aaarghhh what the f**k is wrong with me

Post Reply New Topic

This is a continuation of the other thread as I fouled it up and im not going to be able to rescue it from derailment.

Im not entirely sure what just happened - maybe its been mounting over the last few days weeks and months but my dad always hangs his clothes on the front of the door to the room we have to share because he likes to have them there. I unfortunately need to close the door to block out all the sounds which trigger my misophonia. He refused and I had a break down or a meltdown not sure what the difference is. All the while I was berating myself saying "You're just doing this to get your own way" " your using this to manipulate them" this made it worse as I felt totally disgusting.

Then my brother came in and started trying to comfort me by touching me which made me worse. He continued to do this and each time I became worse. This continued for a while with me in tears and begging him to stop touching me. I think he may have aspergers (he received extensive help for ADHD at any rate) so im not saying this was deliberate.

Eventually I get up and the clothes have been moved but this still doesnt help and im still an emotional wreck.

What the f**k? This is what I mean by me not coping with not having my own way. Its a textbook example actually. I couldnt convey that in the other thread and experience has taught me that if I dont get a thread right the first time its derailed for good.

Oh the thread was "where aspie ends and bad attitude begins"

There is another group of people dealing with difficult situations that they often can't control or fully understand, alcoholics. We can borrow from their tool box some of their coping skills;

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

This often reminds a person that there are things that can be done and things that can't be. This reminder can be helpful in a situation of mounting frustration.

If door closing is a problem, getting a clothes hook that can be screwed into the back of the door so that the door can still be closed might be a solution. If touch is a problem, wearing a long sleeve shirt (or two shirts) might be a solution. Noise might be managed with headphones or earplugs.

It would be nice to know what is happening and why. However, there is much that can be done to manage things in the meantime. As you experiment and accumulate more techniques that work for you, you will find that these situations become more manageable.

You know yourself better than we do.

What was your REAL reason for not wanting the clothes there? Was it so the door could be easily closed when you need (not want...NEED) it to be?

If so, then your wanting them to not be there is reasonable, and someone refusing to recognize your need would be understandably frustrating.

Same thing with your brother touching you. If you don't handle touch well, he should have known better.

I'm not following the part about not getting your own way. You seem to be describing a meltdown over communication failure, people may say that's over not getting your own way, doesn't mean that's so.

Anyone can fall apart over struggling to communicate, and doesn't happen. Just most people, it doesn't happen to so much. Even at this website, I musunderstand or am not understood and sometimes get a crispy response.

So, if I'm not being to annoying to ask, I'm confused. What are you really asking? And what do you really want different?

Im not sure what im asking. I suppose im trying to understand whats wrong with me. I didnt see it coming. Im not even sure its the door - I need it to be closed absolutely since there is alot of unpleasant noise but all I can remember feeling is anguished that my dad didnt give a s**t.

Im trying to work out whether I had a break/melt down because my I couldnt get my way. This only happens at home so I dont think I use these emotions to get my way because my parents dont really care - they often laugh to be honest. 9/10 the clothes would stay on the front of the door. In fact my dad is in a seriously bad mood because he moved them.

My personality is profoundly disordered whatever the answer to that question is. I have traits from boderline personality disorder, Schizoid Schizotypal and Avoidant. I dont qualify for any particular personality disorder however. I just have traits from a number of them

Does your dad know about you needing to be able to close the door due to your misphonia? As in, did you tell him that, word for word? Not just asking him to move the clothes without giving a reason (similar to your previous thread....).

Big difference between don't understand and don't care.

I have a nerve condition which, among other things, has reduced the strength in my hands considerably. My husband still tightens lids on jars to the point where I can't open them. It's not that he doesn't understand, it's not that he doesn't care, it's that he forgets sometimes. He doesn't have to make the same modifications to get through his day as I do my day. Same thing with your father. Explaining (in a calm tone) what you go through and why you need to be able to shut the door will go a long way. Your dad may have been reacting to your emotions, not your needs, because a strong emotional response brings out the same thing in others.

"all I can remember feeling is anguished that my dad didnt give a sh**."

I think this ^^^ is the deepest issue. It hurts deeply when you feel that another person doesn't seem to understand or validate who we are and what we need.

Well, the thing is that the sounds won't go away. I wish they would, but they won't. So, I see there as being two options. Protect yourself or accept that life is going to be uncomfortable and painful. I go for the second option because (like in your exchange with your father) trying to control the environment is too costly. Also, I take medication that numbs me a little bit. I still get the startle/flight response and the pain, but it's dulled.