How to handle my anger outbursts and feeling lonely

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Unfortunately it has been hard for me to accept that I have Asperger's. I was always ridiculed in school and told I would never get married and after being diagnosed realize that the kids who said I will never get married are correct. I don't want to live life alone but even though some people with Asperger's can find dates and get married, I'm the unfortunate who will remain alone for the rest of his life and I cannot stand having Asperger's! In addition I tend to have angry outbursts especially when drivers do things like cut me off and I've even had motorists get mad enough at me to chase me down! The loneliness and isolation that comes with being different has made it hard to deal with and I've at times wondered why I didn't commit suicide when I had the guts to back in high school. Can anyone tell me how I can deal with loneliness and my anger issues along with the fact that I have Asperger's and most likely (at 40) will remain lonely for the rest of my life? I simply cannot stand being different and am upset that I have a disease that cannot be cured and even if it was cured, my life has already been destroyed to the point that there's no turning back to being lonely and unmarried for the rest of my life. I really hate myself as I have always wanted to be normal but will never achieve this! I know I am a wimp to have these feelings but I just cannot deal with this pain and have no idea how to deal with it.

Being normal really is over-rated.

Firstly it is not certain that you will never marry. You are still only 40, you are not that old to be retiring from the dating circle just yet. The last tenant of the bungalow I now live in was in his 90s and was getting up to mischief with an elderly lady across the road who was in her late 80's. See you are never too old! Besides a mature male is very attractive, although 90 might be a little too mature...40 on the other hand is not. I am 35 and have never been married, although I have had some brief relationships.

When I feel lonely I like to absorb myself into my hobby and then I find that my loneliness ebbs away. One day I would like to make a career out of it if possible. There are many more things to life than marriage.

per another thread i posted, learn game. go to venusian arts and study their materials. at 40, you're barely over your peak as a guy on the dating market.. and as long as you are moderately successful you will have no problems.

i believe the guys who invented it mostly have forms of aspergers. and i know it radically changed my life, and i believe has dramatically affected my theory of mind capabilities. you just have to get over the fact that its unpopular and considered very politically incorrect. i think you can do that since by now you don't have a lot of other options.

I'm 47, so I would like to think that life is not over at 40! And I don't think it is. You can still think, read, dive into projects, go to a show, and you can be around people if you volunteer, for instance, or perhaps attend an AS meetup group. When you feel hopeless and depressed, it seems like you have no options, but if you force yourself to do something, you may find that you are more satisfied by the outcome than you expect. I know this probably rings hollow given the way you feel, and I know because I often feel that way myself, but you just have to go against your misgivings and make yourself get out of your rut.

It really isn't the fact that I'm unmarried and probably never will be married that bothers me, what makes me feel lonely is I have no friends and would also enjoy the company of a female companion at movies but this isn't an option for me. In addition, Valentines day and any couples types of events make me depressed because I would really like to be with a special woman but just am not the fortunate guys who are normal. After one of my brothers got married last year, I realized how lonely I really am and really have never even had a friend during my entire lifetime!
I have a serious anger management problem and sometimes something like a driver cutting me off or getting angry with my driving will wreck the rest of my day and even make if difficult for me to sleep at night and I lose my appetite. When I'm upset about something, I just can't seem to take it off of my mind and nothing upsets me more than when some driver gets angry with me or purposely disregards my safety such as tailgating at close range, suddenly pulling around me without warning, and other driving incidents. I'm not good at handling people who get angry with me and with my poor driving skills it is common to have someone flip me off, yell at me, follow me, flash their headlights whenever they are around me, etc. I strive to be a good person but always end up doing something that angers others which is the total opposite of my intentions. When someone gets upset with me and displays signs of anger such as flipping me of or screaming at me calling me offensive names, I can't handle it (I admit that I'm a wuss) and it destroys the rest of my days and a lot of times I lose my appetite and have troubles falling asleep because of what happened. I just can't take being hated so much when I would like to have friends instead of people who dislike me. I really wish I were normal! When I learned I probably have Aspergers it was a relief to know at least there's a name for what is wrong with me and that it isn't something psychiatrists and psychologists have never seen before but it is also a curse since I am not normal and a lot of things that normal people take for granted are things that I would love to have but can't. I would love to have some women care about me but I've been given a bad deck of cards.

Fortunately, AS doesn't mean a death sentence. It doesn't mean that you're going to be lonely or have problems no matter what. I think that anyone on the spectrum...regardless of how big their challenges are, can grow and change, and that includes yourself. I suggest that perhaps you are still struggling with accepting this part of yourself. Perhaps you could use some counselling to work around your identity and anger management issues.

I agree with recommending counselling to help with anger management.
I recognise the whole car driving/as*hole getting in your face/stressed out for the rest of the day situation too. What you need to try and remember is that these other drivers who do this to you are pretty much full of crap, and if they don't make allowances for other road users it is their failing not yours. Maybe when you get into the car you could take a few moments to remind yourself that although these idiots exist you are determined not to let their pathetic antics get the better of you.
I always used to start burning up as the adrenaline started pumping, it helped to switch the air-con to the coldest it would go.

