Therapy is not going to work

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The therapist wants to train me to nit people and act like other chimpanzees in this zoo of a society we live in. This does not appeal to me. I need to find a way to gain my independence from society instead.

I'd rather kill my desire for a life mate than change myself into something I am not and have never been just to find one.

I do not desire for a traditional relationship. I do not wish to be someone's personal maid. I really just wanted a companion to join me for fun nights out and some romance or a little intimacy. A love affair basically without all the other grown up commitments but not casual sex...I hate casual sex. Sex is always better when you have feelings for someone or, at the very least, enjoy their company so much you find yourself lusting after them.

I am not going through the process of changing all my routines for a love affair. I live alone and what routines I have in my personal life are my business.

If and when I should go back to work, formal polite (of which I am capable) should be sufficient enough for working with customers or other staff. As to the social side of the working world, maybe there is another way around that than becoming one of the chimps.

No individuality, no room for difference of thought, no room for creativity or passion, no room to enjoy learning and loss of independence...all worse than death itself.

Conformity..ack.

I don't have the patience to pick lice and kiss arses (although I shall remain friendly in a general sense. Mundane minutia may not interest me but I do respect human rights and the welfare of others). Similarly hours of chit chat about the minutia of peoples mundane existence or social stories are not really on my hot list of things to do most days. I'd rather chase down the telescope I have been meaning to buy so I can spend my evening star gazing instead.

One thing about living in a country village with no street lights is the amazing view of the heavens on a clear night.

Any suggestions about how to gain ones independence as much as possible are welcome.

My apologies if people find my lack of interest in the everyday mundane and minutia of existence offensive but I am fed up with pretending to find it interesting when it bores me to tears. Socialising or making social chit chat and small talk makes me feel like my brain is about to bleed.

You already sound pretty darn independent. Let that fire drive you.
If your therapist can't respect your independent nature then they don't deserve your time.

I can understand that need for special companionship. I still feel it, but It doesn't seem to dominate my life the way it has in the past. I've grown to like my singleness. I really don't want the extra complication of a romantic relationship. My fluffy, four leg friend in my avatar is enough for me right now. (He can be quite demanding some times)

I'm not much for advice, just be Bumble, and don't let the chimps get you down.

No need to apologies. I've always found mundane things boring too. I can't stand small talk either.

no one is obligated to follow a therapists instructions, let him know, that you don't want a mate or a friend, and hell stop pushing you. My therapist used to push me to get out and make friends too, but all i had to say is " im not ready, when i am, ill let you know" and he never brought it up again.

Indeed.

Their methods are difficult for me to use. They gave me sheets to fill out in regards to thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

Um there is not enough room. The thoughts in my head are very detailed and very complex and lead from one to the other. They also don't always result in the same feelings or behaviours as it depends on what lens I am looking at things through. Am I looking at things in analytical way or an emotional way? This can change my answer..same thought...completely different reaction depending on which lens I am using.

If it is analytical I am separate from my emotions. If it is emotional my emotions will blindside my analytical/logic mind for a few moments whilst I am upset.

Sometimes I will find the thought of an event upsetting and at other times I will be unaffected emotionally (I may remember how I felt a the time but don't feel it all over again so can talk about it without being 'distressed' by anything. I am merely passing on information at this point.

My emotions and intellect also did not develop at equal speeds so my emotional reactions are far more immature than my intellectual reasoning is. Meaning there is an incongruency between the two but people seem to think that because I have my upsets where I hit my head when I am overwhelmed by my own emotions that my intellectual reasoning must be off as well. Um my intellectual ability is unaffected by my emotional upsets and is actually far more advanced than my emotional development was.

How I react is also affected by my surroundings, recent events that have just happened, whether people around me are understanding (if there are any people around me at all), whether I am frustrated at not being able to explain myself in a way that people can understand, whether or not I slept well last night, how I am feeling physically, if i have a cold or similar, and even how much sugar I have been eating.

All this factors in and yet they give me a tiny little box to write some thoughts down in...and then the same for my feelings and then the same for my behavoiurs...



Um...excuse me but it is far too over simplified! I cannot work with this!

Last edited by bumble on 18 Dec 2013, 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

CBT?

Crappy boring therapy yes.

Yes CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)

Therapy by numbers...

I lasted less than 2 sessions a few yrs back.

I reckon it takes a good therapist to make CBT work, and that a good therapist don't use CBT...

Well I am supposed to record thoughts, feelings and actions for social interactions that go badly or that happen (I forget what she said...honestly I was distracted by a bit of spittal she had on her mouth and couldn't focus on what she was saying because of it. This happened with a lady at the gym a few weeks back only she had a rotten tooth at the front...I get distracted sometimes sorry).

Ummm,. in person they don't really go badly all that often...they just don't um go.

So examples:

Old lady at bus stop spoke to me. Chatted back about weather. Ran out of things to say. Tried to think of things to say. Couldn't think of anything to say so went back to ponder which bus to catch to where today.

Went to cash converters to sell some DVDs. Stood at counter whilst he totted up how much they were worth. Wasn't sure if I should chit chat. Couldn't think of anything to say. Thought how attractive I found him. Wondered if he might find me attractive. Got money for DVDs left.

Start thinking about how lonely I feel for a lover...mood drops or stays low depending on where it was when I went in there (this only tells me what depresses me which I already know, this does not help me with my social issues which is what we are supposed to be working on first as I listed them as my biggest issue...difficulty socially interacting, no able to work, no lover, no family = depression).

