Hi, I'm trying to find out more about this type of personality because this post has been almost perfect in describing a girl I know. Has anyone been able to quantify or name this type of personality? I won't pretend like I understand relationships by any means but where can I learn more about these types of people from a scientific or psychological standpoint? Is it possible to be friends with this kind of a girl or it is simply a lost cause?Thanks!
This is a post given by another member back in 2008:
"I've run into this type before -- she sounds like an attention whore, and probably has issues. She's giving you mixed signals, hot, then cold, and reacts almost exactly how the person I knew (and crushed on) acted when confronted with real feelings or regret that they're not around. I obsessed just like you did.
Some advice --
First off, someone like this is not really a great prospect for love or a relationship -- they're very dysfunctional, so the rules with this kind of person are almost completely opposite of normal, loving, caring women. Girls like this are unstable, flirty, everyone wants them, and they know it. Actually, she probably gets sick of it sometimes. She needs a challenge....
....so start ignoring her. Don't be mean, and respond somewhat if she makes invitations, but don't ever do another one of those confessionals again, telling her your true feelings, or whining when she puts distance between you. Someone like this has attachment issues, and she's only going to feel burdened by it. Make her work to know you, not vice versa. Make her be the one to ask you out, seek you out, find out what your mystery is about. Be prepared to not talk for 2 weeks or more -- she will crack, and she will come find you and make the move. When she does, don't blow the game -- stay guarded, and never open up to her again fully. It's really a poker game with someone like this, and she's had a lot of practice -- but she's used to people showing her their cards, so she only respects someone who doesn't. This is going to be the type of person where some of the stereotyped Aspie behavior (cold and emotionless exterior) will come in handy -- use this to your advantage.
The advice above is only if you actually want to get entangled with someone like this, and it won't necessarily work, but it's your best chance. Just know that like a wild animal, she'll never be tamed or yours, but you might get a "taste" of her for a while -- Just watch out for STD's, and don't let her have your heart, because you'll never really have hers. She also probably has a parent with a substance abuse issue, or a cold parent, so she's probably not at heart a very loving person, and she may herself be on her way to her own substance abuse issue, usually alcohol or some other kind of depressant.
Obsessions are hard, and there's no cure, except to make yourself busy with other things, and write off the object of your obsession as unobtainable. I know exactly how you feel, because I went through the same thing, and the tactics I mention above worked, but the person was ultimately unreachable on a personal level. Trust me that I know exactly the type of person you describe, and that I'm trying to save you a lot of misery. There are a lot of nicer girls out there, just as pretty, who won't play head games like this and flirt around on you. Try to get over this girl, and use her if you want, but don't ever think you can really love her, or her you.
...and if you really want to study up on a good analysis of personality types (which wasn't what I parroted above, because above is a mixture of my own studies, experience, and books like this), I highly recommend "The Art of Seduction," by Robert Greene. His other book, "The 48 Laws of Power" is also a great Aspie resource. Just take both with a grain of salt, and understand that it's not always so great to be Machiavellian with the way one operates in one's life, love life or otherwise.
Hope this was some help."
02 Jan 2014, 8:47 am
