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ever since I was at school I have been bullied of course that was a long time ago but even now as an adult I still have people making nasty remarks, for instance going out to a supermarket I would be going about my business just doing my shopping and some random person would just walk past and make really nasty comments for no reason whatsoever and I seem to get this quite often in different places its as if I am doing something to offend these complete strangers but I cant figure out what it is. its been going on for years now and is really having an effect on me now. I cant hold down jobs even if I find one because people see me as strange for some reason but I feel calm at the time. I am clean well dressed and I am polite to people when I see them so its hard to pinpoint what I am doing wrong, I have very little friends and also find it hard to meet people as they see me as the weirdo. anyway I was hoping someone might be able to tell me if they have experienced the same treatment and how you can overcome it. I don't come on here often but I thought it would be the best place to gain some insight.

I ignore snotty one off comments from strangers on the street. I got one recently when I nearly bumped into someone. Rather than just appologising (or letting me appologise depending who was most at fault...seemed equal to me lol) like a civilised person she immediately launched into a string of insults along the lines of "oi what where you are f*****g going....".

I just kept walking.

The other day someone laughed as I walked past...It looked like a bitchy smirk/laugh but as I couldn't be sure I just kept walking. If it was a bitchy smirk/laugh then I assume the woman was some kind of imbecile as there was nothing funny about my appearence and as far as I'm concerned I looked quite smart.

What I hate is when people I work with bully me or when people harass me online. A one off argument due to misunderstanding on the internet is one thing. Being followed about by an idiot (or group of idiots) with the apparent IQ and maturity of an amoeba is another.

Some people are just strange and seem to be a bit wrong in the head. I try not to let them upset me now (although I failed at that recently...I had a rethink a few days ago though...best to just acknowledge that they are not well balanced individuals and move on as best you can).

I think bullying should be listed as a sign of mental illness, especially if it is ongoing and the are obsessed with harassing you long past the point of all sanity and reason. I don't think anyone who wants to bully or hurt another for no reason is right in the brain box.

I don't know why some people are so horrible. It's as though they take pleasure from it.

I would say that it's more them who have the problem than you.

I hate those moments, because I would like to believe I just misinterpreted a laugh or look or remark that was intended for someone else, and I'm just being paranoid. But I can never seem to convince myself that it wasn't me they were intentionally ridiculing, and it drives me crazy wondering WHY? Is my fly open? Is there TP stuck to my shoe? Is there something on my shirt? A "KICK ME" sign taped to my back? WThF did I do?

Shaadenfreude is a common NT trait.

What I do when somebody makes a comment that I think is rude and meant for me I stop and look at the person with a curious look like they said something to me but I just didn't hear them right. I say "Excuse me? Did you have something you wanted to say to me?" and keep a neutral curious expression on my face. It stops them cold. They are all brave when they say s**t under their breath or mumble it and keep going but most aren't so brave when you calmly and courteously ask them what they said. They usually say "Nothing, my mistake" or something like that and then I smile and say "No problem".

It usually makes them feel lower than dirt.

Any idea why? There a little bit in regards to scientific studies on Wikipedia but not much.

I see it happen at work. Not towards me, but groups of girls bullying other groups of girls. It's really weird.

People tell me about it and I always feel like I'm in the middle.

I have a normal IQ, but somehow always seem "weird" to neurotypicals no matter how "normal" I act. There must be something in how we talk, how we walk, our eye contact, etc. that gives us away. People with Asperger's are different and it is the instinct of the animals (the nuerotypicals) to turn on the "weak members of the herd." Pretty much every aspie I've known has been bullied. I always say people with Asperger's have "an invisible KICK ME sign" on their back. It sucks. The solution that worked for me was changing my environment. I was bullied from elementary to high school in my normal school. However I went to another school part of the day in high school (skill center- which is basically a technical school for people who want certifications/college credit/experience while still in high school) and was mostly left alone (I had ONE incident that was quickly delt with by the school). I've been left alone so far in college as well. Have you seriously considered moving? No joke. If I seems to be a problem everywhere try a different state. It eventually gets better. I promise. I thought since I was bullied from elementary to high school I would have to deal with it forever. After a decade or two it tends to MOSTLY go away.

Last edited by ExoticCritter on 13 Dec 2013, 5:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I've been bullied all of my life by different people who are all the same kind of intense crazy. On a few occasions I asked them, straight up, "are you talking to me?", because I just can't understand why they'd start something with me. They totally replied "yes" and then proceeded to rip me to shreds with their negative view of me. That's the kind of disgusting, vindictive, unusual bullying I have generally attracted. The kind that cannot even be rationalised with because they're that determined to start a problem. In short, I really wish your method worked for me! Maybe I'm not fierce enough when I inquire. haha

So, to answer the main post, yes, I've dealt with bullying since I was a small child. I do not know why I attract it, but I think it's something to do with how aloof and "snobby" I can appear. How do I deal with it? I don't. It pretty much destroys me for awhile. I certainly wish I knew how to do better or brush it off. It's just so reoccurring and mean, it really adds to that feeling of "why doesn't anyone like me and why do I struggle keeping people in my life?".

I think we have a good mix of Aspies, NT's, ADHd and drug addicts where I work, so I don't think I stand out to badly. I've always been fortunate in that sense.

Haha, you're lucky. Although if you told a "normal person" you are lucky to work with these people you would get some stange looks, lol. I enjoy these types of environments because there tends to be less bullies and more understanding.

NTs constantly navigate in a social hierarchy (the same way dogs do in a pack). They know exactly where their place is in that hierarchy and have to stay in place and act accordingly to not be excluded from the group. Being excluded from the group is the worst thing that could happen for an NT, this is just as bad as being harshly bullied for a person with AS. In the hierarchy you are allowed to (almost obliged to) bully those below you, and you should accept being bullied from those above, that is with as smile on your face and of course being willing to come back for more!!

So the Shaadenfreude is a manifestation of NTs expressing joy over the likelihood that another group-member might fall down the social hierarchy due to accident or otherwise, making the joyful person "higher" than them in the hierarchy. The biggest true desire for NTs is to be at the top of the social hierarchy. This is basically what motivates them (i.e. social motivation).

Luckily, not all NT practice Shaadenfreude. At least not visibly. But they might possibly do it on the inside.

It's certainly not limited to them. I know I have felt schadenfreude (or skadefryd as we say in my language) at seeing someone I dislike taken down a peg.

At least you make them feel right at home (cause people like that really are lower than dirt)

I wish I was as courteous as you (not always, but generally).

sometimes a person is just having a bad day and is incapable of acting properly

For example, I had a massive meltdown yesterday due to various sensory issues, mostly my car which has been making this scraping noise ever since I had it repaired recently and because I haven't had time to take it back, I've been living with this noise every day. Yesterday it got the better of me and everything irritated me and I cursed and swore at everyone and everything from inside my car. Usually I am calm and forgiving and tolerant, but I was having a horrible time coping and could barely concentrate enough to drive so when this woman stopped in the middle of the road with her dog and just kept standing there looking about like a loon, I hooted at her and then proceeded to scream 'what the f**k is wrong with you' - which she couldn't have heard because she was outside and I was in my car, but she did act annoyed at me hooting at her and wouldn't hurry up across the road. Dozy cow. Who knows what she thought/said about me, it doesn't bear thinking about. Point is, I wasn't at my best and you could say I hated the whole world at that point because everything was making it difficult for me to function.