Want to join in with a group activity. Don't know how to go about it. Attend groups/classes but don't know how to initiate contact. Sit there trying to work out what to do. Cant find answer, get distracted by something else. Could just approach but don't want to do the wrong thing and upset people.

Which they will latch on to...and say oh that is just lack of confidence.

You just watch me piss everyone off when I offend someone socially because I just barge straight in and take over if I don't put the reigns on. See no one told me the right way to approach someone, they just told me off for doing it wrong.

And what if I do make contact....am I to put up with people ringing me at all hours when I am not expecting to chat? Because they do and I hate that. I get stressed out with being forced to chitty chat or socially interact when I am tired and then I lose my rag, scream and hit my head....

This is taking me around in circles and is going to make me worse. it always makes me worse...they stress me out with the chit chat. It HURTS MY GOD DAMNED HEAD to make chit chat when i am too tired, too unwell or just not in the mood and would rather potter around with my hobbies and be left alone for a bit. I don't cope with it. I should know, I'm nearly 40, i have had the same issues for my whole life.

I am aware of CBT it just does not work for me.

It's already set me off and its only been one session.

That is around the maximum number of visits it lasts for me.

By god they oversimplify everything.

I want an assessment for an ASD before I do CBT because I have feeling that if I do have an ASD the treatment is different (adjusted). At the moment everyone is assuming I am NT which I might be but then I might not be either...

I don't think its wise to proceed as it could just make me worse and have undesirable results which given my mood lately I don't want to risk.

As for my routines, I love my routines, I grieve for my routines...its not about inflexibility as she said its about attachment actually. I do have a tendency to get attached to strange things...

George, my hobbies, my tickle, my collections related to my hobbies...

I even talk to some of them.

The table I usually sit at at the The Cafe Reef which is closed right now due to the recent tidal surges in Cromer. I used to have a cappuccino and fridge cake there everytime I visited cromer...at my favourite table. I now go there every day to check if it has reopened yet. It has not. I feel sad. But I wait patiently as there is nothing else I can do.

I do not want to change this.

I have a movie and ice cream night on a saturday. Same flavoured ice cream every week. Tried to change this, did not like changing this, do not want to change this again.

I like to have a favourite dvd playing whilst I sleep and I won't sleep without my tickle also. Plus these days I have gotten used to cuddling George too. I do not wish to change this and its an improvement on how I used to be anyway as my habits now are more portable. When i was a teenager I would only sleep on my own mattress. If I was staying elsewhere I'd carry my own mattress with me so I could sleep...usually squashed in the back of the car of someone willing to give me and the mattress a lift. Can sleep at places like hotels but still prefer to sleep in my own bed, in my own bedroom, surrounded by my own stuff which is why i always turn down invites to stay over at other peoples places.

As a child my mother just got phone calls from my friends mother asking if she could pick me up as they could not get me to settle. Did not do sleep overs as a child!

I do not wish to change my routines...

I wanted a way to explain to people that I enjoy them and that i'd appreciate if they didn't keep messing them around, ta!

They do. I was naive enough to tough it out for a 60 hour course of cognitive (no B, I think) therapy, but it did absolutely no good whatsoever. It was just many instances of fumbling around in the dark with useless "solutions" to various problems.

Granted I wasn't diagnosed AS at the time, but one thing that irked me was when I described my difficulty filtering sound (which can certainly be a social impediment), I was basically told "practice more".

At least I didn't have to pay for it myself...

You noticed that too!



That would irk me too as I also have trouble filtering sound. Ie I cant hear what people are saying over background noise. All I get is bits and pieces I can't make sense of.

I have to keep leaning forwards and saying 'pardon' to the point that people think I am either stupid or deaf, meaning they either shout, talk very slowly or give up altogether lol.

Ps I am not bothered by people thinking I am stupid, I am not, at least not academically, I know I am just having trouble hearing them. It shouldn't have to be a big deal really. I don't know why they just cant accept that I can't hear in noisy environments and let me socialise somewhere quieter and away from big groups where too many people talking at once causes issues.

It a simple solution really...let people socialise in an environment more suited to them.

Last edited by bumble on 18 Dec 2013, 2:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

In spite of what I think will happen if I ask this, I am going to ask anyway,

Are you looking for a new way to approach therapy so it works better for you or are you just ranting?

If you are looking for a new way, I have been having some success with the way I approach therapy and with communicating with my therapist. It may help it may not, but the majority of the effort will have to be on you unfortunately. If you are just ranting, then I can certainly understand how frustrating it can be. Go through it once a week for the last 20 yrs.

Out of curiosity what you do think will happen?



Do you know I actually have absolutely no idea!

I only know I am not very keen on therapy thus far and am struggling to see how it will solve my problem and make me normal which is what they seem to aim for.

If I had once been normal..I'd be more hopeful.

Apart from which, do I actually want to be normal.

My parents once asked me if I could at least try to be more normal please, to which I replied "normal is boring"

And by god it is. To me anyway (no offense meant to people who feel normal is fabulous, we all have different tastes).

I have experienced people becoming quite annoyed with questions like that, so I was expecting a annoyed response to oversimplify it. Mainly, "Am I stupid or something for not knowing." etc.

I guess from the rest of what you said, that you really don't know what to expect from therapy either than they are trying to make you "normal". That is a common misconception about therapy that therapist are terrible at explaining that it is a misconception.

What is it that you want out of therapy?