enjoy her works.

As for how well she and I get along... Well... We don't. Even when she was an infant/toddler she wanted nothing to do with me, and got fussy when I tried to hold her. I thought it was just a phase and we would bond as she got older, but it's only gotten worse. She seems to go out of her way to avoid me, not looking at me, speaking to me or hugging me at all, and walking away when I try to approach her. Keep in mind that I have done absolutely nothing to hurt her. It's almost like she was born with a grudge against me or something. Also, I'm the only person she treats this way - with my parents and my brother, she talks and laughs with them and embraces them, and lavishes them with her beautiful artwork. I just don't get why she has an inexplicable hatred towards me. :?



Joe90
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03 Dec 2013, 1:24 pm

No, but often I wish I did. My brother can seem a bit Aspie-ish sometimes, but he was never diagnosed and never struggled in any way at school, and I just think he's ''caught'' Asperger's off of me, since Asperger's seems to affect the siblings for some unknown reason (am I that contagious?????) :? :(

I have 12 cousins all together, and I often wish some of them had a disability of some sort. I know it sounds a bit mean, but it's just sometimes the way I feel. It would be nice to have some relatives that I could relate to on some struggles, and my mum could have a relative to relate to as parents. I know I can relate to my cousins about other things, and my mum can relate to her siblings and my dad's siblings, but it would still be nice to not have so many social NTs around me and not feel so alone or adopted. It makes me feel bitter because the Asperger's chose me and nobody else in the family, and I call myself ''the faulty sperm'', and then worry that other faulty genes have made me too, like having a gene in me that's more likely to have me end up with cancer or something, whilst all my cousins get to live normal, healthy lives. I always worry about that.


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em_tsuj
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03 Dec 2013, 3:55 pm

I mom has it. I hate her. She was an evil b***h growing up. She has never been a parent to me. To this day, we still haven't had a conversation. I blame her for my self-esteem issues because of the horrible way she treated me when I was young and rejected me. She also is not fully functioning as an adult even though she is close to retirement age, and I have had to look out for myself and her since my dad left when I was 11 years old. Actually, I don't like anyone on my mom's side of the family. We never were family, more like polite strangers, no bonding. Although my mom is the only person other than myself who I know is autistic, a lot of people on my mom's side of the family show Aspie traits. They just don't have the full-blown syndrome.



CyclopsSummers
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03 Dec 2013, 4:11 pm

I'm also an only child. But I have an older cousin who has both an intellectual disability as well as epilepsy. It's a very nasty two-fer for him, to put it mildly. The family has always been most supportive, most especially his aunt, who ended up being his surrogate mother.

My other older cousin is hyperactive w/ an attention disorder, so that broke him up in his childhood and puberty, but he's currently settled down fine, doing okay for himself. Is doing community work and has a family now.

My eldest cousin shows some symptoms of an autistiform disorder, but it's never impaired him in any significant way. He pretty much passed for normal throughout his education and career, and private life. He's also doing fine now.

My youngest cousin grew up with a learning disorder, but through proper guidance of her mother, as well as her own determination, she bypassed that completely. She's currently more independent and mature than I am.

It probably doesn't count, but my aunt has a chronic migraine which can be very debilitating at times. Growing up, I probably felt the most admiration for my epileptic cousin and my aunt w/ the migraine, for how they handle life with their respective conditions. I've at times felt that living with mild autism as I did, was pretty easy in comparison.

There was never any rivalry. We were a pretty weird and eccentric family to begin with, so all differences were treated gracefully at all times, and continue to be so. Yet another thing for me to be fortunate about. It should explain my general optimistic view of the world.


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04 Dec 2013, 12:23 am

One of my cousins is Autistic and non verbal. He and I have always gotten on extremely well to the point that my aunt trusted us alone (and only us, she didn't at that point let him be alone with other kids his age) when we were 9 and 7. He is also one of the reasons I wasn't diagnosed until recently as my parents viewed his level of Autism as kind of the only level and I was too high functioning to have the same thing.
I love hanging out with him and he is a major part in my college making decision. One of the schools I am looking at is in Texas and the other in New York (where he is) and being close to him is a big attraction (since I live in California and only see him once a year).


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jenisautistic
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04 Dec 2013, 3:41 pm

owlyellow wrote:
My dad has autism. I do not refer to his (or my) autism as a disability, as I prefer not to look at it that way. There many things I may find more difficult as a result of having it, but there are also many things I can do far better than the average NT as a result and I don't see how that is a disability.


actually when I wrote disability I was referring to other types of disorders- for lack of a better term

like downs syndrome, adhd, intellectual disability, dyslexia, spina bifida, blindness, etc

as for weather I see autism as a disability that's debatable to be honest im not entirely sure -

for another topic


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Somberlain
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04 Dec 2013, 7:52 pm

My cousin.


