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Confusing social dynamics at work

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atomickitty3000
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12 Dec 2013, 1:52 pm

I've been in my job for about 7 years at a university. There used to be only a few of us working in my office suite but two new women started working here a few months ago and I am having a tough time getting used to them being here.

Besides having to change some of my routines, they are pretty loud and talk a lot about things I am not very interested in like make-up, clothes, guys and gossiping about other people. And the odd time I have tried to join the conversation, it just feels awkward and I get the feeling they think I am odd... smart and useful when they are having trouble figuring out something but still odd. And they will often go out for coffee and never even ask if I want anything or if I want to join them.

It seriously makes me feel like I am back in grade school and all the other girls are taking about boys, make-up and being catty about other girls and I am just off to the side, not really a part of it. And the only time they would talk to me was when they wanted to cheat off of me during a test or to help them with their homework.

I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I have more than enough real friends and a wonderful husband. And I actually don't really want to be best friends with them as I like to keep some distance from the people I work with but it is still confusing and a bit upsetting.

Any ideas or suggestions on how to deal with this or get over it? Should I just ignore them?



jcq126
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12 Dec 2013, 2:23 pm

That's why women should be in the kitchen, not the office.

(I'm joking lol)

Just ignore them and continue with your daily business. If you can allow yourself to not give a s**t about them, then you won't be concerned about fitting in well enough or how they perceive you.



atomickitty3000
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12 Dec 2013, 2:53 pm

Thanks for the advice jcq126 And I am going to ignore your kitchen joke :roll: :lol:

I do find it hard to ignore things once they start bothering me. Things like this have a habit of getting stuck in my brain.



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12 Dec 2013, 3:24 pm

Welcome to my life. I always do fairly well in the workplace until a new person comes along, most often when it's a new woman. Men seem to "get" me much better than women do. Frankly, I look at most women as being a completely different species than me. I don't understand them, and they don't understand me. No problem whatsoever communicating with most men. Maybe it's because all the men I work with (and have worked with most of my life) are engineers, and most of the women I've worked with are in non-technical jobs (mine's a technical job, too).



Willard
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12 Dec 2013, 3:47 pm

atomickitty3000 wrote:
Besides having to change some of my routines, they are pretty loud and talk a lot about things I am not very interested in...and gossiping about other people. And the odd time I have tried to join the conversation, it just feels awkward and I get the feeling they think I am odd... smart and useful when they are having trouble figuring out something but still odd. And they will often go out...and never even ask if I want anything or if I want to join them.

It seriously makes me feel like I am back in grade school and...I am just off to the side, not really a part of it. And the only time they would talk to me was when they wanted to cheat off of me during a test or to help them with their homework.


Sounds like pretty much every workplace I was ever employed in and I had 28 jobs over the course of 33 years. The real problem is, eventually they will conspire to get you fired, or throw you under the proverbial bus when they get in trouble for something that you were never involved in. Watch your back. Not that it will do any good, but at least if you see it coming, you can be prepared to jump.



atomickitty3000
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12 Dec 2013, 3:51 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
Men seem to "get" me much better than women do. Frankly, I look at most women as being a completely different species than me.


This is why most of my friends are men and why I prefer to work with men in general, although I do tend to get along with other Aspie type women.



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12 Dec 2013, 4:42 pm

Willard wrote:
atomickitty3000 wrote:
Besides having to change some of my routines, they are pretty loud and talk a lot about things I am not very interested in...and gossiping about other people. And the odd time I have tried to join the conversation, it just feels awkward and I get the feeling they think I am odd... smart and useful when they are having trouble figuring out something but still odd. And they will often go out...and never even ask if I want anything or if I want to join them.

It seriously makes me feel like I am back in grade school and...I am just off to the side, not really a part of it. And the only time they would talk to me was when they wanted to cheat off of me during a test or to help them with their homework.


Sounds like pretty much every workplace I was ever employed in and I had 28 jobs over the course of 33 years. The real problem is, eventually they will conspire to get you fired, or throw you under the proverbial bus when they get in trouble for something that you were never involved in. Watch your back. Not that it will do any good, but at least if you see it coming, you can be prepared to jump.


+1

Many NTs dislike people who don't fit into the group, because the group means everything to them. They can get very nasty.



Eureka13
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12 Dec 2013, 4:57 pm

atomickitty3000 wrote:
Eureka13 wrote:
Men seem to "get" me much better than women do. Frankly, I look at most women as being a completely different species than me.


This is why most of my friends are men and why I prefer to work with men in general, although I do tend to get along with other Aspie type women.


Likewise - I do have a few women friends who, although not diagnosed as Aspie, definitely have Aspie tendencies. Of course, all of them are in technical fields, too. Also, as a rule, I have nothing in common with "artsy" people, even men, so it may be more related to that than to gender......



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12 Dec 2013, 4:58 pm

jcq126 wrote:
That's why women should be in the kitchen, not the office.

(I'm joking lol)

Just ignore them and continue with your daily business. If you can allow yourself to not give a sh** about them, then you won't be concerned about fitting in well enough or how they perceive you.


Enough obnoxious gender splits.


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12 Dec 2013, 9:02 pm

Sedentarian wrote:
jcq126 wrote:
That's why women should be in the kitchen, not the office.

(I'm joking lol)

Just ignore them and continue with your daily business. If you can allow yourself to not give a sh** about them, then you won't be concerned about fitting in well enough or how they perceive you.


Enough obnoxious gender splits.


They even said that they were joking...


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VirginiaRose
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13 Dec 2013, 3:03 pm

That does sound like many workplaces. I'm not really sure what the answer is but I can relate.

The only things I can suggest is that if you find it distracts you from your work you can tell them that its distracting and ask them to keep their chats to break times. If you don't feel you can do that or if they ignore you, you can tell a superior or asked to be moved to another part of the office where you can't hear them. If their chatting distracts you from your work, chances are it is distracting them from their work too and boss would want to stop distracting activities in the office.