Utahoutcast, for a LOOOONG time I felt basically just like what you are expressing, now!
I understand both your loneliness and your disgust with lousy drivers! They really get on my nerves, too.
When I was 40 (I'm now 43) I was as single as single got. I admit, I have had 4 marriages in my life, but the last 3 broke pretty badly ( I say SHATTERED )! Nobody has really been able to get along with me, well, due to my Aspergers, and other severe difficulties (disorders), too. (I am very newly diagnosed Aspergers. Only April 1)
Even my current wife finds me hard to get along with. (I will admit to also having Dependant Personality Disorder. It drives her crazy, she says *sigh*)
I am willing to be a friend to you (as I believe many here would be). Just tell me if you want to be.
Sorry I can't point out any eligible women to you, but surely someone here could even help out with that. Did you happen to notice the dating forum on here?
I hope this might help you out!

That's not true, you could marry. Humans are just as*holes. I am 29 I have been married for 7 years. It's not easy though, I married a NT and we never see eye to eye (pun intended). It always seems to be an argument rather than a discussion. Even when he says the same thing I said just in different words. A lot of the time I wish I would have married someone like me so we have an understanding. Just yesterday he said "there's something wrong with you" , but we all know humans are the complicated, problematic creatures. Lol

Im from Utah as well.

Someone proposed to me once, I said no as I didn't think we had enough in common. We dated for 7 years but that was before the internet. He liked my quirks, they amused him (in a good way). I was not so bitter about life back then though, I hadn't accumulated so many things or abuses to be depressed over.

I know I answered prior to this but tonight I am feeling the pain of loneliness myself. I wish I had said yes because now at nearly 40 I am sat here by myself. I was oblivious to my social difficulties back then. Just could not understand why people kept bullying me. Also there was an innocence about me that I just don't have anymore. Anyway, for whatever reason, I believed I would meet someone else.

I thought someone else would find my quirks cute too and I did, but the age gap was too large and I finished things with that one too. We were together for 2 years though.

These were stable men...not men with any kind of problem and they were NT. They were bemused by my strange habits and I am not the inattentive type if I am in love. I do like to spend a lot more time socialising with a lover than i do with people in general. I am the opposite with a lover than I am with socialising in general actually, at least whilst I am falling in love. They become my new special interest.

I like to make a fuss of them and spoil them. I used to be very sweet.

That was 13 years ago and since then, no one has even bothered to get to know me properly, let alone given me a real chance.

I know I have answered above, but I wanted to answer again.

Hope you find someone and if you do and they are a well balanced lovely person, don't say no to them.

You need to accept who you are.

This took a really long time for myself. Because of many thing, i wanted to not disappoint my mother and stuff. Trying to keep a job and such.

ITs not easy ill get you that. But its harder to keep beating yourself up for something you have no control over.

Its like someone who is born without a leg. Its not their fault. And we shouldn care what other people think. Thats not easy either.

It took me most of my life to learn to accept who i am, thinking many days about suicide and stuff like that. But i made a promise to myself im gonna live this life however long it is no matter how miserable stuff life is throwing at me, i might not be smart or good at anything. But i refuse to give up. And i refuse to fight against myself. I am who i am for better or worse.

I suck at dating as well, i have however find i have a other interesting ability in lets just say the more kinky universe of sexual stuff, where while not having a girlfriend per say, ive found a girl that we are like intimite friends, and that actually suite me well.

It can be worth persuing women through other means, than just wanting to have a full time girl friend, i dont even think i could handle that.

I know ill certainly never live with a girlie, because i would lose it. I need my quiet and peace, not to mention having another person wanting change furnature or move stuff around where i live.

What i found worked for me, isnt to try and be like everyone else and what is normal. I no ill never have friends, or get married, or have kids. Or even be as smart as most people are here, they know all sorts of things and can write really well. But thats okay.

Its definitely not any easier if you really want kids. I just faced the face, one its unfair if they get it like me or worse, i couldn imagine having kids risking them being dumber than me. Not to mention i know i wouldn be able to take care of them,, Again another huge disappointed again to my mother, as i know see would like me to get kids and carrying on the familiy legacy as im an only child.

Maybe im just lucky , because ive been so miserable and have so many depression that my mind bounced back instead of my going crazy. I have Aspergers, Autism and Tourettes. Good time 3.


Also i dont know if you like excercise, but thats something that personally helped me, not only to focus but to relax. Not to try and get the ladies or whatever. Just getting in shape getting out running or whatever, that does something to me, its hard to descibe., there is just like feeling of total relaxation in my body and mind after ive been working out.

Anger is yet another emotion that can be hard to control i have many of these when i was younger, not only because i was different, but also it didn help that i lost my father as a child. It can make you really angry, when you get into that state why so much bad is happening to you. As other people say there is help to get with people you can talk to.

Maybe im just lucky i was able to work it out. Im not saying its gonna be easy, because its not. But i hope you get control over yourself, emotions and life. Its hard to keep smiling when life gives you a bucket of s**t.