What does "how you carry yourself mean?"

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hollowmoon
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25 Jan 2021, 12:36 am

Once I was speaking with a group of girls. We were talking about something and they all said "Oh my god your SO SO SO quiet!" I was confused because I have tried making small talk with these girls. Then they said "It's just the way that you carry yourself!" What does this even mean?



PoseyBuster88
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25 Jan 2021, 1:04 am

I would interpret that to mean your body language and maybe also tone of voice.

If you spend time with/relate to animals, this metaphor might help - you know how a dog can try to make his or her body appear smaller, crouch a bit, tuck tail, etc to show submissiveness to another dog?

You may be using the human equivalent of that body language...standing a bit behind others in the group, looking down/away all the time, arms crossed and shoulders hunched forward, nervous stims like hair twirling, etc. You may also speak more calmly or monotone than they do, which they could interpret as "quiet," even if you technically.speak at a normal volume. It could also be their conversation culture - if they interrupt each other a lot with "new exciting thoughts," and you wait for quiet moments to start talking, that could make you seem quiet overall and contribute to their perception.

No idea if those are correct, but those are my theories.


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25 Jan 2021, 1:34 am

hollowmoon wrote:
"It's just the way that you carry yourself!" What does this even mean?

One's deportment.



timf
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25 Jan 2021, 9:45 am

The phrase probably originated to describe someone who actually walked in a certain way such as with confidence or even arrogance. However, over time the phrase has come to include other visually distinguishing characteristics such as brashness or quietness.



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25 Jan 2021, 11:00 am

It means to show that you have confidence.


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KT67
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25 Jan 2021, 11:04 am

It means that NTs read your body rather than your words.

If you're clenched in and slouched down they take that more seriously than what words you're using.

Seriously.


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theprisoner
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25 Jan 2021, 6:37 pm

Lets me translate, It means "stop acting like a punk and a coward, we don't respect that, it's offputting"


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hollowmoon
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26 Jan 2021, 1:35 am

KT67 wrote:
It means that NTs read your body rather than your words.

If you're clenched in and slouched down they take that more seriously than what words you're using.

Seriously.


what does "quiet" as it relates to body mean?



goldfish21
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26 Jan 2021, 2:21 am

hollowmoon wrote:
KT67 wrote:
It means that NTs read your body rather than your words.

If you're clenched in and slouched down they take that more seriously than what words you're using.

Seriously.


what does "quiet" as it relates to body mean?


It means your posture & body language convey meanness/weakness/shyness etc. Maybe you slouch, probably “look small.” But I guarantee whatever it is exactly is the exact opposite of carrying yourself with your head held high, shoulders square, chest puffed up with confidence etc.

You carry yourself like a church mouse, not a ferocious lion. You’re the prey, not the king of the jungle - the way you carry yourself & come across to others, anyways.


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KT67
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26 Jan 2021, 6:34 am

hollowmoon wrote:
KT67 wrote:
It means that NTs read your body rather than your words.

If you're clenched in and slouched down they take that more seriously than what words you're using.

Seriously.


what does "quiet" as it relates to body mean?


I didn't say quiet but making oneself small.

There is some sort of natural part of this because animals who can't use words do this.

For eg if my cat wants to be scary, she expands her fur and stands on her cat equivalent of tiptoes (not really sure how she does this since cats lack toes but, she does!)

If my mum's cat (I'm being pedantically realistic here...) wants to show he isn't a threat and show submission, he makes himself smaller in front of the other cats.

Autistic people in my experience tend not to think about this stuff. So if we do it (not convinced we do) then it's only on a subconscious level. We tend to care more about practical stuff. So we'll put our hands in our pockets or fold our arms due to being cold rather than to signal being closed off to the world or unimportant.

If you want to seem important to an NT: speak clearly and loudly (not too loud), stand up straight, put your shoulders back and look straight at the person you're talking to. This will have the same impact as my cat when she stands with her fur exposed.

Being too closed off can give the impression of being a little boy who can't handle himself and doesn't know what he wants. Talking to my female friends, most of them aren't into that.


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26 Jan 2021, 1:49 pm

the way you come across to others based on your behaviour & mannerisms



goldfish21
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26 Jan 2021, 2:11 pm

Picture a silent interpretive dancer making themselves so small and meal on stage vs standing tall like a mighty oak!

See the difference?


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