Advice please

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I'm 16 and I feel I'm suffering with anxiety. I have Aspergers Syndrome. I felt like one day I was attracted to men eventhough I didn't want to be or never thought of men and always been straight. Problems then started including feeling like my arms shaking eventhough others said they wern't. Thankyou James

James,
Take a deep breath and know that it could be anxiety. The very best possible thing you can do right now is to begin to talk to God and ask Him to help you and guide you. He has a great plan for your life and that Satan would love to destroy with fear and lies. Do you have a pastor? If so, can you go speak to him? My entire family has AS and the holidays are a very anxious time for us. I had a bad anxiety attack on Sat. when the bad storm came through and I was shaking. Give the Lord all your anxiety and fear and let Him help you. He loves you dearly. You are His handiwork and He is waiting for you to call on Him.

First of all, it's not uncommon at your age - well, at any age really, but moreso at yours - to have occasional thoughts or curiousity about whatever is the opposite sexuality to your own. It happens, it's nothing to feel bad about, and it probably doesn't mean you're gay. And if you do turn out to be gay, or perhaps bisexual, there's nothing wrong with that either.

The thing is, it does sound as if either this or something else is making you very anxious. Is your life generally stressful at the moment? I've found that sometimes stress about one thing can express itself in anxiety about something else, so this may not be about your sexuality at all.

Based on the information you've provided, it's a little difficult to suggest anything other than the obvious, which is that you should probably see a doctor, who might refer you for counselling or prescribe medication. S/he would also be able to check that there isn't a physical reason for your symptoms, just to be on the safe side.

In the meantime, things like mindfulness and meditation can sometimes help. They're not my kind of thing, though, so I can't give you specific recommendations there - maybe someone else can.

I've heard of this happening to people with OCD. Now, I'm not saying you have OCD--a simple obsession doesn't mean OCD and can happen to pretty much anyone. However, fearing that you are actually gay (if you're straight) or actually straight (if you're gay) is a known OCD obsession. An obsession, in this case, isn't the sort of special interest that people with autism have; it's a thought that you can't get out of your mind, a thought that's distressing to you. And yes, OCD is an anxiety disorder. The fear that you are somehow secretly attracted to men, even though you are straight, can't be particularly easy for you to deal with.

One thing I notice is that you say you're sixteen years old. I remember being a teen, and it wasn't easy. Teens are unusually prone to anxiety, and that's probably part of the reason you're dealing with this now, instead of, say, when you were eight years old. Growing ridiculously fast, body flooded with hormones, trying to figure out your identity--it's no picnic.

BTW, this probably has nothing to do with actually being either gay or homophobic. If you were a homophobe, you'd probably react with self-hate instead of anxiety; if you were actually gay, you'd be attracted to men instead of just afraid that you somehow secretly are. So, yeah, if I had to bet, I'd say you're straight, have always been, and always will be.

Here's my advice: If things get really bad, if you start to lose parts of your day to obsessing over this, maybe you could ask a counselor for help. However, anxiety and obsessions like this are a normal part of everyone's life. I've been afraid of things, myself--afraid that I'm secretly a psychopath (I actually score unusually low on every test of psychopathy that I've taken), or afraid that I might abuse my cats (I would never do so). Being aware that these ideas aren't logical is a good first step, but that doesn't mean they won't still make you uncomfortable.

Don't try to push those thoughts away. Just let them happen. Thoughts are only thoughts, and anxiety is an internal feeling, not an external reality. Instead of trying to push thoughts away, find something to think about that's engaging and interesting. If your brain wants to think about the possibility that you might be gay, let it; but offer yourself plenty of other things to think about, too.

Anxiety often responds to physical relaxation techniques. When you're anxious, try noticing which muscles are bunched up and tense. Are you breathing faster, sitting more awkwardly? Be aware of that, and consciously relax your body. Removing those physical signs of anxiety helps your mind to calm down, too. And it prevents you from getting muscle cramps.

Another tactic you might try, when you fear something, is to think about how you might deal with the feared event if it happened. So, say, if you're afraid of a tornado destroying your house, you could figure out which room you'd use for a shelter and stock it with a radio and batteries, and work out a procedure to round up your pets and family and get them there if the alarm goes off. Being able to act helps you to be calmer, because that's what anxiety is for--it's there to spur you to action. In your case, since you're afraid that you might be gay, think about how you would handle it if you were. Say you randomly and illogically wake up and you're attracted to men. Imagine yourself successfully handling that problem--finding people who accept you, perhaps even finding love; learning to advocate for yourself. Young men all around the world deal with the problem of being gay in a straight world every day. If you were one of them, you would deal with it, too.