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owlyellow
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09 Dec 2013, 11:10 pm

jenisautistic wrote:
owlyellow wrote:
My dad has autism. I do not refer to his (or my) autism as a disability, as I prefer not to look at it that way. There many things I may find more difficult as a result of having it, but there are also many things I can do far better than the average NT as a result and I don't see how that is a disability.


actually when I wrote disability I was referring to other types of disorders- for lack of a better term

like downs syndrome, adhd, intellectual disability, dyslexia, spina bifida, blindness, etc

as for weather I see autism as a disability that's debatable to be honest im not entirely sure -

for another topic


Oh, I see! Sorry, I misunderstood. :)



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10 Dec 2013, 1:12 pm

I'm pretty sure that my dad and stepmom both have at least some form of AS, as well as my favorite aunt and my mom. The reason why I think my mom might have AS is bcuz my dad remembers her being a lot like me when she was in her 20s (when the two of them started dating)...for example, he would suggest they go out and see, say, a Woody Allen movie, and my mom would protest, "No, they're showing Cinderella, I want to see that." Sort of like how I would react - if I was given to choice between going to see a movie like Great Expectations or Frozen, I would probably spring for seeing Frozen.

Trouble is, my mom is fully aware of the fact that she was just like me growing up, but this awareness never seemed to transcend to how certain situations/things made me feel. For instance, when I was bothered by too much activity or crowding, or too much stimulation and disruption in my routine, and melted down, I was just being "un-cooperative." I was not permitted to carry around my various coping items past a certain age, and when it came to interacting with peers who enjoyed bossing me around and dominating me, I was pretty much "thrown to the wolves..." There's really no other way to put it. I would tell my mom that people were mean to me, that I just wanted to stay inside with her where I was safe, and all she would say was, "Well, you need to learn to deal with it now, cuz it'll only get harder as you get older." There were times when she would start these lectures by saying, "I KNOW why this is hard for you; I was JUST like you when I was your age" and I would feel like shaking her and yelling in her face, "YES, YES, I KNOW! SO WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS I JUST CAN'T DO, WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO? WHY DO YOU PUT ME THROUGH THINGS THAT ARE PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL FOR ME TO DO, ALL THE WHILE KNOWING VERY WELL THAT THEY ARE? WHY CAN'T YOU BE THE MOTHER I NEED??"

With my aunt with possible AS, on the other hand, she and I get along great...we're practically best friends. She and I both like animated movies, the same music, feel the same way about social interaction, we're both really sweet and sensitive, etc. She even has a small collection of plushies. :D I can talk to her about anything, and she'll understand and won't tell anyone else.

My youngest half-sister might have some kind of AS, too - she's now 12, and instead of boys, fashion, and girl drama, she's into birds (she owns three) and animals in general, sock monkeys, art and My Little Pony. Needless to say, I have more in common with her than with my other so-NT-it's-painful-to-watch sister. :lol:


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Yayoi
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11 Dec 2013, 3:24 am

Little brother has an intellectual disability (not low-functioning autism, as he doesn't fit all the criteria) and is also epileptic and legally blind. We're only 2 years apart, but his functioning is very low and he has a mental age of about 5. We got along okay as kids, but he's been the exact same ever since he started talking and repeats the same questions over and over again. The most irritating one is "R, do you like the Wiggles?" and he just won't take no for an answer. He's very good at playing mind games despite his disability; he knows how to make people cave in to his every demand, but if they outsmart him he'll throw a heavy tantrum. As well as the arguments over his favourite kiddy programs, there's the argument over who gets the front seat. Typical kiddy stuff. Good thing I'm learning to drive pretty soon... because that'll force him to either sit in the back, or just not come with me. All the extended family on my mum's side clearly play favourites with him; they think he's cute, whereas I'm the awkward loner who gets all the strange looks.



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11 Dec 2013, 3:37 am

I'm pretty sure my mom is also autistic, but she's in denial. She doesn't get social cues, she has strong special interests, she experiences sensory overload. But she blames the rest of the world for it. She tries to force everybody else to participate in her interests, declares herself superior to everyone else, and gets mad because people's perfumes and loud music etc. bother her. If she's not autistic, then she's awfully close.

This all backfired on me, of course. When she saw my autism, which is even more pronounced than hers, she was able to rationalize that my difficulties were totally normal because she had them, too. Then when I had problems doing things she could do, like when I couldn't clean a room or tolerate dirty dishwater, she would blame me for being badly behaved, rebellious, and inconsiderate. She deliberately refused to get me evaluated even though, as an occupational therapist (yes, seriously) she knew they would probably diagnose me with autism--something she rationalized away by thinking of autism as a fad diagnosis that couldn't be applied to somebody like me, who could talk and do schoolwork.

So, yeah, I have disabled family members. But she fears disability and rejects the idea that I'm autistic, so it doesn't help me any. You guys whose parents are also autistic, and don't mind being autistic, and don't mind YOU being autistic--you guys are really, really lucky.


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