Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

13 Jan 2014, 6:03 am

...the amount of time that you can spend with someone when you're with them?

Say you're on an activity that they say might take two hours (though it actually takes less time) and they cut the time in half and change the route without any advance warning?



ZaphodsCloset
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 31

13 Jan 2014, 9:52 am

Did this happen to you?

It's not not-rude. I've done this, because it was the least-rude way of handling a situation that became too much for me. Too much because of what felt like the other person's rudeness, even though I knew he didn't mean it that way. KWIM?

They should at least provide an explanation. I tell the guy straight out, "I'm out of bandwidth" or "I really need some solitude right now." So it's not the polite-est, but it's on me.



Sethno
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Nov 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,077
Location: computer or tablet

13 Jan 2014, 10:23 am

Tequila wrote:
...the amount of time that you can spend with someone when you're with them?

Say you're on an activity that they say might take two hours (though it actually takes less time) and they cut the time in half and change the route without any advance warning?


They changed what you expected to happen, messed with your routine of the moment. That's why it caught your attention.

Now, that's not to say it may not be rude, but people can have things happen at the last minute that mess with their day, and in turn them having to change plans messes with your day. And if it's beyond their control, to view the situation as them being rude may not be fair.

Without all the details it's hard to say, but in general, it's best to keep your word with someone, and if you have to change plans at the last minute, you'd better have a real good reason. (Thing is, it may be something too personal to explain in detail, so that in a way leaves the other person hanging too.)


_________________
AQ 31
Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".


Ilovemyaspiegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 68

13 Jan 2014, 1:19 pm

Tequila wrote:
...the amount of time that you can spend with someone when you're with them?

Say you're on an activity that they say might take two hours (though it actually takes less time) and they cut the time in half and change the route without any advance warning?


I guess it really depends on the situation. If it was simply that the activity took less time than they originally planned, it's not necessarily "rude" however, the fact that they didn't give advanced warning to that fact I guess could be taken as rude. I'm a NT but, my 7 yr old Aspie daughter gets extremely upset anytime something she considers to be "non preferred" takes longer than even one minute. In the same situation, when it's an activity she considers to be a "preferred" activity, she expects that everything g center around her wanting to do that activity. She of course then thinks I'm "mean" when I have to pull her away from her preferred activity. Clearly, as a mom that loves her daughter VERY much, I'm not trying to be mean. That said,while obviously we're talking about a much younger person than yourself and children have issues transitioning even if they are NT, but it could be that you perceived it as rude when the other person really just didn't even realize that it could/would be taken by you a an act of rudeness.

As a NT mom, I'll be the first to say that we NTs take so much for granted that a person with Aspergers struggles with daily. They're so many different dynamics that I truly don't think a NT could ever hope to grasp even the tiniest aspect of what a person with Aspergers feels. I wish there was a machine that my daughter could use to SHOW me what it's like. If I could understand better, maybe I could help her navigate through a world that just doesn't feel right to her. Kudos to you for posting and asking and sharing your experiences!



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

14 Jan 2014, 5:19 am

Ilovemyaspiegirl wrote:
That said,while obviously we're talking about a much younger person than yourself and children have issues transitioning even if they are NT, but it could be that you perceived it as rude when the other person really just didn't even realize that it could/would be taken by you a an act of rudeness.


The person knew it was rude, because when I calmly asked if she could perhaps ring the person up who they were meeting that they might be five or ten minutes late so I could complete the original walk (which was on the way back anyway) I was quite aggressively told: "I don't want to. My time is very important."



RedEnigma
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 98

14 Jan 2014, 1:24 pm

Tequila wrote:
Ilovemyaspiegirl wrote:
That said,while obviously we're talking about a much younger person than yourself and children have issues transitioning even if they are NT, but it could be that you perceived it as rude when the other person really just didn't even realize that it could/would be taken by you a an act of rudeness.


The person knew it was rude, because when I calmly asked if she could perhaps ring the person up who they were meeting that they might be five or ten minutes late so I could complete the original walk (which was on the way back anyway) I was quite aggressively told: "I don't want to. My time is very important."


Don't associate with that person anymore.
They have no regard for you and they are quite rude.